Pole Dancing

The irony about going to see the movie Hustlers, which has a rather INFAMOUS scene of Jennifer Lopez pole dancing in a white string bodysuit, is that I too have taken pole dancing lessons.

I took them at an actual pole dancing studio by my house and enjoyed them enough that I came back and took a lap dancing class.

Mind you, I have no one to pole dance for or to give a lap dance too, but when I do you can rest assured, I am prepared.

So back to Hustlers. . . Jennifer Lopez looks absolutely incredible throughout the entire movie.

The pole dancing was hyped to be extraordinary (and it was) but it was limited to one scene.

Which I found rather disappointing.

If you’re expecting a repeat performance of Demi Moore in Striptease, you’re bound to be disappointed.

What I can say about pole dancing is this.

It’s athletic and artistic and sexy ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

I’m not very good at it.

Honestly, it’s hard to get myself twelve inches off the floor on a pole, but I keep trying to improve.

Of course, it’s challenging when you don’t have your own pole to practice on.

Lap dancing is MUCH easier.

You can do it anywhere.

I still remember some of the rules:

  1. Move  s l o w l y
  2. Touch yourself
  3. Make eye contact
  4. Smear yourself across your partner

There is more good news as well.

I can now attend a pole dancing expo in my local studio, open to women only.

I’m guessing I’ll sign up and go.

Nothing like spending $20 to watch beautiful women show off incredible dance moves on and off the pole.

Count me in!

Oi! My knees!

bettie-pageI went back to my local pole dancing studio to see their exposition.

Every 4-6 months the dancers get together and put on a show for a group of women who have gathered to watch them perform.

It’s truly amazing to see.

No men are allowed in, so the dancers are performing for themselves.

The energy in the room is incredible – sexy and supportive without being competitive or catty.

I have a favorite dancer – a Bettie Page look alike named “Leticia” – who has a bod to give men heart palpitations and legs for days.

The last time I saw her perform she did a routine to Portishead’s “Glory Box” that was extraordinary.

She always puts together something dark and sultry. She makes your heart stop for a second and die a little when she dances.

She’s magnificent.

This time around I took two friends with me to watch the performances.

And we all had a good time.

Although one of my guests did remark that for a studio that is supposed to be all-inclusive, there sure wasn’t much body diversity among the performers – all tiny women in sky high stilettos with flat stomachs and round derrieres.

As I watched Leticia slide across the floor in a mermaid tail, so beautiful and graceful, her long black hair trailing on the ground behind her, I was left with one thought:

Oi! My knees!

Yes folks, it may come as no surprise that the days of me having the option to become a pole dancer are OVER.

No pole dancing for this beauty.

A whole day of drinking and pole dancing

Bettie_Page-2So it started out with brunch with Barbara.

I had a Bloody Mary with my Scotch eggs while we discussed my love life and Barbara’s new business (Young Living, if any of you are interested in how essential oils can improve your life).

Then I ran off to my local pole dancing studio to watch their pole dancing exposition – approximately 20 some women doing burlesque, pole, sexy pole, hip hop, and ballet dance.

That’s where I had a few glasses of wine… to you know, get me in the mood to watch sexy women perform the most AMAZING dances with grace and athleticism.

Miss F is my favorite. A Bettie Page look alike with legs for days and a bod to give men heat palpitations, she can make everything look sexy – and she did to a gorgeous rendition of Portishead’s “Glory Box.”

I think the trick to pole dancing is to move slow and deliberately. Touch yourself. Make eye contact. And always always always work your booty.

The performance was an all female performance with an all female audience so the women were free to cut loose and really show their talents.

I think the safe environment really brings out the beast.

All manner of lingerie was on parade from hot pants and tutus to tassels and straps.

Loved every second of it!

Then my day concluded with a birthday party for my brother and I in downtown San Jose.

More wine.

All in all, it was a fabulous lazy Sunday and I couldn’t have crafted it better myself.

Incidentally, if any of you want to read about when I took a pole dancing class, the link is here.

Pole dancing, again!

Yes, I went to another pole dancing expo.

I’m a little bit addicted.

Also, I have a “girl crush” on one of the dancers – a sexy, raven haired beauty.  She’s breathtaking.  And quite a powerful dancer.  She definitely commands my attention.

I had a great time watching all the women dance.

Nothing quite like a lithe body swinging around a pole and working a sexy routine on the floor to get me excited.  Not to mention the aerial acrobatics on the pole which are simply amazing!

I tried to take Matt with me to the performance but apparently men are not allowed.

How he would have loved to watch.

The fashion for pole dancers is to wear hot pants with wrapped leggings.  Like this:

The women looked very erotic and exotic in their leg wrappings and hot pants.  I found myself wanting to buy some just for me to enjoy wearing.

For the performances, one woman stripped down to her pasties while another one gave a lap dance to make you stand up and pay attention.  Another woman performed her routine with a ballet-spin to it, even getting aerial in some amazing poses.

All in all, they were such beautiful women and powerful dancers, they took my breath away.

Since I’m becoming addicted to pole dancing this can only mean one thing…

…pole dancing lessons for me!

Mind. Blown.

Saturday, my adventure to kayak the Elkhorn Slough was cancelled due to rain.

I missed OM Day in the City for nothing.

Sad face.

