Pasties and Age Limits

I’ve been shopping for Burning Man.


It’s seriously a never-ending saga with me.

And it’s all because I love make believe.


Putting together outfits for a special event.

The thing about Burning Man is that it can get hot.

Real hot.

Especially during the day.

So I’ve been looking into buying lingerie to wear as clothing.

Give me a teddy and some cut off jean shorts and color me happy.

The problem is (or maybe it’s not a problem at all given my exhibitionist proclivities) my nipples show through the thin lace fabric.


What’s a gal to do when she has nipples showing through her teddy at Burning Man.

Nothing (technically)!

It’s all a-ok.

But for someone who doesn’t want to have her nipples stared at the obvious solution is pasties.

Pasties are basically a sticker that you put over your nipples to cover them up but still reveal your beautiful breasts.

In my lifetime I have bought half a dozen pairs of pasties and I’ve worn them exactly ZERO times.

It’s because as much as I want to look sexy, I’m not quite confident enough to pull them off.

I remind myself I’ve nursed 3 babies.

And I’m 45 years old.

Pasties are for 20-something year olds who have yet to ravage their bodies through bearing children.

Don’t pasties come with an age limit?

Sort of like those rides at the amusement park. . .

Your breasts must be THIS PERKY to wear these pasties.

Or some such nonsense.

It’s only because walking around topless in the heat at Burning Man sounds so liberating that I’m even CONSIDERING buying them again.

Maybe I’ll buy pasties, maybe I won’t.

Ultimately, I have to wear what I’m comfortable in and it seems I’m not quite ready to go there yet.

But hey, if I do?

You’ll see it here on unblunder first!

Dreams come true

If it had my druthers, I’d dress the Swede in three days of facial scruff and a bed sheet.

And TECHNICALLY you can get away with that at Burning Man.

But of course if The Swede wants to let it go a little bit and cut loose, I’ve been scoping out options for him.

First of all, he did wear outfits at unSCruz last year.

My favorite was the Viking helmet.

I love everything about it – the faux fur vest, the tattoos, the helmet.

But The Swede wants a more ACCURATE helmet, never mind that it will be HOT and HEAVY in the Black Rock desert.

Here’s what I found (to the tune of $300+ and shipping from Bulgaria):

Seriously, THE BOMB, eh?

Especially for a REAL LIVE (descendant of) Vikings!

Then, of course I found some shirts, vests, and shorts which I think would look great on him.  Of course I’d rip the sleeves off the shirt and leave it unbuttoned.

In exchange, I’m willing to unbutton my shirts too 😉

Ironically, the BEST place to shop for Burning Man clothes is secondhand shops.

I’d pay money to see The Swede decked out in Steampunk.

We’ll just have to see if my dreams come true.

Losing my sh*t

In 2015, I bought the Amazon Medallion bib from Bauble Bar.

It was awesome and I REALLY enjoyed wearing it with my tribal Burning Man outfit.

But. . .

I have managed to somehow LOSE the bag that had all the items for that outfit in it.

No necklace!

Boo! Hiss!

I was not pleased.

I replaced my tribal pants easy peasy with these AWESOME threads. . .

But I struggled to find a good replacement necklace.

Everything seemed to be too cheap (from China or India) or dripping in rhinestones.

Then I found G. Valentina who makes GORGEOUS gypsy necklaces.

She had this beautiful choker/necklace combo I FELL IN LOVE WITH.

And the rest is HISTORY!

Size 6?

It’s hard to plan for Burning Man not knowing what size I’m going to be.

My best guess is I will be at least 3 sizes smaller than I am now.

That’s about 30 – 45 pounds.

7 months, 3 sizes.

That sounds about right.

So I’m buying clothes a little smaller than I normally would and HOPING that I fit in them when the burn comes around.

There are however, some items I REALLY want to buy but can’t because they only sell them in teeny tiny sizes and I just can’t even fathom myself being small enough to fit into them.

Nevertheless, I’m posting them here, in case I wake up one day to discover that I’m a size 6 and can wear whatever the hell I want.

A girl can wish, eh?


I am trying to get ready for Burning Man.

Now that I’ve done it a few years in a row, that means organizing my gear and buying new outfits.

Guess which one is my favorite thing to do?

Buy outfits, of course!

I live on etsy when I’m planning my wardrobe for Burning Man.

You just can’t beat etsy when it comes to rave/dystopian/tribal clothes and accessories.

This year I’m having trouble though.

I’m losing weight.

And it’s really hard to predict what size I will be when Burning Man comes around.

Do you see my dilemma?

I REALLY want to shop but my hands are tied.

I’m guessing the weight is going to come off slowly so I’m only buying clothes one size smaller than I am right now.

Instead of buying an XL, I’m getting the L.

But Burning Man is 7 months from now and that is a long time to diet (my program runs 18 months).

And HOPEFULLY I’ll be MUCH smaller than I am now.

There are worse things in the world than having to resize your clothes because you’re SKINNIER!


I took three and a half bins of clothes to Burning Man.

I like to have a lot of options when it comes to my outfits.

On any given day there were AT LEAST two wardrobe changes.

Occasionally three.

I have decided that this is WAY TOO MANY CLOTHES to bring to the playa.

