That won’t fit!

luggageThere comes a time in every woman’s life when she has to look closely, inspect dimensions, and declare “There’s NO WAY that will fit!”

Which is exactly what I did when I stared at the pile of clothes and presents I want to bring to Sweden with me next to the suitcase it all has to fit into.

Quite frankly, I’m more than skeptical that it will all fit.

I’m in disbelief.

It’s just not going to happen folks.

And of course, as is my way, instead of getting rid of the wine or the presents or the makeup, I’m eliminating my clothes.

Who needs clothes anyway?

All I need is a fresh pair of underwear and I’m good to go.

One dress, one sweater, one jacket, warm leggings and VOILÁ!

You have yourself packed for Sweden.

I’d like to say that this time around I’m flying by the seat of my pants, but no.

I’m packed a week ahead of time and I have an inventory.

Because I’m neurotic that way.

The good news is that when I come back, I will be 5 bottles of wine and 2 bottles of champagne lighter than when I left.’

I fully intend to drink and gift the wine to The Swede and his friends and family.

Just in case I meet any of them, I’m prepared.

California wine FOR YOU!

AND FOR YOU!

AND CALIFORNIA SPARKLING WINE FOR YOU!

Happy faces, all around!

I’M GOING TO SWEDEN!

Apparently, when visiting Sweden from a non-EU country, you are allowed to bring in 4L of wine, 2L of champagne, and a bunch of beer.

So I’m bringing in red wine and champagne from California.

I’m bringing two bottles of Chandon Blanc de Noirs, my favorite domestic sparkling wine and 5 bottles of J. Lohr Pinot Noir and Cabernet Sauvignon.

J. Lohr is the family winery, so it’s a given that I’ll be bringing that label to Sweden with me.

I’ve also decided to get a Christmas present for The Swede’s teenage daughter.

It would certainly be awkward to hand out my presents to The Swede and have nothing for his daughter.

So I got her a California sweatshirt and a Stanford beanie.

Because both those places are near and dear to my heart and I want to share.

I’ve started collecting other miscellaneous items for my trip: things like luggage, longjohns, scarfs and sunglasses.

I am basically going to be a walking, talking, brand new woman in Sweden with all new clothes and accessories.

I even purchased brand spanking new panties.

Just because I love the look of a fresh pair.

The trick, of course, is going to be getting it all to fit in my luggage.

I’m relatively limited in what I can bring over, size wise and weight wise.

So I have to be as streamlined as possible.

Lord knows I’m not the greatest at packing light.

For my first Burning Man, I packed 16 bins of costumes, supplies, and food!

So needless to say, this will be a challenge.

But hey. . .

I’M GOING TO SWEDEN!

Don’t Hate

I know it’s crazy to say this so early in the season.

It’s not even Thanksgiving yet.

But I’ve managed to complete all my Christmas shopping ALREADY.

Can I tell you how satisfied it makes me feel to have all my shopping done?

REALLY SATISFIED.

Like in ways that make me happy ALL THE WAY DOWN TO MY BONES.

I’m insane like this.

The instant my birthday passes, I’m buying up gifts and presents for my loved ones.

I LOVE GIFTING!

It’s my favorite part of the whole holiday (besides the Christmas music).

There is nothing better than seeing the look on my sons’ faces when they open a gift and get all excited.

I know it’s obnoxious of me to be this thrilled with the holidays, but I can’t help myself.

It’s like I’m high and won’t come down until after New Year’s.

Did I mention I also get two weeks off at work for the holidays?

Yup.

Two whole weeks of freedom, sleeping in, and socializing!

If I’ve annoyed you with this post, don’t worry. I do have a confession to make:

Although I’ve bought my Christmas and Hanukkah cards, I don’t have them ready to mail yet.

Gasp!

I know. But nothing says “I’m insane” like sending out your holiday cards BEFORE Thanksgiving, right?

If I could get away with it, you can be sure I would do it.

So have a lovely holiday season.

I hope you’re enjoying it at least half as much as I am!

The post which could make me look like a dork

20140130-204156.jpgWell, I’m so glad I got that rant out of my system.  In case you haven’t been reading comments, my friend Ivan is a brilliant psychotherapist and makes some great comments about dating here and here.  He also runs a design blog called “Interior Voyeur” which I love.

I talked to Edward last night and it was an enlightening talk.  He agreed to not talk about his paramour unless I ask and I agreed to not send naked pictures of myself to him.  Just semi-naked.  I’m kidding, of course.  But I could be lying about that.

Edward told me he sent me something for Valentine’s Day.  Nothing big, something small and edible.  I personally think he’s serving me CROW PIE.  Wouldn’t that be irony for you?

Capture2So, you know me, I’m not to be outdone and I decide to send Edward a Valentine’s gift too.  Something he and his girls will enjoy.  A Love Bug cookie bouquet.  Because nothing says “I’ll-be-at-home-for-Valentine’s-Day-while-you-are-getting-laid-by-your-lady-love” like a bouquet of diabetes.

And, since Edward’s birthday is on February 13th, I decided to send him some books on adventure and sailing from Amazon (below).

We may be JUST FRIENDS, but I’m a generous friend.  And, that’s true.  I am a great friend and a generous pal.  My friend Michelle will testify to this.  So giving a little when I’m not expecting anything in return is just my way of saying, “Bet you didn’t see this coming.”

That said, I need to develop some hobbies.  Something to do besides trying to date.  Suggestions are welcome….

sail Fifty Places to Sail Before You Die: Sailing Experts Share the World’s Greatest Destinations
50 places The Lost Photographs of Captain Scott: Unseen Images from the Legendary Antarctic Expedition
unnamed South with Endurance: Shackleton’s Antarctic Expedition 1914-1917