Lesson Learned

I am notorious for buying outfits for themed events – such as the Star Wars Party or 80s Rock Stars Party – and then not trying the clothes on until just before the event.

Sometimes, this results in a few snafus.

For instance, I got this lovely dress for the Teal and Lavender Party.

I’m going to tell you right now, how I managed to find the PERFECT dress is a total mystery to me, but there you have it, a dress with TEAL and LAVENDER!

I snapped it up.

Unfortunately, it didn’t REALLY come in my size so I had to hope that the forgiving cut of the design would accommodate my curves.

There I am, getting dressed in the hotel and I try to slip on the dress and OH GOD, IT’S STUCK ON MY BOOBS.

Sure enough, the dress was long and flowing but the under slip was tight and form fitting and I SWEAR I HAD TO STUFF MY BOOBS INTO THAT SLIP LIKE I WAS STUFFING A WATERMELON INTO A SAUSAGE CASING.

Fortunately, it made wearing a bra totally unnecessary.

I turned to look at myself in the mirror and that’s when I noticed. . .

The dress was pretty much see-through.

Yup, if you stared at it, you could see everything – my panties, my lack of a bra, my nipples, even my flipping belly button!

Now, what you need to know is that I had a second dress with me.

A long tie dye maxi dress.

So I technically COULD HAVE changed into that.

But I was so determined that I was going to wear that beautiful ombre dress that I refused to change.

Instead I brought the second dress with me as a “wardrobe change.”

I spent most of the evening sitting in the shade at the party, trying to hide my nakedness from the partygoers.

Until it came time to jump in the hot tub.

Then the clothes came off. . .

Rainbow Bright

I have fallen in love.

No, it’s not what you’re thinking.

I’m not quitting my job and moving to Sweden.

Oh, my Swedish is ATROCIOUS!

No.

I’ve fallen in love with a summer dress.

Don’t you just love it too?

I have a fundraiser coming up and I’ve decided I’m going to wear it for the fundraiser.

I bought a pair of yellow heels:

And a cute little yellow flower fascinator to wear.

I’m not sure why I get captured by outfits the way I do.

I’m going to a Village meeting this Saturday and I’m wearing a steampunk outfit to that:

But this rainbow striped dress?

So lovely!

Two hams in a sausage casing

Well, I tried.

I got invited to a Valentine’s Pub Crawl (well TWO, actually) and I wanted to wear something saucy.

So I went online and ordered something I don’t have in my closet already (if you can believe that).

I ordered a pink latex dress.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m losing weight, but I suddenly find myself flush with body confidence.

And I wanted to put that body confidence in a latex dress.

I also got a faux fur jacket to match.

And voilà!

Some sort of fun and outstanding outfit for the crawl.

Yes, I was running the risk of putting on the dress only to discover I looked like two hams stuffed in a sausage casing, but hey!

Life is risk, no?

Sadly, hams or no hams, I wasn’t even able to try on the dress because the store I bought it from cancelled my order.

Needless to say I was irritated.

When I put effort into planning an outfit and there is a catastrophic failure of the outfit, I get a little miffed.

But you heard it here first –

Someday, regardless of this botched attempt, I’m going to wear latex!

Woot!

Roar

I’m working on a new Burning Man outfit, loosely inspired by THIS image:

I LOVE the large, colorful graphic sphinx swimsuit and literally SCOURED THE INTERNET looking for a similar lion swimsuit.

This was as close as I came, but sadly was years old and therefore sold out in all sizes.

I happened upon several swimsuits on Wish.com but we’ve already established how well Chinese clothes fit me (not at all).

So I was THRILLED when I finally stumbled across THIS lovely and colorful swimsuit on Poshmark in my size.

Throw on a pair of fishnet tights and my lovely black boots:

And you ALMOST have a completed look.

It needs something on top.

I’m thinking, given all the colors in the suit, that a flower crown will look nice and jungle appropriate out there on the playa:

And voilà!

One lion outfit done and ready to go to Burning Man.

P.S. Don’t forget, the WHOLE reason I am working with swimsuits is that I am trying to minimize my packing while maximizing clothing options.

If I can work up the courage to wear these outfits on the playa.

We shall see. . .

Costume SEASON!

I do declare that costume season has begun!

And look how excited I am about it. . .

First, I get to dress up in my Thanksgiving Pilgrim costume and crawl through the streets of Mountain View imbibing questionable amounts of alcoholic beverages.

Then I get to wear my Santa Con Santa outfit for the South Bay Santa Con!

Ditto with the street crawling and questionable amounts of alcoholic beverages.

Finally, there’s STAR WARS!

Yes folks, I’m going to see Star Wars IN COSTUME.

Princess Leia, to be exact.

