STOP IT

My friend Tom, who I’ve written about here is now happily dating a fabulous woman.

He wrote a powerful blog post about his previous roller coaster relationship and it’s worth the read just to have sentences like:

“Chiseling away at the rotten foundations of something keeping an entire reservoir of crap I needed to let go of” and

“Hey, didn’t you see that red flag?  The one you just went flying right by?”

and

“Trainwrecks are exciting too.  Do you want to live on one?”

drop like bombs into your psyche and resonate with your own twisted relationship experiences.

I sent Tom this video to watch because STOP IT is the first thing I think of when someone tells me that they’re afraid of sabotaging their wonderful NEW relationship:

Of course, what with me skipping out on meeting the new guy’s family, Tom had a choice video to send to me as well:

My new friendship is so balanced and healthy, I’m unsure what to do with myself and FOR SURE I’m afraid to leap in with both feet.

But it’s not because I’m enjoying my perfect image of him in my head right now.

No.

It’s because I’m afraid if he digs a little further and I open up he’ll realize that I’m damaged and won’t want me any more.

Of course, that’s just an irrational fear I have that I will need to get over.

With the new guy or anyone else who comes along.

I’m rather good at confronting my fears:  sailing, flying airplanes, racing cars, learning to OM, running with the bulls, etc.

So I don’t anticipate this will be a HUGE impossible hurdle for me and the new guy to get over.

It looks like I need to just take some of my own medicine and just STOP IT and enjoy myself.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night

cryI didn’t sleep a wink last night.

Insomnia is a real bitch.

It gave me plenty of time to dwell on the bombshell that dropped on me yesterday.

He has a new girlfriend.

Yes, the man who dumped me because he didn’t have enough bandwidth for a girlfriend and wanted to focus on family has hooked up with a new girlfriend.

One month ago yesterday we were waking up in bed together, now he’s got someone new.

Does that seem a little fast for you? Perhaps a little insensitive as well?

Yeah, it does for me too.

But what can you do? No one said life is fair. No one said that you would be treated with respect and kindness.

Fall down 7 times, get up 8. That quote keeps ringing through my head.

I’m just wondering how many more times he plans to kick me while I’m down.