Prince Albert

I am a sneaky person.

Yes I am.

I may not have a poker face, but I sure as hell can be sneaky about some stuff.

For instance, nudity.

I like to think that I’m all blasé about it but in reality, I am not.

I think, “OH! A naked person!” and then my eyes drink up the sight of them, regardless if they are male, female, or non-binary.

But I don’t look outright.

No, that would be rude!

I SNEAK A PEEK.

Because staring is rude but a sneak peek is A-OK.

The other night, I snuck in a peek at a naked man and I saw something surprising.

A piercing through his junk.

Are they called Prince Alberts?

I think they are.

Well, he had one and it was there, clear as day.

He is the third man I’ve met with one of these piercings.

The first one is a casual friend who I met at a “lingerie” party.

The second man actually stuck a lock through his piecing and then walked around with bolt cutters asking people to cut it off.

OMG.

Now, I’m not clear on whether or not it enhances HIS PLEASURE during sex, but I think it’s safe to say it probably adds some extra friction for HER PLEASURE.

I’m not adverse to Prince Alberts.

I actually find them very interesting (though my experience is limited to visual not physical explorations).

Truthfully, it seems like a very easy way to lead a man around by his penis.

And I’ve always loved the idea of taking one with me.

On a leash.

Through his piercing.

SoulFire 2016: The Shirtcocking Chronicles

Do you know what shirtcocking is?

It’s when a man walks around naked wearing nothing but a shirt (often an unbuttoned short sleeve shirt) with his peen hanging out underneath.

Shirt + cock = shirtcocking

Shirtcocking is tolerated with amusement at Burning Man and regionals.

It is thought that shirtcocking originates when a man wants to walk around naked (a perfectly acceptable past time at a naturist retreat) but he’s worried about burning his chest, back, and shoulders, so he puts on a shirt.

There was A LOT of shirtcocking at Lupin this past weekend.

Maybe because of the 95 degree heat.

The only thing to do was get naked and jump in the pool to cool off.

I went to the pool and saw a lot of peen this past weekend.

It seems like there’s always at least twice as many men as women at the pool.

But hanging out at the pool was great.

I love seeing body diversity – tall, round, short, squat, slim, and everything in between.

Of course as my friend The Blonde Goddess put it, “There’s nothing like being at a nude resort to make you feel fat.”

I had my issues, but I fought them and in the end had a wonderful time.

I’ve drunk my fill of naked men and women.

And those shirtcockers?

Well, I just let them shirtcock.

And giggled on the inside.

Here’s my picture of all the cocks that were shirtcocking:

bratwurst

No HARD feelings

imageToday I’d like to discuss something very serious.

Something that impacts sex lives everywhere.

Yes today friends we’re going to discuss IMPOTENCE.

It used to be that every time I tried to get some action, action materialized in the form of a nice, hard unit and it TOOK CARE OF BUSINESS (except for that unfortunate incident of whiskey dick at UCSB).

That was in my 20’s and 30’s.

In my 40’s however it’s a different story.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

And there’s no predicting it.

Men who you’d think would have trouble, get it up just fine. And men who you’d think have no trouble just can’t seem to get a rise out of it.

Take The Hunk, for instance.

Tall, fit, and sexy, you’d think his unit would work just fine.

But you’d be WRONG!

And it just makes me think that perhaps IT’S TIME TO WARN A GIRL THAT IT MIGHT NOT WORK.

You know, just to frame that night’s activities properly and to prepare her for a possible change in plans.

That way if it DOES work then kudos to her. She’ll feel sexy and accomplished for helping him get it up so they can get it on.

I have to believe that men who have this problem know about it.

If it were me, I’d be running to the urologist for my Viagra-Cialis cocktail/IV drip.

Since men don’t like to admit their liftage problems, I’ve developed a couple of tests to determine if in fact you’re dealing with a flaccid problem:

  1. You kiss and when you grope his crotch, nothing is hard.
  2. You straddle his waist but nothing rises to the occasion.
  3. You go down on him and find nothing but a softie.
  4. You GO DOWN ON HIM FOR 20 MINUTES and still find a softie. True story.
  5. No matter what you do, he never gets hard.  Also true story.

That’s your clue. Nothing gets hard. Or it gets hard then fades away quickly. Doesn’t bode well for bedroom activity.

And just so you don’t think I’m a total heartless bitch, let me point out that impotence can be a sign of serious medical illness so don’t ignore it, SEE YOUR DOCTOR.

In closing, I would like to say that I think honesty and full-disclosure is the best policy. Intimacy can be achieved many ways and not all of them involve penetration (although the best ones usually do).

Full disclosure just allows you to get creative with your bedroom skills and makes sure that there are NO HARD FEELINGS!