Jewelry

I kinda fell in LOVE with this whole picture.

The black bodysuit.

The cutoff jeans.

The tan.

It’s all PERFECT.

But I ESPECIALLY fell in love with the layered necklaces.

They really complete the look.

So I got online and found a couple of statement and layered necklaces to add to my jewelry collection:

 

I just LOVE them.

And I think they will go well added to my Burning Man outfits this year.

Of course, I am NOTORIOUS for buying jewelry for Burning Man and not wearing it.

The reason is three-fold.

One – it takes FOREVER to get out of camp and jewelry is just another barrier to getting the hell out there and participating!

Two – It’s hard to find jewelry that isn’t MOOPY. The last thing I want to do is leave bits and pieces of my jewelry all over the playa.

Three – There’s just so many cool hand-made pendants that get gifted, I find myself wearing those instead of my jewelry.

So hopefully this year, I will do better with regard to actually wearing the things I bring with me.

And if not?

Oh fucking well.

It’s Burning Man.

Black Rock Desert Wear

You can’t just wear anything you want to Burning Man.

Well you can, but you might get talked to if you show up with any of the following:

Glitter aka playa herpes.

It falls off and creates a big MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) mess.  Best to stay away from anything glittery:

Look at this bodysuit and hat.  It’s a MOOP disaster waiting to happen.  Just a little glitter flakes off and contaminates the playa, creating a mess for someone to pick up.

Rhinestones.

Maybe sewn on rhinestones would be okay, but glued on rhinestones? No way.  More MOOP.

Here’s a bodysuit that’s practically begging to MOOP all over the place.  Can’t you just see those rhinestones, all crammed together, falling off?

This next one bothers me for two reasons.

  1.  It’s got feathers, which like to fall off and become MOOP.
  2.  It’s culturally insensitive.  Enough said.

Here is a pair a sequin shorts.  Another no-no.  Same reason.  Small things like to fall off and become MOOP.

My personal pet peeve – feathers.  Although they are worn on the playa, you won’t find any on me.  They blow away and muck up the trash fence.

And finally, here’s a hat with just a MILLION LITTLE THINGS ON IT!  No!  Unless they’re embedded in a thick layer of varnish this should not go to the playa.

I should mention that ALL THIS MOOPY stuff pops up when you search for “Burning Man” on etsy.  So BEWARE folks.  Not all searches can be trusted.

What goes to Coachella as festival-wear is not necessarily appropriate for the Black Rock Desert.

Think on it.

Check out my WHEELS

Squeal!

I discovered it’s actually very cheap to pimp out your bike.  And I cant wait for my bling to arrive so I can horrify my children with my “playa bicycle.”  They already think it’s weird that I’m going to Burning Man.  As my oldest son put it, “It’s not like you’re in your 20s or anything…” As if living a week off the grid in an artists community and letting your freak flag fly is something that only 20 year olds should get to do.

I might not be the youngest in the crowd but I won’t be the oldest either.

I will be pretty stylin’ though on this bike…

Here are LED lights that wrap around my bike frame, in green since I’m the Green Faerie.  Can’t wait to play with this and decorate my bike!

And these LED  valve caps which are SUPER COOL!

And I discovered that I can’t wear THIS on the playa because it’s made of sequins and sequins are MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) and since the goal is to leave no trace, I’ve got to ditch the outfit.  Sad face.

So there you have it… plus one playa bicycle.  Minus one green sequin romper.

Still having fun with it!

Ash is MOOP

So I got this delightful tip from a Halcyon burner friend regarding using the toilets at Burning Man.

This sweet Indian woman recommended that you bring:

  • Clorox wipes to wipe the seat clean before using it
  • A ziploc bag to hold your Clorox wipe (nothing but pee, poo, and 1-ply toilet paper in the loo)
  • 1-ply toilet paper

And then she added a few extras:

  • A lighter
  • A stick of incense, to make it all more bearable

And it just stuck with me that yeah, I’d really like to burn a touch of incense in the toilet to cover up the stench of human feces sitting in a container in 100 degree heat for days on end.

Fast forward a few days and I’m showing Tejas my backpack.

He’s pulling out things, asking me what they’re for, and giving me feedback when he comes across the incense.

“What’s this for?” he asked.

I proudly told him the story about how I found out about using incense in the toilet.

“Looks like MOOP to me,” he says and I just about died.

The ash. It’s MOOP. It can’t go in the toilet. It can’t be left behind on the toilet. There’s nothing to do but collect that miniscule amount of ash and cart it home with me to throw it away.

Sigh.

If I ever wanted to roll my eyes at Burning Man, this would be the moment.

All this is to say that today I bought a tin pencil case. To collect my miniscule pile of ash so that I can fucking burn a piece of incense while I’m relieving myself sitting over a pile of steaming shit and piss in 100 degree weather.

Thank you Burning Man.

This tin’s for you.

When 2XL = a size 6

Just when I get used to peeing standing up using a FUD (Feminine Urination Device), my MOOP-unfriendly iridescent green sequin jumpsuit arrives in the mail.

[Note: The Jumpsuit has a high MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) factor because it’s covered in teeny tiny sequins which can contaminate the playa. Hence The Jumpsuit will NOT be making the trip to Burning Man with me.]

Even though I plan to abandon The Jumpsuit at home when I go to Burning Man, I thought I’d try it on. Just for shits and giggles.

To my surprise my 2XL jumpsuit wouldn’t even fit over my butt. Now, I ordered a 2XL not because I’m a 2XL but because I was ordering from a Chinese website and I figured that sizes might run small. Better safe than sorry, as they say.

To put this all in perspective for you, my 15 year old then tried to put on The Jumpsuit and BARELY wiggled into it. All 6’2” and 150 pounds of him. He wouldn’t let me take a picture, though.

Then my other son shimmied into The Jumpsuit – all 6’2” 120 pounds of him and it fit like a glove.

So there you have it. Apparently in China a 2XL means it will fit a bony white boy in the U.S.

Check out my WHEELS

Squeal!

I discovered it’s actually very cheap to pimp out your bike.  And I cant wait for my bling to arrive so I can horrify my children with my “playa bicycle.”  They already think it’s weird that I’m going to Burning Man.  As my oldest son put it, “It’s not like you’re in your 20s or anything…” As if living a week off the grid in an artists community and letting your freak flag fly is something that only 20 year olds should get to do.

I might not be the youngest in the crowd but I won’t be the oldest either.

I will be pretty stylin’ though on this bike…

Here are LED lights that wrap around my bike frame, in green since I’m the Green Faerie.  Can’t wait to play with this and decorate my bike!

And these LED  valve caps which are SUPER COOL!

And I discovered that I can’t wear THIS on the playa because it’s made of sequins and sequins are MOOP (Matter Out Of Place) and since the goal is to leave no trace, I’ve got to ditch the outfit.  Sad face.

So there you have it… plus one playa bicycle.  Minus one green sequin romper.

Still having fun with it!