Photos you should never post to your online dating profile

We’re SUPPOSED to read each profile carefully to determine goodness-of-fit. But let’s face it, the first thing we do is scope out those pics. So here are a few tips to help you get your profile in tip top shape (Mark, Grant, and John).

1.  No ten year old photos of yourself. You’re fooling no one.  Also avoid pics with excessive alcohol (see below):

image2.  No bathroom selfie (FYI, I’m covered in a honey treatment for my hair. Very sticky and very gooey.)

image3. No half-naked men shots. Just don’t.

image4. No photo of you doing something that doesn’t make sense (like eating a bug).

image5. No group shot. Boring!

image6.  No pic with your ex cropped out.


Trash fence

I always sum up my Burning Man experience each year with one quick phrase:

  • 2015 was the year I got dumped.  I also got ditched but when you get dumped, that sort of eclipses everything else, don’t you think?  Still, it stung.
  • 2016 was my abstinent year (I know, I know, how UNLIKE me!).
  • 2017 was the year I lived through my vagina.
  • And 2018 was the year of art.

That’s right.

I saw TONS of art.

I’m not sure I would have seen as much art had my dear friend and her kid not taken me under their wing and led me right to the art.

For a woman with an ADVENTURE BLOG, I should be more adventurous, right?

Then again, I’ve run with the bulls.

Raced stock cars.

And eaten Korean silkworm larvae (only if spitting counts).

So I’ll forgive myself for not feeling motivated on my own.

With the help of my friends, I actually made it to the TRASH FENCE.

And I snapped a picture to prove it:

And just because I’m in a sharing mood, here are some of my favorite Burning Man 2018 pictures:

And a few more pics which I’m sure I didn’t take but they’re on my phone, all credit to the photographers (LMK if it’s you):

The Makeout Thread

Sexting has been replaced with the Makeout Thread.

It’s basically a group of women who share their interests, activities, and love lives with each other.

Sometimes there’s a graphic picture or two.

You know me  – how I love to flash my boobs. I dare say they’ve gotten more exposure on the thread than Kim Kardashian’s Paper magazine cover.

Okay, maybe not QUITE that much.

The Makeout Thread feels a little like “Sex and the City” meets “WWF.”

It’s raw. Uncensored. Explicit. Rough.


It feeds my inner voyeur while allowing the outer exhibitionist to run free.

It turns me on when my own love life is slow and needs a little inspiration to pick me up.

Because I really need to know about the girl who’s in a Dom/Sub relationship with a man who has two other girlfriends.

Now when would I ever get to experience the excitement of THAT in my life?

And the parade of tits and pussy shots are incredible. I didn’t know you could get tattoos in some of those places, but apparently YOU CAN!

Sometimes I just sit back and think how many men would kill to see the comments and pics I see.

The bottom line is that I AM VERY LUCKY.

Lucky to be in a community of women who share their lives with me.

Lucky to be in a community of women who embrace all forms of desire.

Lucky to be a part of an INCREDIBLE group of women who live EXTRAORDINARY lives.

Lucky. Lucky. LUCKY!

EVERYONE should have a Makeout Thread.


70,000 lucky people get to go to Burning Man every year.

It means different things to different people.

This year, Burning Man for me was all about community and self-care.

And flirting.

But I digress.

I say it was all about community because I spent a lot of time around camp due to the extreme heat.

I didn’t want to fry and dehydrate out in the desert sun.

So I really got to know my camp mates, especially since we had a communal area that was heavily utilized by all.

My burn was also about self-care.

About knowing what was good for me and what was bad and choosing to act in accordance with what was right for me.

I showered when I needed to shower.  I slept when I needed to sleep.  I flirted when I wanted to flirt.  And I hugged other people to excess.

So here are some of my favorite photos from Burning Man which are special to me not because they feature the amazing art of Burning Man, but because they feature some of my favorite people out there on the playa.

À la Whitesnake

Ever since this guy I met on Match put me through a grueling picture-by-picture interrogation, I’ve been rethinking my profile pictures.

It was excruciating to hear, “And HOW old is THIS photo?” over and over again.

Yes, some of my pictures are old but that’s because I want them to show me DOING interesting things – like flying airplanes, hiking the Watchtower trail in the Sequoias, and eating a silkworm grub.

I think they APPROPRIATELY capture my essence – funny, adventurous, creative. . .

I mix them with CURRENT photos.

Photos of me at Burning Man.

Photos of me catching a salmon.

Photos of me in my sister’s hot tub.

Do you want to know what THE MOST POPULATR PHOTO OF ME IS?

It’s this picture of me leaning on my friend Geoff’s Cobra.


It was taken on my 34th birthday (some 9 years ago) and to be honest, the only reason I’m draped across the hood of his car is because I didn’t think he’d be happy if I tried to do the SPLITS on it.

À la Whitesnake.

Sadly, I think it’s time to retire this photo.

Although it feels like I was 34 JUST YESTERDAY, the sad fact of the matter is that it was 9 YEARS AGO.

I don’t want to be accused of misleading anyone.

But FUCK that guy for making me feel deceitful.





Do you know what I find disheartening about internet dating?

Apart from the cum shots, requests for nude photos, and first dates?

The emphasis on looks.

Doesn’t everyone realize we are all in the process of losing our looks and that all we’ll have to keep us company in our twilight years is the personality of someone we fell in love with?

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I look at pictures as much as the next person.

But I also read their profile.

And I shun the illiterate ones and embrace the well spoken ones.

Well, the latest guy I have been messaging is obsessed with how I look.

A young Cybil Shepherd, he says.

Yes, I’ve heard that before and thank you for the compliment.

