Dry Burn

The first thing you need to know about Burning Man 2019 is that I GOT MY PERIOD the day I was leaving for the playa.

And all my toiletry supplies were packed into the back of a locked trailer, blocked in by bikes, air mattresses, and supplies.

Fortunately, Stargazer came to my rescue.

He took me out to run a few last-minute errands and picking up tampons was one of those errands.

My mortification was only surpassed by my gratefulness to him for helping me out in a pinch.

So, in case you’re wondering if I went hog wild on the playa and found myself lovers to play with, the answer is no.

I was kinda thinking about the stargazer that I left behind.

AND my body was having NONE OF IT!

No play for Burning Man 2019.

So sorry if you were looking forward to tales of cocks – be they hard or half-hard.

I took off for the playa with 12 condoms and I returned with 12 condoms.

Cry your tears now because I’m actually quite happy with how my burn turned out, even without lovers.

Not that I didn’t have the opportunity.

I just found myself more interested in seeing art and enjoying my little camp community than going out and getting my freak on with other people.

I know it’s too new for me to be able to say one way or another whether Stargazer and I will continue to date.

But I prefer to err on the side of caution.

So it was a dry burn for me, in more than one way.

Get a Clue

michelleWith all the apps out there I’m not surprised that there’s one to track your period.

Exciting stuff, I know!

I just started using the app “Clue” to monitor my periods.

Seeing as how I’m not on birth control OR paying any attention whatsoever to my periods, I am always SURPRISED when they arrive and INTERRUPT my fun.

Now I have an app that warns me that my period is coming, which is much better than going to the bathroom and getting a SURPRISE.

Clue also has a feature where it tells you when you’re approaching your “FERTILE WINDOW.”

Now personally, I’d like to get a HUGE PSYCHEDELIC SIGN notifying me that I’m ovulating and to WATCH THE FUCK OUT!

But no. I simply get a little button that reads “2 days to F.W.”

At 42 do I still have a FERTILE WINDOW?!?!

FUCK ME, I suppose that I do.

Personally, I think it’d be great if all the men that I play with could just get vasectomies.

Why put all the birth control pressure on me? Why not get a little snip snip and end the conversation?

Mind you, I’m a bit of a wild child and I don’t mind living on the edge.

But if I get pregnant AGAIN (for the 7th time) the baby better come out with a nanny attached.

‘Nuf said.