The Swede and I


So The Swede is coming to Burning Man.

So far.

That MIGHT change, but for now, it’s still in the stars.

And in order to prep myself to go to the playa, the land of temptation and pleasure, with someone I’m dating, I really want to read more about playa relationships.

Specifically, there was an article that was circulated around in 2015 – my virgin year – which outlined the stresses relationships go through on the playa and how to deal with those stresses, which I am trying to locate.

Without any luck.

That’s right.

I can find a fucking lavender and teal ombre party dress on the internet, but I can’t find this article, which I recall was fairly substantial.

So, considering the knowledge out there that all my burner friends have, what are your top tips on how to manage a relationship at the burn?

I mean obviously there’s “Make sure each of you has alone time.”

And “Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.”

But there’s got to be more to it than alone time and communication.

What do I do if he asks to go to the Orgy Dome?

How do I greet my friends if I can’t kiss them?

How do I politely ask him to get naked with me and go to the Saunadome?

How do I make sure I respect his boundaries during the burn?

And so many more questions!

So help me out and give me your suggestions.

I’d love to hear some ideas on how to manage a relationship on playa by someone who has actually done just that.

Basketball breasts

There was a woman on the playa.

I saw her twice.


Obviously fake.

And to make matters more comical, she was wearing a triangle bikini top.


I have no problem with plastic surgery and breast enhancement.

I myself may partake of the process when the kittens start to sag.

But let me tell you this about THOSE breasts.

They looked PAINFUL.

It was hard to look at them.

Each one was the size of a basketball.

I’m not kidding.

A FUCKING basketball.

Who does this to their body?

She also had lip injections because her lips looked like pregnant slugs crawled up on her face.

I am left with one thought:

She must be in the industry.

Good on her for taking herself on down to Burning Man to showcase her ASTRONOMICAL features.

I know I was entertained!


Burning Man 2017: Getting There

The first thing you need to know about my burn is that it almost didn’t happen.

Tejas’ Motorbeast broke down in Auburn.

Then again just outside of Gerlach.

I got the last seat (right next to the toilet) on a Burner Express bus heading to the playa with an overnight bag, a liter of water, and simply the HOPE that the Motorbeast would make it.

I arrived on the playa to blazing 100+ degree heat in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

No Motorbeast in sight.

It was too hot to do anything so I hunkered down in the shade with my awesome camp mates and begged water off of people.

I also changed into my favorite bodysuit.

It was the only other piece of clothing in my overnight bag and was much cooler than what I was wearing.

I totally rocked the scrunch butt even though it gave me a permanent wedgie.

The Motorbeast arrived with much fanfare at 6:00 pm.

Tejas spent almost 6 hours in the Gate line.

This burn is a true testament to the tenacity of that man, and I am forever grateful he took on the responsibility of carting our gear and our home out to the playa.

I heart that man.

He pushed for repairs and got the Motorbeast back on the road and to the playa.

We are HOME!



Burning Man 2016 Flashback: You’re not Supposed to Pee on the Playa

img_0247So there I am.

On the playa.

At night after the man burn.

And as I’m riding on this art car called “The Party Snail” I start to see these dark spots on the playa (click image for enlarged view).

All over.

Weird little spots on the playa that weren’t there earlier.

Sometimes they’d appear in clusters.

And as shapes take form in our headlights, I spot a girl squatting on the playa, peeing.


You’re not SUPPOSED to pee on the playa.

You’re supposed to use one of the port-o-potties that are located around the playa.

But apparently there are either not enough of them or they are not conveniently located BECAUSE. . .


I know what it’s like when you’ve got to go.


So I understand why these burners took a naturist view of piddling.

But still.



Burning Man 2016 Flashback: The Magic of the Playa

Last year, magic happened for me when I stumbled across some chapstick-needy burners out in deep playa when I had a bag full of chapstick.

This year, magic happened when I got in line to get ice at Arctica.

The line was an hour long.

In the hot sun.

In the blazing heat.

With no shade.

I was weary, but committed to getting my ice.  For drinks, natch.

Can’t be serving room temperature drinks to my friends on the playa!

A burner with a HUGE military style backpack approached me.

“How many bags do you need?” he asked.

“Two,” I replied.

He opened up his pack and handed me two bags of ice.

I tried to hand him my $6 to pay for the ice.

“No payment. Just a hug,” he grinned. “This is my gift to the playa.”

So I hugged him and rode back to my camp with the ice.

So noted, Playa Angel, so noted!

Cuddle Puddle

I signed myself up to join a cuddle puddle then chickened out.

Basically, I didn’t want to snuggle with strangers.

I was afraid of bad breath, long toenails, and thrusting pelvises.

I have no idea if any of that would have materialized but for the first time in my life, I withdrew myself from an adventure and let it pass me by.

It’s not that I’m against cuddle puddles.

Actually, I LIKE the idea of them when I imagine I’m with a close group of friends who I know and find appealing.

I have a fantasy cuddle puddle – a group of men and women who I’d like to snuggle with.

In my mind, they’ve taken E and I’m just floating around in a sea of warm bodies, enjoying the sensations in my own body.

The thing about this fantasy is. . .

. . .it just MAY come true.

