PUT ME ON!

So I went and did a thing.

I bought a pair of used electric blue velvet Penny Loves Kenney pumps off of Poshmark for $15.

What a deal, right?

I mean, what is better than recycling a pair of gently used shoes?

The shoes look brand new – no scuffs on the bottom of the pair.

So I patted myself on the back and congratulated myself on a job well done.

Shoes acquired at minimal expense.

Then THIS happened:

That’s right, I found a pair of electric blue shoes blingy enough to match my outfit SO I BOUGHT THEM.

And I have to say, I LOVE THEM!

In all caps, just like that.

I literally can’t wait to go out again.

In fact, I am so excited that the next time I go on a road trip, even though I don’t have a destination in mind or an activity, I may just get dressed up just for the hell of it.

Because my outfits are crying to be worn.

PUT ME ON!

SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.

The one where she buys SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.