Happy VD!

I had a WONDERFUL Valentine’s Day!

First of all I drove my mom to the airport so I had an early start to my Friday which meant when my office closed early for the holiday weekend, I got to start my weekend EVEN EARLIER!

Woot!

Many people sent me text messages wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day.

I mean, how can you be SOUR when your friends and family pepper you with love?!

Then I took an uber to Campbell and I had a lovely dinner with Nadine before we commenced drinking and socializing with our friends for the Onesie Pub Crawl.

We hopped around from bar to bar and at each location, I drank a gin and tonic or two.

Round about 11 pm everyone headed to my least favorite spot In downtown Campbell so I called it a night and proceeded to head home.

Where I spent the next fee hours swiping right and left on Tinder.

Ah ha ha!

All in all, it truly was a lovely day and an even better evening.

I really had a blast watching people’s faces LIGHT UP when they spotted us in our crowd of onesies.

But the BEST part of the evening had to be when a firetruck filled with handsome firemen drove by me on the street and I caught the fireman on the rig smiling reflexively when they saw us.

Happy Valentine’s Day indeed!

Pub Crawl

Valentine’s Day is coming.

And already I know what I’m doing.

I’m getting dressed up in a onesie, heading out to downtown for an un-valentiney Valentine’s Day pub crawl.

Now, we all know I’m game for anything that starts with beer and ends with more beer.

But this is more than just a progressive.

This is a powerful statement about the pressures put on people to see life in terms duality instead of complexity – from genders to relationships.

Yup, that’s a nod to my trans and poly friends.

Good things come in more than just two.

I’m going to get dressed in my onesie and join my fellow single and coupled up friends in celebrating a day for love, be it romantic or based on friendship, in a very non-traditional way.

Nadine will be joining me, so I have that to look forward to.

Sometimes I feel like the measure of my happiness is NOT the health of my romantic relationship/s but instead in the strength of my female friendships.

I’ll be celebrating that for Valentine’s Day, instead of feeling bad for myself or lonely.

 

 

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream

It’s that time a year AGAIN!

Not only is it my FAVORITE holiday (Christmas), it’s also time for all the Santa Cons to commence.

So get your red Santa suits ready to party because it’s the season for a festive bar crawl!

I personally love going to Santa Cons.

Not just because I love dressing up.

Or because I get to meet cool new people.

No, I like Santa Con because it’s fun to see all the looks on people’s faces when we show up en masse with all our holiday costumes on!

Little kids love seeing us as we dash from bar to bar.

The awe struck looks on their faces says it all.

And because I do it every year, Santa Cons have just become a hallmark of the holiday season for me.

Like breathing in and breathing out.

This year, I’m supposed to go to two Santa Cons – Santa Cruz and San Jose.

Last year I was a reindeer.

The year before that I was The Grinch.

And the year before that I was Mrs. Claus.

Heaven knows what I’ll pull together this year.

But given my collection of costumes, I’VE DEFINITELY GOT OPTIONS.

So if you feel like going merrily along your way, look up Santa Cons in your neighborhood and join in one.

I guarantee you’ll be in the holiday spirit in no time!

My Very First Santa Con

The most notable part about my weekend this past weekend is that I got smashed.

Trashed.

Blottoed.

Is that even a word?

I didn’t intend to and I blame the fact that I switched from drinking beer to drinking gin about halfway through the night.

But let’s start at the beginning.

I decided to attend my first Santa Con – a party where a group of people get dressed like Santa in festive holiday attire and go en mass from one pub to the next bringing holiday spirit and cheer while consuming alcoholic beverages.  I put together an appropriate outfit – black boots, fishnet tights, white tutu, red velvet corset with white maribou feather trim, and of course a Santa hat.

IMG_8478Our path was all laid out – first we went to Aloft Bar, then Whole Foods (who were INCREDIBLY HOSPITABLE), followed by The Monte Vista Inn, and finally landing at The Blue Pheasant.

Everyone was dressed up in various Santa garb. My favorite was a duo – a flattened grandma and the reindeer who ran her over. Perfect! Love everyone’s creativity!

I got run over by the reindeer myself… note the hoof print on my chest!

IMG_8484At Paul & Eddie’s, I switched from drinking beer to drinking 4 olive gin martinis.

And that’s what did me in.

By the time we got to The Blue Pheasant, I was incapable of using my phone to arrange for a Lyft so I had to get a ride home from a nice gentleman who was kind enough to offer me a ride.

And then I was too drunk to give him directions.

He had to use an app to get me home.

Sigh.

I’m really embarrassed to say that I actually remember farting in his car on the ride home.

HUMILIATION!!!

Jesus, was I DRUNK!

So lesson learned: Santa Con is a marathon, not a sprint.

Drink accordingly!

Homage to nudity

It’s a ONESIE WEEKEND for me.

First of all, Friday is a pub crawl/art exploration in downtown San Jose.

The theme is Smokey the Bear because it’s, you know, April 20th.

As in 4/20?

You get it.

So I’m wearing my bear onesie (which I ironically wore to the Onesie party LAST Friday).

Isn’t it the cutest?

We meet up at Ursa Mater – the 2017 Burning Man sculpture made out of cement and pennies.

Then Saturday is a housewarming/birthday party, also in San Jose.

It’s my “clothing optional” party.