You never know what’s going to happen on the playa.

I could wind up snuggling with some truly delicious people.

Unfortunately, The Swede won’t be there.

He, of all people, should be in my cuddle puddle on account of my body is magnetized to his.

But I know of some other people who I think would make stellar snuggle buddies.

And (fingers crossed) I hope I get my wish.

Burning Man Essentials: Food and Water

Here is an idea of some of the food and supplies you may want to bring with you to Burning Man. Some require a cooler, others require no refrigeration. How simple or how complex your food is is totally up to you. I tend to eat good food on the playa just because I don’t have much of an appetite so eating something really delicious motivates me to keep eating and not skip meals, which is so crucial when consuming a steady stream of alcohol. Not that I do that (wink).

Another list I want to share is Dazzle’s 2012 Packing List (LINK) which is categorized so you can read about whatever topics interest you – kitchen supplies, food, ice, etc.

Bacon.  Best thing on the playa.  Burners love our bacon! To keep your electrolytes balanced.  Just add water.
For those of you choosing a simple meal plan. Delicious and nutritious on the playa.
Almond butter.  Mmmmmm! Trail mix.  Delicious AND portable.
Beef jerky.  Gotta keep a steady influx of salt in your diet. Pickles AND pickle juice!  Yum!
Hard boiled eggs. Very portable and no MOOP because it’s already peeled. Salty nuts.  Delish!
Chili.  Another easy food choice.  Eat straight from the can. Dual hydration chamber.  One for water, one for electrolytes.
Aquatainer for water.  This one is the collapsible kind. Coconut water.  Full of electrolytes and delicious!
Dried apricots.  Yummy! Instant coffee.  You WILL need this.
Mountain House instant meals.  So easy!  And packed full of the salt your body needs. Kind bars.  Portable and tasty!
My stove.  Collapsible and durable.  Has survived several trips to the playa. Single burner stove.  For when you don’t plan to cook much.

Contains affiliate links.




Burning Man Essentials: Hygiene


Chapstick with SPF – to protect your lips. Baby wipes, a must have. Coconut oil for everything.
Sunblock or die! First aid kit. Just in case. Pee standing up in the nasty portos.
Only 1-ply TP in the portos. Vinegar to counteract the alkalinity of the playa. In case you get burned. . .
Hand sanitizer when washing is a challenge. Blackout mask.  Ahh, blessed sleep! Earplugs.  A must, especially near sound camps.
Hangover Guardian, just in case. To relive dry eyes. To get out playa boogers.  Gross but true.
You’re gonna want a shower or two. Tissues for playa nose. Condoms for play.
Lube.  Also for play. Antiperspirant.  No one likes a stinker. Also for hangovers.  Just in case.
Maassage oil, if you get lucky! Spray bottles, for vinegar, water, etc. Essential oils for well being.
Microfiber towel. Atomizers for essential oils + vodka. Body lotion to treat dry skin.

Contains affiliate links.







Burning Man: Pre Burn Goosepimples

The excitement of attending another Burning Man has got me all in a frenzy.

Last year, right about this time, I was stressing feeling like everything was falling apart.

And indeed, that feeling was an omen of things to come.

But this year I am going with my good friend Tejas and staying in his RV “The Motorbeast.”

More so than last year, my Facebook stream is FILLED with Burning Man prep and it’s only serving to excite me more and send me into a thrilling spin of ecstasy.

I saw a picture of 75 pounds of humane, responsibly sourced BACON!

75 pounds!

It’s incredible!

I’ll tell you this, I’m definitely having more fun the second time around.

Would I like to trick or treat on the playa in a Halloween costume?

Why yes, I think I would.

And let’s not forget the THRILLING images the early arrivers are posting as they set off for Reno then the Black Rock Desert.

I can’t get enough of their trailers hauling bin after bin of dusty equipment and gear.

The strangest things TURN ME ON these days and a pile of dust with a side of rebar will do it for me.

But what really gets me going these days is LED and faux fur anything.

Faux fur thong?

Don’t mind if I do.

LED vest?

Sign me up!

But nothing, AND I MEAN NOTHING, compares to the thrill I feel when I see arial photos of what the playa looks like as Burning Man: Da Vinci’s Workshop starts to take form in the Black Rock Desert.



Plus on the playa

So I’m having a little trouble finding an accurate representation of me on the playa at Burning Man.

All the pictures I see are of petite women wearing nearly nothing. Very beautiful ladies, indeed.

But where are the goddesses? Where are the Amazons? Where are my curvy ladies?

I’m guessing that with 60,000 people descending on the playa, there’s got to be some body diversity among the women. But you wouldn’t know it to look at the pictures.

It’s a little troublesome as I try to organize my wardrobe for the event. I have no one to model my outfits after.

Can I wear a bikini on the playa? Will I be the only curvy lady wearing one? Will there be body hate on the playa like there is in real life?

Am I obsessing over this a little too much?


I know what you’re all thinking…. Just wear what I want to wear.

And in theory I agree with you.

But I’d feel soooo much better if I could just take a peek as the diversity of styles on the playa, including women with ample boobs and butts.

Just saying.

There’s not much representation of Plus on the Playa.