Commando

So I’m at work, wearing a lovely sunflower yellow sundress.

I got three compliments within 15 minutes of arriving at work.

One person told me “You better have a date tonight. It’d be a shame to waste that dress.”

The truth is I LOVE this dress.

I’m going to wear it to the wedding I’m going to in September.

It’s simple and understated yet festive and bright.

But I discovered a design flaw.

There is no lining.

And HOW did I discover this, you might ask?

Well I turned sideways to look at my butt in the bathroom mirror at work and discovered. . .

. . that my blue lace underwear was TOTALLY SHOWING THROUGH MY YELLOW DRESS.

Now I understand why so many people were looking at me when I went to lunch.

It wasn’t (just because ) I looked pretty.

No, it’s because they could see my knickers!

The thing is, now I have to figure out what to do to get myself through the rest of my work day without flashing too many more people my undergarments.

And I think I’ve come up with a pretty good answer.

One that will make all my “unblunder” followers proud.

I’m going commando!

 

This post is hard to write

This post is hard to write on account of it hits a little too close to home.

Just a little too much truth in it.

So.

I ordered three pairs of high-waisted bikini bottoms from the UK in order to wear them to Burning Man.

Nice, right?

Well, they arrived and I opened up the package, pulled out the bikini bottoms, and discovered. . .

. . . that they were absolutely MASSIVE.

We’re talking HUGE knickers here.

I thought, “there’s NO WAY those will fit me!”

The bad news is: they fit.

The good news is: just barely.

Yeah, I’m one skipped breakfast away from having those bikini bottoms drop to the floor.

Nevertheless, this whole experience gave me pause.

For the first time in a long time, I felt unattractively fat.

Now.

I know I’m a thick girl and that some men find thick sexy.

And that some men don’t.

I’ve always been okay with my curves.

But to feel unattractive?

Well that just isn’t going to fly with me.

Inner Child

Did you ever just fall in love with something and had to have it, at any price?

Well, I was shopping around for faux fur, like any good burner does, and I stumbled across this beautiful pastel faux fur from Fur Addiction in Australia.

I instantly thought of my unicorn hot pants, lavender lace cami, and pink fishnets.

Ohhhhhh!

Love!

What could be better than buying a pastel jacket to go with my raver girl outfit?

I contacted my etsy seamstress who made my white faux fur jacket for my Star Wars burlesque outfit.

How much to sew it? $35.

Done and done!

So I’m having the fur shipped to my seamstress who will build me a pastel faux fur jacket for my pink, lavender and blue unicorn hot pants outfit.

It’s just too AWESOME for words!

Once again, it occurs to me that I should be too mature for things like faux fur jackets and anything colored pink, lavender and light blue.

I should be.

BUT I’M NOT!

I’m literally off my gourd with excitement.

And anything that makes me this happy is something I’m going to pursue.

Thank you Burning Man, for letting my inner child play dress up!

Outfit Inspiration

I’m adding two new outfits to the Burning Man repertoire – a rainbow body suit with fence net stockings and a glorious multicolored caftan with a gorgeous gold bikini.

I can’t tell you how much I LOVE the rainbow bodysuit.

I already wore it at unSCruz, although I wore it with the wrong kind of stockings.

The caftan and bikini I also adore and I take them with me to all my Burning Man trips, in the hopes of wearing them.

Yet they’ve never been worn.

Time to retire a few outdated outfits, too.

The only one I’m tempted to hold on to is the green nuclear absinthe fairy costume, which was my FAVORITE outfit for SoulFire Precompression in June of 2015.  That neon green hair is THE BOMB and fluoresces under blacklight.

Everything else stays the same, which makes it easy for me to create my Inventory Binder – cut, copy, paste.

I’m tempted, between now and the Burn – less than 100 days away now – to work on one new costume.

We’ll just have to see what inspiration strikes me.

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My Quinceañera

I have occasion to attend a Labyrinth themed wedding.

