Pub Crawl

Valentine’s Day is coming.

And already I know what I’m doing.

I’m getting dressed up in a onesie, heading out to downtown for an un-valentiney Valentine’s Day pub crawl.

Now, we all know I’m game for anything that starts with beer and ends with more beer.

But this is more than just a progressive.

This is a powerful statement about the pressures put on people to see life in terms duality instead of complexity – from genders to relationships.

Yup, that’s a nod to my trans and poly friends.

Good things come in more than just two.

I’m going to get dressed in my onesie and join my fellow single and coupled up friends in celebrating a day for love, be it romantic or based on friendship, in a very non-traditional way.

Nadine will be joining me, so I have that to look forward to.

Sometimes I feel like the measure of my happiness is NOT the health of my romantic relationship/s but instead in the strength of my female friendships.

I’ll be celebrating that for Valentine’s Day, instead of feeling bad for myself or lonely.

 

 

Giving up vanilla

Vanilla guys just aren’t working out for me.

I’ve tried SO MANY TIMES to find someone who fits using Match and POF but NO LUCK.

Granted, I have an UNUSUAL lifestyle.

I go to Burning Man.

I hug and kiss all my friends.

I even get naked with them (HELLO BARE BURN).

It’s not easy to find someone who can accept these quirks.

You kind of need to be a little bit of a freak yourself to fit in with me.

Mainstream just doesn’t cut it.

Neither does religious.

And don’t get me started on CONSERVATIVES.

I am a liberal, agnostic burner with poly tendencies.

And so I am wondering if perhaps I’m fishing in the wrong pond when I use Match and POF.

Are there others, you wonder?

Why yes, there are.

I could try Lifestyle Lounge, SLS, or Kasidie.

I’ve always thought the idea of getting online just to hookup is sort of useless.

Because I really want to meet someone and fall in love.

But the more I date, the more I realize that I’ve been ruined for vanilla men.

And I’m a bit of a poly kinkster, a BIG FLIRT and a VERY OPEN-MINDED WOMAN.

Poly or no?

I have a friend.

We’ll call him ‘Sam.’

Sam wants me to set him up with all the single women I know.

The thing is, Sam is poly.

At least Sam claims he’s poly.

[I personally think he’s flexible, for the right woman.]

All the women I know are monogamous.

Definitely NOT poly.

Anyway, Sam is upset that I offered to set up my friend Rob with two of my single girlfriends.

Beyond the fact that Sam is 10+ years older than Rob and simply less appropriate for the 30 – 40 year old women I know, Sam is POLY.

He likes to point out that I don’t believe he’s poly.

I like to point out that it doesn’t matter what I BELIEVE, it matters what HE BELIEVES.

So no, I’m not going to set up a monogamous woman with a poly man.

And, just so you know, I think it’s a wee bit deceptive that Sam’s online dating profiles don’t specify that he’s poly.

Now.

I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT THIS, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that his lack of success in the dating pool could have something to do with the fact that he’s fishing in the wrong fucking pool with the wrong fucking bait.

Just saying.

Otherwise people get hurt

michelle1As part of growing up and maturing, I’ve learned more about relationships than I used to know in the past.

For instance, I now know that not every relationship is monogamous.

Some are polyamorous.

And that’s okay.

Relationships aren’t a “one-size-fits-all” scenario.

I have several friends who are poly and it really works for them.

On account of the fact that I’m a jealous little possessive thing, I am not poly, nor am I looking for a poly relationship.

But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been involved as a secondary with several poly men.

One relationship is working fine. We see each other from time to time and always enjoy each others company.

I like him a great deal and am comfortable with his other relationships.

The other relationship crashed and burned for many reasons not the least of which being that I was a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” hidden girlfriend who was treated more like a booty call than a real girlfriend.

Now, having observed poly relationships for a certain amount of time, I have to say this:

The only way poly works is when EVERYBODY is on the same page. When there are no hidden details and everyone knows what’s going on.

If you’re poly and your partner is not, then you’ve got things to discuss BEFORE YOU CAN SAY YOU’RE IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.

Otherwise people get hurt.

Irish Boy Toy

Irish Boy-Toy is back and is raring to go.

I have to admit, I forgot his name until just now.

He texted me out of the blue yesterday, six months after we went out.

I wrote about our date here.

He texted me:  Hi sexy how are you??

I wrote back:  Who is this?

He said:  Guess 🙂 🙂

I checked out the foreign country code and figured it must be my Irish Boy-Toy.

Me:  You’re the guy from Ireland

Him:  Correct.  I’m in by bed right now and very horny…

Of course.  Now we get down to the reason for the phone call.  He wants to sext.

But seeing as how I was off to the dentist’s, sexting would have to wait.  I sent a quick inspirational image for him to enjoy and sat back to get my teeth cleaned all the while thinking of this sexy young man in his hotel room, thinking of me.

Don’t know if I’ll hear from him again for another 6 months, but it was a fun exchange, if brief.

Bow chicka wow wow!

Sorta makes me think of Mystery Man and camming and how much I miss him.

I told Tejas about my run in with Irish Boy-Toy.

His response?

Tell him to get in line!

It prompted an interesting discussion on Friends with benefits, poly, falling in love, and letting friendships develop into something more.

He thinks I should see if my friendship (with him) could develop into something more.

And I believe I agreed to keep my mind open.

Wide open…