Reason to quit online dating #147

If you’re curious what turned me off to online dating. . .besides over a decade of failure. . . I would point to “Ben.”:

This profile nicely sums up what I hate about online dating:

THIS KIND OF MAN

Surely there’s some misogyny going on here, what with him calling women “slut faces.”

I just realized that I’m no longer surprised when I come across profiles like these and that it’s time to get off dating apps.

I’ll just have to put my efforts elsewhere and not linger too long thinking about how much time I wasted on online dating apps.

I did meet The Swede and Big Joe.

And Nate – all who have become good friends.

So obviously there are some decent people using these apps.

But in my estimation, making three friends over 15 years of online dating doesn’t constitute a great success rate.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Volunteering.

Burning Man.

Friends.

These are all great ways to get out and mingle with good people who aren’t going to call you “slut face” before they’ve even met you.

New Year’s Resolutions

I’ve had it with 2020!

What a year!

I’m so glad it’s behind us.

I’ve been giving some serious thought to life improvements that I want to see in 2021.

To begin with, I downloaded Acorn, a spare change savings tool to help me spend less money and invest more.

AND TO THAT END, I also downloaded Robinhood, so I can invest in stocks.

It’s funny how something as simple as improving one’s finances can seem like such a steep hill to climb when you don’t have the resources.

Well, my friend Nadine was the one who started me on it.

Nadine is a tax accountant and she convinced me that it’s time to start investing.

Not just in my retirement account – which is on track – but also to make extra money.

Seriously, I LOVE my Strawberry Dress but I could’ve spent the money in a better way by investing in Tesla, or Apple.

Anything, really.

The other New Year’s resolution I have is to stop aging.

That’s right, I’m sick and tired of the wrinkles developing on my face.

I’ve been following some TikTok dermatologists and I’ve picked up a few tips from them:  including a regimen to lighten dark spots, even out skin tone, and diminish fine lines and wrinkles: Differin Gel for deep pore cleansing, 10% kojic acid for improving sun spots, 10% azelaic acid for improving and evening out skin tone, hyaluronic acid for hydration, and retinol for all the little wrinkles showing up on my face.

My final resolution is to spend half the time I spent looking for a mate on getting in shape.

I plan to totally ignore my Tinder and Bumble accounts and instead focus on healthy eating habits with my sister on our mutual Optavia diet.

Every time I get the urge to reach out and text a strange man I met online, I’m going to INSTEAD spend some time checking out my investments, researching new opportunities, or going for a walk.

I also made a resolution to improve my friendships by focusing on being supportive, caring, and available.

Seeing as how I won’t be online using Bumble or Tinder, that should provide me with plenty of time to focus on the people I love who mean everything to me.

And that’s the end of my New Year’s resolutions for 2021.

Wish me luck!

Done with that

I need to rethink my approach to meeting men.

I’ve been relying HEAVILY on online dating applications to introduce me to people, yet so very few of the men I meet become friends.

My success rate is seriously DOWN IN THE DUMPS right now.

Obviously, with my track record of online dating being so poor, it’s hard to understand why I continue to try my hand at it.

The answer is simple:  It makes me FEEL like I’m accomplishing something.

I’m meeting men, though they’re not right for me, and what more can I do besides make an effort to get to know single available men.

The problem is that men are easy to come by and the slightest red flag sends me running.

I know I’m guilty of not investing as much as I should on a first date because it’s real easy to arrange another first date with another acceptable man.

But if you stand at the end of that long road, and look back – it’s a rather uninteresting and somewhat painful journey.

Particularly when you had no idea you’d be living so much of your adult life in an uncoupled up state.

I like being single when the alternative is being with someone who doesn’t make me happy.

But when the alternative is love, I’m 100% for leaving singlehood behind.

I’m not sure why finding someone who makes me happy is taking so long.

Going forward into 2021, I’ve decided to lay off the online dating websites for a while.

Not because I’m giving up, but because I recognize a stagnant pattern when I see one.