And there’s one thing you must know. . .

I LOVE LAYRINTH!

The muppets.

The music.

The costumes.

And ESPECIALLY David Bowie.

So the idea of someone throwing a Labyrinth themed wedding is PERFECT and really got my creative juices flowing.

First thing, I need a ballgown.

Not an evening gown, mind you, but an honest to goodness, full skirted ballgown!

After looking online for a while, I realized that the best inexpensive ballgowns out there are quinceañera dresses.

I can’t even PRONOUNCE quinceañera, but I love the dreaminess of the dresses!

I found a lovely quinceañera dress online in about a zillion colors and I decided to go with a nice grape purple.

Isn’t it lovely?

Of course, taking inspiration from the movie, I’ve decided to accessorize it with a matching masquerade ball mask and silver wings.

Done.

And done.

So there you have it.

Another outfit crafted by moi for a wonderful celebratory event!

Color me happy (or purple)!

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Naked under my mumu

I just bought a mumu.

A Kaftan, so to speak.

I fell in love with the vibrant colors and whipped out my credit card immediately.

Here it is. . .

devarshyWhere am I going to wear it, you ask?

Easy.

I’m going to wear it in the mornings at Burning Man as I’m getting ready for my day – drinking coffee, eating bacon, downing a Bloody Mary. . .

I bought a black bikini to go under it, but it reality I just might go naked.

Who cares if it’s see-through?

This is Burning Man!

Anyone who’s looking that hard deserves to see something.

It has taken me 42 years of life to finally break down and buy a mumu, but I went and did it.

And I feel no remorse.

I feel like I’m going to be a bright shining beacon of color on the playa and that I will absolutely LOVE my Devarshy mumu (aka Kaftan).

It’ll also go great with my Indian-themed bed spread.

I also found this other mumu that I love – with a lion’s head on the front of it.

Screen Shot 2016-06-08 at 12.34.58 PMHow cool is that?

So if you hear about some woman, running around the playa in a mumu with 10 bazillion different colors, know THAT’S ME!

Come say hi and give me a hug!

I know I’m going semi naked but…

Okay.  I know I’m going to be semi naked (aka partially nude) at Burning Man.

For the most part I’ve given up the idea of wearing outfits and instead have embraced expediency (wear what’s easy), pragmatism (wear what’s comfortable), and cultural norms (be your own sexy self).  But then THIS arrived in the mail and if you could ONLY IMAGINE HOW HAPPY IT MADE ME you would give me one of these every day for the rest of my life just to see me that happy on a regular basis.

It’s a cutout rainbow jumpsuit.

With sparkles.

I did not take the jumpsuit off once I put it on.  I actually SLEPT in it, I loved it that much.  See the SPARKLES (not glitter sparkles that can fall off and become MOOP but sparkles sewn into the fabric!)

I showed my mother and she screwed up and face and said she didn’t like my cleavage.

What’s wrong with my cleavage, I ask you?

I think my cleavage looks great.  And just to show how “in the mood” the jumpsuit made me feel, I put on my “LOVE” glasses and danced around the house as my own sexy self!

Love you all!

Burning Man Outfit #1

I put together an outfit cybernetically and I’d like you to tell me what you think of it:

Dress (in t-shirt material, nice and light)

Or this skirt, with a matching top…

Headdress, love all the dread lock-like strings hanging off of it!

Ear cuffs, because you know, MAYBE my ears will show and I’ll need elf-like ears.

And finally, the wings.  Because I want wings.  Aren’t they lovely?

Oh wait, gotta have some fringed boots!

Or maybe these platform boots.  They look HOT though.

Cost per item is:

  • Dress – $99
  • Skirt – $175
  • Headdress – $175
  • Ear Cuffs – $56
  • Wings – $40
  • Boots – $94
  • Platform boots – $85

So what do you think?  Pure shit?  Too hot?  Not exotic enough?  Too much money?  Not enough sin, I mean skin?  Let me know in the comments below.