And so I’m downsizing to two bins.

My full-length green faux fur jacket and my black shit kicker boots together take up one bin and they are a MUST to bring to Burning Man.

That leaves me ONE BIN FOR OUTFITS.

Which means that my clothes need to be COMPACT!

Tutus, while lovely, take up A LOT of room.

So gone are the tutus, hair falls, and faux fur.

Bring on the bodysuits, bathing suits, and catsuits.

I’ve been eyeballing a few items on etsy, which I think will be PERFECT for Burning Man.

I also happen to have a LOVELY crocheted black monokini.

Plus red and purple teddies from Yandy which only need a pair of jeans shorts to complete the outfit.


This may all seem quite CRAZY to you, but take it from a consummate consumer, it’s actually quite a big move on my part and will certainly be a HUGE CHALLENGE for me.

But in keeping with the non-consumerism vibe of Burning Man, I think I need to do it.

I like the idea of wearing nothing but bodysuits, bathing suits, and teddies to Burning Man.

Nothing like showing off a little T&A, eh?

Dress to please your inner child

white witch michelleTonight I’m helping Marina select outfits for UnSCruz and eventually, for Burning Man.

I call them “outfits” and “costumes” interchangeably. It’s really challenging to figure out what to call them.

Burners dislike those terms because they imply a layer of falseness when in reality, your clothes on the playa are supposed to REVEAL THE TRUE YOU underneath your default world persona.

My best advice for building a burner wardrobe is for virgin burners to DRESS TO PLEASE THEIR INNER CHILD.

I personally think that the best way to get in touch with your inner child is to brainstorm ALL THE COSTUMES you think you’d like to wear. For me those costumes were:

  • White wizard
  • Radioactive absinthe fairy
  • Rainbow tutu
  • Colorful jumpsuit
  • The color pink
  • Mad Max
  • St. Pauli Girl
  • Ringmaster
  • Orgasm fairy
  • Playboy bunny
  • Alice in Wonderland rabbit
  • Cupid
  • Egyptian priestess

At least two things playa-specific should be taken into consideration – will it MOOP and can you light it up?

You don’t want a glittery costume that MOOPs all over Black Rock City. And you need a costume that lights up at night so you don’t get creamed by people on bikes in the darkness.

I’m relatively good at getting non-MOOPy costumes. I’m not so good at lighting them up.

But, I’m EXCELLENT at getting in touch with my inner child and coming up with costume ideas.

Which is why I’m helping Marina brainstorm outfits.

My inner child and her inner child let out to play. . .

Man, it’s gonna be WILD!

I’m not gonna lie to you

I’m not gonna lie to you.

I went a little overboard this time and I know it.

Truth be told, if I didn’t have so much free time at work I NEVER would have even entertained the idea of doing this.

But I did have free time.

And so I went ahead and did it.

I organized all my outfits for Burning Man in graphic form.

I basically created a collage of each outfit.

And I learned a lot about my fashion choices – some I like and some I don’t like as much.

My favorite is the silver leggings with the rainbow crochet halter top.

All the outfits need accessories and lights to pair with them so hopefully this will help me get organized and pull those things together.

And because I am really sick in the head, I’m going to post them here, basically so that I can look at them whenever I want and feel happy.

Burning Man 2016 is coming and I’m going.

outfit1 outfit2


outfit3 copy outfit4 copy


outfit5 copy outfit6


outfit7 outfit8 copy


outfit9 copy outfit10


outfit11 copy outfit12 copy


outfit13 outfit14


outfit15 copy outfit16 copy


Burning Man Mysteries

white witch michelleThings which still elude me at Burning Man

  1. How to keep my cuticles properly hydrated at Burning Man. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them any worse than post TTITD.
  2. How to comb long hair at Burning Man. I swear it was impossible to brush my hair. I finally gave up and just let my hair become one big dread lock.
  3. Cameras at Burning Man. How to keep them functioning. Mine froze up after I left it out in a dust storm (I know, I know). I know better now. The things you don’t think of until it’s too late.
  4. How to use a fucking ratchet strap. Am I the only person on the planet that can’t figure it out? Yes, I think I am.
  5. Costumes or outfits? Which is more P.C.? I like to call them costumes but that implies it’s a layer of clothing I put on to achieve an effect instead of a removal of outer barriers to who I really am.
  6. Nudity on the playa. Sure, the hot 20 somethings go naked on the playa but does anyone want to see my 40 year old mom bod? For that matter, do I want to put it on display? Lord knows I love naked retreats but not when I have to stand next to naked American Pie bodies. [P.S. I did go naked at the Human Carcass Wash and the Sauna Dome last year.]
  7. Will it make a difference to my burn now that I know more people in the Burning Man community – more people in Silicon Village and other Bay Area camps?
  8. If there is no shower set up for our camp, can I bring water to friend’s RVs and take a shower, with their permission?
  9. Two years ago, it was rain, last year it was bugs and bats, what “catastrophes” will befall Burning Man 2016? There always seems to be hurdles. But if it was easy then everyone would do it.
  10. Will this year truly be any better than last year? I hope so, but there’s no way to be sure. Maybe I’ll feel as alone as I did in 2015. And that would be a shame.