Sour toes

I know we all have our kinks.

I happen to like sniffing neoprene AND wearing black vinyl lingerie.

Scuba diving turns me on.

And my lingerie drawers are filled with slippery black undergarments.

I know we are helpless to resist our kinks.

Put me in a surf shop and you will eventually find me standing among the wetsuits.

Huffing them.

In my day, I’ve met men with unique kinks.

Squashing.

Toe sucking.

Wearing ladies’ panties.

But honestly, when I was text messaged by someone asking me if I wore flat shoes and had stinky feet he could sniff until he passed out, I was a bit floored.

No. . .

I suppose it’s not much different than me huffing neoprene, but the idea of sniffing someone’s sour smelling toes DOES NOT SOUND GOOD.

Having my feet ticked might appeal to me.

I am very ticklish and I have big feet so I’m sure I’d be a dream for someone to tickle.

And laughter is an aphrodisiac, so it’s feasible I could really get turned on.

But stinky feet?

No way.

I’d rather chew on a piece of tinfoil while shaving my head with a cheese grater.

Obsessive

I have several obsessions.

Evening gowns was one, although I have a friend “Amy” who puts me to shame with her endless evening gown collection.

After that it’s lingerie. I have drawer upon drawer of lingerie, most of which never gets worn because I like comfy cotton boyshorts and bras which are slightly too small for me, making the kittens look outrageously good.

Then there’s the obsession I don’t talk about very often – the black vinyl clothing obsession.

Who knew you could love synthetic fabric so much you would want to wear it close to your skin EVERY DAY?!

And speaking of naughty obsessions, there’s also my strange affection for neoprene.

Gotta love me some wetsuits!

Snort in that neoprene smell.

What I’ve failed to mention so far is that by and far my most ardent obsession is with makeup.

If you want to cheer me up, hand me $100 and take me to the drugstore or the department store and let me loose in Cosmetics.

I go bananas for pots and pans of colors!

My sons have evolved a technique to keep me from looking in the windows of Sephora because I can disappear in that store for HOURS!

My aunt, cousin, and niece all like going through my makeup and taking what I no longer use.

So it’s my niece’s birthday coming up and she, like me, loves makeup.

I bought her some nice, light colored eye shadow palettes and a pack of brushes – because every girl should learn to use brushes.

I am a damn fine auntie!