Now, in order for me to meet a man, he’s going to have to be the one who is looking.

Because I’m done with that.

Online dating in a shelter-at-home state

My experiment with profile photos taught me some valuable lessons.

Do you remember when I put THIS as my profile pic?

Well, needless to say I have learned not to expect to sip safely from the firehose when it’s turned on full force.

It was a deluge.

Here are my new profile photos:

I must admit, there may be fewer matches, but my matches have been better suited to me than when I posted my boudoir photo.

But the nature of online dating is changing.

Everyone seems more willing to text first for a while – even the men who COMPLAIN about having to text are getting into the swing of things.

I’ve hosted a few FaceTime dates myself.

It’s only slightly more awkward than meeting in person.

As a writer, this thrills me.

I express myself with words and I respond to text better than most.

I’m intrigued to see how the age of corona virus will affect online dating.

I for one have slowed down my swiping, but find myself texting longer with men than I have in the past.

It’s not like we can just meet up for a drink anymore.

Instantly Amazing, just add alcohol

Yesterday I wrote a blog post and I titled it “Not Instantly Amazing.”

It was a knee jerk reaction to having yet another first date with a man who I’m sure went right back on Tinder and started swiping left and right as soon as he got home.

I should clarify:

I am an AMAZING person.

I am EXTRAORDINARY, just like everyone else on the planet.

A real one-of-a-kind treasure.

I wish I had the bandwidth to maintain relationships with more people because (as I’m fond of saying about my birthfamily) more people to love and to love you is NEVER a bad thing.

The trick of course, is to manage to put yourself out there.

And in my humble opinion, people are now unwilling to take more time to get to know you because it’s so easy to just get back online and start swiping.

A friend made a comment on my blog post “Not Instantly Amazing”:

You have such presence.  I find this hard to believe.

And it’s true.

I do have presence.

But it’s much easier to be myself in a Burning Man crowd than on a first date when I go into information gathering mode:  what do you do, how many kids do you have, what are your hobbies, etc.?

First dates are hard.

I should know, I go on SO MANY.

So perhaps I should revise my post title from “Not Instantly Amazing” to “Instantly Amazing, just add alcohol.”

Because a little liquid libation goes a long way to socially lube up a conversation.

Jessica Rabbit

Sometimes, wisdom falls from the lips of your friends like ripe apples off a tree.

I was at a party this weekend when my friend Anne took the time to voice what she thinks the problem is with me and online dating.

I’m a type.

Specifically, I’m the blonde and big-breasted type which means that instead of interacting with me as a human being, men are making assumptions about my personality and character and reacting to their perception of me.

Wow!

How true is that?

It may take more or less time, depending on the man, but eventually they all seem to gravitate towards my appearance.

And what can I say, I’ve learned to play up my assets and therefore I am partially responsible for being treated like the cartoon character Jessica Rabbit.

I’ve never heard it put so succinctly.

When you’re perceived as a “type” maybe you have to work extra hard to combat the stereotype that your physical presence resembles.

Do I do that?

Not really.

Just look at my profile pictures:  all busty, filled with glorious blonde hair, and in suggestive poses:

It makes me think that even though I get a lot of right swipes on my profile, I might be better served to tone down my profile and emphasize my less-stereotypical attributes than play them up.

No more low-cut cleavage shots.

No more boudoir pictures.

Just me.

It would make for a good experiment and I have a photographer friend who may just help me select different photos.

Wish me luck!

Latin lover

I want to date a Spaniard.

Or maybe a man from South America.

The bottom line is, I am ready to meet a sexy Latin lover.

Why am I talking like this?

Well, I met a hot, sexy Latin man last week and ever since then I’ve been dreaming about the possibilities.

I’m not without my own Latin man experiences.

My father was born in South America and immigrated to the US when he was young.

So I’m used to having impassioned, strong-willed, masculine men in my life.

Maybe this guy will ask me out and I’ll get a chance to sample the pleasures of dating a Latin man.