The theme is MAGICAL CREATURES, which I LOVE!

Nothing like dressing up as a mythical creature to spice up the evening.

I fully intend to wear my unicorn onesie to the party.

Despite being very warm, they are quite comfortable and fun to socialize in.

I’m not going to get naked at the party (except in the hot tub) but I intend to pay homage to nudity everywhere by GOING NAKED UNDER ALL MY CLOTHES.

There you go.

Two hams in a sausage casing

Well, I tried.

I got invited to a Valentine’s Pub Crawl (well TWO, actually) and I wanted to wear something saucy.

So I went online and ordered something I don’t have in my closet already (if you can believe that).

I ordered a pink latex dress.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m losing weight, but I suddenly find myself flush with body confidence.

And I wanted to put that body confidence in a latex dress.

I also got a faux fur jacket to match.

And voilà!

Some sort of fun and outstanding outfit for the crawl.

Yes, I was running the risk of putting on the dress only to discover I looked like two hams stuffed in a sausage casing, but hey!

Life is risk, no?

Sadly, hams or no hams, I wasn’t even able to try on the dress because the store I bought it from cancelled my order.

Needless to say I was irritated.

When I put effort into planning an outfit and there is a catastrophic failure of the outfit, I get a little miffed.

But you heard it here first –

Someday, regardless of this botched attempt, I’m going to wear latex!

Woot!

The wonderful world of onesies

I’ve been invited to TWO Valentine’s Day Pub Crawls.

The first is on the Friday BEFORE Valentine’s Day.

The second is on Valentine’s Day itself.

For both crawls, I will be wearing a onesie.

You know, one of those full body pajamas you see on babies?

EXACTLY!

Now, you might ask why I chose to wear onesies, and it’s a simple answer:

Because one of the crawls is a ONESIE Pub Crawl.

So I’m wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie because I like rainbows and unicorns.

The other pub crawl is a VALENTINE themed pub crawl.

And since my latex dress outfit fell through, I decided to just pick up a Valentine onesie and wear that.

It’s simple and doesn’t require lots of accessorizing.

Between you and I, I happen to have FIVE onesies – the unicorn, the Valentine, a zebra, the Grinch, and Chewbacca.

It’s impossible to have JUST ONE ONESIE.

Thanksgiving Pub Crawl

Any excuse for a pub crawl is good enough reason to pub crawl, right?

Well, as it turns out there are numerous Santa Cons coming up and I’m fully prepared with a buttload of Santa costumes I can wear – everything from a bare assed elf to Mrs. Claus.

What you don’t know is there there is a little known but equally awesome pub crawl called The Pilgrim’s Progressive.

Basically you dress up like a pilgrim, turkey, or other Thanksgiving themed costume and you crawl through the pubs of downtown Mountain View.

Yesterday, I pulled out all my Santa Con costumes.

Now I’ve got to pull out my pilgrim costume from last year (which I never got to wear, boo!).

Because this year I AM GOING TO BE A PILGRIM crawling down Castro Street in downtown Mountain View, imbibing questionable quantities of liquid courage as I go.

Check me out. . .

Here’s my inspiration for my costume.

And here’s what I’ve assembled for my costume:

Is  it not THE BOMB as far as pilgrim costumes go?  I’d like to thank etsy for the awesome cape and bonnet (which I did not want to sew myself).

Watch out Mountain View, the pilgrims are coming!

Save

Cupid’s Crawl: Posing with the bartender

To tell you the truth, I was more than a little surprised.

I went up to the bar like normal and ordered two beers – one for my friend and one for me – when the bartender asked me to come behind the bar.

He wanted to take a picture of me in costume.

I slid through the crowd and behind the bar.

The bartender handed his phone to a patron, laid his head on my…. ahem… breasts, and proceeded to wait for the picture to be taken.

Here’s a photo of us getting our photo taken.  Thank you Brad for the picture!

IMG_8839

Here are my other pictures from the night.

Enjoy!

IMG_8790 IMG_8784
IMG_8787 IMG_8788

 

Cupid’s Crawl: Giving my heart(s) away

In retrospect, bringing glowing hearts necklaces and blinky heart pins to Cupid’s (Bar) Crawl in downtown Mountain View was one of the BEST IDEAS I’VE EVER HAD.

LED heart

 The event organizers planned and advertised the event well and a butt load of people showed up in Valentine’s gear to celebrate.

One guest sewed his own “Sweet Heart” pants – he was literally covered in sweet hearts from the waist down.  Another guest wore white wings and a red dress and looked every bit the lolita Cupid.  I think there was even a “Queen of Hearts” costume in there.

By and large, an incredibly creative crowd.

I got a ride to Krunch’s place.  I didn’t want to risk driving with a few beers in me.  I warned Krunch, “If you see a gin and tonic in my hand, SLAP IT AWAY!”

Here’s Krunch and I, waiting outside Molly Magees.

IMG_8786

Notice how I look so much taller than him?  Yes, that’s because I was wearing 8″ heels that LITERALLY HOBBLED ME by the end of the evening.

IMG_8111

You should’ve seen me trying to dance in those shoes, all the while my feet SCREAMING at me to CUT IT OUT!

So, I didn’t make it as long as I would have liked in the evening, but at least I left because I was hobbled, and not because I drank to much.

Folks, this is what I call PROGRESS!