Last time I wore the outfit I got stopped and people asked to take pictures with me.

It was quite fun!

And of course, Bay Boy’s birthday party is coming up and that’s always a good opportunity to get creative and wear something outrageous.

Can’t wait for the festivities to begin!

Excess

I *may* have gone a bit overboard with my latest costume creation – the black burner bunny costume.

I bought SIX black bathing suits in order to find the one that will be JUST RIGHT for the outfit.

FYI, you can see more of the outfit and the inspiration for it HERE.

The thing is, I’m kinda particular about bathing suits.

Some look great, others not-so-great.

It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right one.

Here, I bought SIX bathing suits.

I bet you I’ll be lucky if I like myself in ONE of these suits.

This MAY seem crazy to you, but right now I have a lot of excess energy I’m trying to funnel in positive directions.

I’ll admit, I went a little overboard.

How many black, plunging neckline bathing suits does a woman need?

Well, the answer is SIX!

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Commando

So I’m at work, wearing a lovely sunflower yellow sundress.

I got three compliments within 15 minutes of arriving at work.

One person told me “You better have a date tonight. It’d be a shame to waste that dress.”

The truth is I LOVE this dress.

I’m going to wear it to the wedding I’m going to in September.

It’s simple and understated yet festive and bright.

But I discovered a design flaw.

There is no lining.

And HOW did I discover this, you might ask?

Well I turned sideways to look at my butt in the bathroom mirror at work and discovered. . .

. . that my blue lace underwear was TOTALLY SHOWING THROUGH MY YELLOW DRESS.

Now I understand why so many people were looking at me when I went to lunch.

It wasn’t (just because ) I looked pretty.

No, it’s because they could see my knickers!

The thing is, now I have to figure out what to do to get myself through the rest of my work day without flashing too many more people my undergarments.

And I think I’ve come up with a pretty good answer.

One that will make all my “unblunder” followers proud.

I’m going commando!

 

This post is hard to write

This post is hard to write on account of it hits a little too close to home.

Just a little too much truth in it.

So.

I ordered three pairs of high-waisted bikini bottoms from the UK in order to wear them to Burning Man.

Nice, right?

Well, they arrived and I opened up the package, pulled out the bikini bottoms, and discovered. . .

. . . that they were absolutely MASSIVE.

We’re talking HUGE knickers here.

I thought, “there’s NO WAY those will fit me!”

The bad news is: they fit.

The good news is: just barely.

Yeah, I’m one skipped breakfast away from having those bikini bottoms drop to the floor.

Nevertheless, this whole experience gave me pause.

For the first time in a long time, I felt unattractively fat.

Now.

I know I’m a thick girl and that some men find thick sexy.

And that some men don’t.

I’ve always been okay with my curves.

But to feel unattractive?

Well that just isn’t going to fly with me.

Inner Child

Did you ever just fall in love with something and had to have it, at any price?

Well, I was shopping around for faux fur, like any good burner does, and I stumbled across this beautiful pastel faux fur from Fur Addiction in Australia.

I instantly thought of my unicorn hot pants, lavender lace cami, and pink fishnets.

Ohhhhhh!

Love!

What could be better than buying a pastel jacket to go with my raver girl outfit?

I contacted my etsy seamstress who made my white faux fur jacket for my Star Wars burlesque outfit.

How much to sew it? $35.

Done and done!

So I’m having the fur shipped to my seamstress who will build me a pastel faux fur jacket for my pink, lavender and blue unicorn hot pants outfit.

It’s just too AWESOME for words!

Once again, it occurs to me that I should be too mature for things like faux fur jackets and anything colored pink, lavender and light blue.

I should be.

BUT I’M NOT!

I’m literally off my gourd with excitement.

And anything that makes me this happy is something I’m going to pursue.

Thank you Burning Man, for letting my inner child play dress up!

Outfit Inspiration

I’m adding two new outfits to the Burning Man repertoire – a rainbow body suit with fence net stockings and a glorious multicolored caftan with a gorgeous gold bikini.

I can’t tell you how much I LOVE the rainbow bodysuit.

I already wore it at unSCruz, although I wore it with the wrong kind of stockings.

The caftan and bikini I also adore and I take them with me to all my Burning Man trips, in the hopes of wearing them.

Yet they’ve never been worn.

Time to retire a few outdated outfits, too.

The only one I’m tempted to hold on to is the green nuclear absinthe fairy costume, which was my FAVORITE outfit for SoulFire Precompression in June of 2015.  That neon green hair is THE BOMB and fluoresces under blacklight.

Everything else stays the same, which makes it easy for me to create my Inventory Binder – cut, copy, paste.

I’m tempted, between now and the Burn – less than 100 days away now – to work on one new costume.

We’ll just have to see what inspiration strikes me.

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