Maybe he won’t.

The bottom line is my bucket list is sadly lacking in this department and I intend to remedy this.

Right away.

Starting with finding a sexy Latin man to date.

Watch out Tinder, ‘cuz I’m coming for you. . .

SMH

The other night I tried to line up a booty call.

But no one could play.

That is to say, everyone I contacted was so far away it was prohibitive.

Le sigh.

I sent out a bunch of text messages.

Some of you may have gotten a text message from me.

You know who you are.

This was my attempt (and a poor one at that) to arrange a booty call for Saturday night.

This is par for the course with me.

Every time I think I’m going to cut loose and just enjoy myself something happens to throw a wrench in the works.

Now, more than ever I need to make LOCAL friends.

The kind that live 10 minutes from me, preferably.

I have one new friend in my town.

Sadly, he’s gone for the holidays and won’t be back until December 3rd.

I did go online and met another single man who lives in my area.

We are supposed to have a date tonight.

So we shall see how that develops.

Changing my profile pic on Tinder has certainly upped the ante when it comes to dates.

I’m starting to wonder if we aren’t all online looking for hookups and thinking maybe something will come of it, instead of everyone being online looking for a LTR and finding FWB instead.

This is my new approach to dating, and one that I think my photographer-friend heartily approves of.

Looking for a FWB and stumbling across a LTR by accident.

SMH (which by the way, means Shaking My Head and NOT SEX MIGHT HELP).

Just FYI!

Bathing in sunblock

Ever since I put THIS picture up on Tinder, I’ve been getting a ton of emails from men.

Among the responses, I got two dick pics.

Now, I’m not going to complain because that would just be silly.

Put a provocative picture out there, expect to get provocative pictures back.

That’s the rules folks.

I put the bait in the water, I shouldn’t be surprised when I catch a corresponding fish.

So I’m not writing this to complain about dick pics.

No.

One such “fish” is from Germany.

Quite a sexy beast too.

A private pilot who flies corporate jets for a living.

Now, I’ve been warned about pilots.

So I asked him, “ARE YOU MARRIED?”

He told me “Recently separated.”

Right-O.

I’ll bet his wife doesn’t know this!

Anyway, at best I’ve made a few sext partners through this photo.

At worst I’ll have to fend off some groping hands on a date.

All in all, I’m pretty happy to have found some new blood to keep me entertained.

The German Pilot asked me to send a current photo, so I obliged.

He doesn’t think I look 46 years old.

He says I look like I’m in my 20s.

[NOTE:  He may be referring to pictures I sent that had other body parts besides my face.]

I had to politely explain that I virtually bathe in sunblock every day.

Personally, I think I look my age give or take only about 5 years or so.

And I’m okay with that.

Growing old is a luxury denied to many.

But I thank my lucky stars that I worked in a spa in my 20s and was advised to wear sunblock every day.

As for The German Pilot, he can go home to his “recently-separated” wife and “reconcile.”

I learned my lesson with Stargazer.

No married men.

Put ’em up!

I went and did something crazy.

I took a provocative photo of myself and uploaded it to Tinder and the response has been explosive!

It’s a picture of me, in a fake police officer hat and black lingerie.

I remember being impressed with the picture when I took it and it’s one I share with “special” friends.

You know who you are.

I also occasionally post it to unblunder.

For having no nudity, it sure is a fun picture.

I guess it shows off my playful side.

As if the burner pics of me in faux fur, purple hair, and costumes don’t ALREADY say I’m fun, this definitely reinforces it.

I think it also appeals to all the subby men who’d like to get “arrested” and “taken away” by a hot police officer.

One guy asked what costumes I have in my collection.

The more appropriate question is what costumes DON’T I have in my collection.

Anyway, Tinder has been crazy fun the last few days and I’m just amused as all get up that the response to the picture has been so swift and strong.

I think maybe I’ll post THIS one next. . .

JUST KIDDING!