But the fact is I am a 43 year old woman who is not getting any younger and if he really knew me, then he’d know that how I look is the least of what makes me attractive.

He made me go through each of my 21 profile pictures and tell him how long ago they were taken.

We’ll, 50% of them were takes 3 -5 years ago.

And the other 50% were current.

The whole process was rather appalling.

And I simply can’t handle his gushing.

Oh don’t worry, I’m not going to stand him up.

I’m going to lie and say I’ve met someone else.

It’s a harmless little lie that preserves his ego while simultaneously giving me an excuse to NO GO OUT WITH HIM.

Pretty, my ass.

STFU and pay attention to what matters!

Ringing in the New Year

img_0831This year I decided to celebrate the passing of 2016 and the arrival of 2017 with  my friend Barbara.  I was invited to a black tie affair at a friend’s home nearby and Barbara was my “plus one.”

Barbara hashtagged our Facebook photos with:

  • #whenyourfriendsaremorefunthanadate
  • #someonemistakedusforthedoubleminttwins
  • #hadtotellhimthatwewerentrelated
  • #hedidntbelieveme

Yes indeed, it appears that most people think Barbara and I are somehow related.  I take this as a compliment because I think Barbara is an exquisitely beautiful person, inside and out.

Here are some photos from New Year’s Eve.  As you can see we had a lot of fun with Snapchat and Messenger filters:

img_0829 img_0826
img_0825 img_0824


Photos you should never post to your online dating profile

We’re SUPPOSED to read each profile carefully to determine goodness-of-fit. But let’s face it, the first thing we do is scope out those pics. So here are a few tips to help you get your profile in tip top shape.

1.  No 10 year old photos of yourself. You’re fooling no one.  Also photos with excessive alcohol (see below).

image2.  No bathroom selfie (FYI, I’m covered in a honey treatment for my hair. Very sticky and very gooey.)

image3. No half-naked men shots. Just don’t. No matter how proud you are of your washboard abs.  It’s just bragging.  And intimidating.

image4. No photo of you doing something that doesn’t make sense (like eating a bug).

image5. No group shot. Booooring!

image6.  No pic with your ex cropped out.


7.  No sunglasses!



While on vacation I decided to do something brash. Foolish, some might even say.

I got my nose pierced.

The first question out of everyone’s mouth is the same:

“Did it hurt?”


I actually flinched when I got pierced.

My boys and my sister were there and they saw it. Gavin photographed the piercing and he took some good photos of me freaking out:


IMG_7232 IMG_7231


IMG_7234 IMG_7233

Although it was momentarily painful, I am so pleased with the results.

IMG_7143 IMG_7255(1)

Even my boys who were quite confident that I’m too old to have my nose pierced, were happy with the result, although somewhat reluctantly.

I hear this a lot from my boys, “You’re too old for that.”

Apparently I’m not just too old for nose piercings but also monokinis and Burning Man. If they associate it with their generation, then I’m just too old for it, according to them.

What I hope they learn from me doing all the crazy and wild stuff I do is that age is merely a number and that lifelong learning is the key not just to happiness but also to youthfulness.

I can’t imagine how boring I’d be if I wasn’t doing all the things I do and I’m dumbfounded that my boys would wish for that kind of a mother.

Can’t they see I come alive when I’m trying out something new?


My Aunt Stacey and cousin Jennifer got their noses pierced the same week!  Look how beautiful they are:



Here are some of my favorite foreplay techniques, enacted on me by my various lovers All of them worked spectacularly.

Don’t forget that the largest erogenous zone on a woman is her brain. It’s more accessible than the g-spot and easier to find than the clitoris. Sexual pleasure for women is more than just a chemical response to physical stimulation. Appealing to her mind will excite her and enhance her pleasure.

  1. Ice, ice baby – alternate using the cold ice cube with your warm mouth. Awesome.
  2. Blindfolds – sex can become boring if there’s no psychology behind it. Blindfold her and play games.
  3. Naughty whispers – I love it when a man whispers something naughty in my ear when I’m in a crowd. Instant turn on.
  4. Sexy texting – because it leaves so much to the mind to interpret, a well time sext can really pique her interest.
  5. Sexy pictures – sexy pictures, like sexy texting, can really set the mood. Especially if it’s unanticipated.
  6. Talk to her – share what’s going on with you. Dig deep.
  7. Listen to her – ask her about herself and listen to her answers. Nothing sexier than a man who listens.
  8. Pay attention to the twins – I once had a man devote 30 whole minutes to them. It was heaven.
  9. Undress her – nothing is sexier than being undressed by your lover. I once had a man undress me and kiss my skin as he exposed it. Super sexy.
  10. Take your time – no need to rush. Enjoy the moments. Savor your bodies – the texture, the smell, the taste. Explore s l o w l y .
  11. Use both hands – really feel her body. Get to know it. Use both hands to explore her whole body. So sexy.
  12. Ask her what turns her on – see what she says. Chances are she’ll point you in at least one sexy direction.
  13. Massage her – I still get breathless thinking about the best massage I ever had. Don’t be afraid to make it X-rated.
  14. Make out on the couch, high school style – bring back the raging hormones of yesteryear with an old fashioned makeout sesh.
  15. Make out in the car, high school style – pull it into the garage if you’re self-conscious. Just try it like when we were kids.
  16. Kiss her neck – linger there. Nothing like a good kiss to the neck to make me quiver.
  17. Talk dirty to her – not porn dirty but erotica dirty. Read some good erotica for ideas.
  18. Spontaneous combustion – what happens when you touch her intimately and talk to her intimately when you’re in public and can’t do anything about it. Just let that desire begin its s l o w burn.