But I did have another date with Charles… Charles from “After the beer making there was the ____ making” and “The one where I lounge with great music and great friends…”  I was wearing a long, fitted black dress with a black leather jacket, sky high platform heels and black fishnet stockings (thigh high, natch).

We met at his place for a preliminary romp 🙂

What? Sometimes a girl is insatiable.

Then we met up with our friend Jack at McGraws Bar in Belmont. The food was spectacular, the beer was great, and the company was amazing.

We left before the end of the Giants game to get to Steel Heart Dance – a pole dancing company in South San Francisco. The Cirque Noir was putting on their annual extravaganza.

And boy was it extravagant!!

The women blew me away with their confidence, sexiness, and athleticism. The performances were incredible sensual and provocative.

I especially thrilled when the dancers climbed to the top of the poles and did their routines hanging upside down or leaning away from the pole.


But my absolute FAVORITE performance involved two women – ostensibly dressed as an angel and a devil – doing ballet like moves while hanging from a ring suspended from their ceiling.

Yeah, two girls in one ring!

Mind. Blown.

After the performance concluded, we socialized a bit. Ironically, we ran into a group of One Tasters at the performance, and I think it piqued Charles interest in OMing.

Then we left and went back to Charles’ place for round two of post-pole dancing fun.

Mind. Blown.


Something was in my pants

imageSomething was in my pants.

And not in a good way.

I put on a pair of tight lycra yoga pants this morning. And I took a pole dancing class.  Then I took a bikram yoga class.

And I kept feeling this tickle on my right hip.

Thinking it was just a bit of string, I ignored it all day long.

Even through my sweaty bikram yoga class.

Then finally, when I felt the tickle again after yoga class, I dropped my pants and out popped this:image


But honestly, I didn’t freak out too much. I was just relieved it wasn’t a spider!

What I learned from pole dancing

Today I took my first Introduction to Pole Dancing class at Sedusa Studios.  It was, in a word, AMAZING!

I arrived 30 minutes early.  The instructor/owner was there to greet me.  Petite, beautiful, with a taut body, I immediately felt like a Sasquatch next to her.

“What size shoe do you wear?” she asked.

Dare I admit to this tiny little thing that I have great big gargantuan feet?  Yes.

“Size 10,” I told her.

She handed me a pair of black leather platform shoes with lucite heels.  My shoes for my upcoming workout.  How many exercise classes make you wear platform heels?  Awesome!  This is my kind of class!

photo 1When class started, we began on the floor, with a floor routine which was deceptively simple and sexy.  It reminded me of naughty yoga.  If I looked half as good as the instructor, I figured I was in good shape.  We crawled across the floor.  We spread our legs, we rolled around, we laid dawn and arched our backs.  We did it all.

Then we moved to our poles.  It was amazing how simple moves were transformed into really sexy moves by our instructor.  She kept telling us to “go slower.”

When it came time to swing around our poles, I was challenged.  It’s not easy being 6+ feet tall and swinging around a pole.  Even the instructor said I was at a disadvantage.  My left leg wrapped around the pole just fine, but my right leg didn’t want to lift off the ground.  The instructor came over.

“Don’t worry.  Men remember the first thing you do and the last thing you do.  And if you give them great eye contact.”

I didn’t bother to tell her that I have no man and no one to give eye contact to, let alone dance for.

I was determined to get it.  I tried one last time and VOILA… I figured it out.

“Great!” the instructor cheered, “That was the best booty snap I’ve seen in the class today.”

“Well that’s because I’ve got SOME BOOTY,” I laughed.

At the end of the class, you put everything you’ve learned into a routine set to some sexy music.  Our class strutted around our poles.  We spun around our poles.  We did the booty snap.  We slid down to the ground.  We did our floor routine – bend, spread, arch.  Then we crawled toward our imaginary audience like a slinky kitty looking for milk.


I totally want to take more classes.  It was a great workout (for being in heels) and I really felt like I got in touch with my feminine, sultry seductress side.

photo 2 photo 3
photo 4 image

What did I learn from my class?

  1. Pole dancing is not easy or intuitive.
  2. Being sexy is about being confident in your skin.  Not about looking a certain way or being a certain size.
  3. Dancing in platform heels is very complicated, especially when you’re trying to look sexy.
  4. Sticking to the pole is a good thing – show some skin.
  5. Don’t be afraid to touch yourself slowly.  It’s all about showing your audience what they want but can’t have.
  6. Even pregnant women can pole dance (totally).
  7. Slow it down.  The slower, the better.
  8. It’s all about the booty. Make sure you work your booty hard.
  9. A pole dancing instructor can make anything look sexy.
  10. Always try new things, you never know what you can learn from them.

The one where she decides to POLE DANCE

imageCan you believe it?!

I’ve signed up for an introductory pole dancing class in early March at Sedusa Studios in Campbell, CA.

Yes it’s true, the skills I learn will be wasted.

Yes it’s true, I have no one to seduce.

Yes it’s true, my dancing skills are in question.

Nevertheless, pole dancing seems like an interesting skill to build. And one which, I am sure, will eventually be put to good use….

…dancing with telephone poles (ouch, splinters!)

…polishing street lamps

Truthfully, I have every intention of taking Sedusa’s LAP DANCING class but I found a groupon for pole dancing for $10 and went with that first.

Wish me luck!