Tag Archives: pub crawl

My Very First Santa Con

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The most notable part about my weekend this past weekend is that I got smashed.

Trashed.

Blottoed.

Is that even a word?

I didn’t intend to and I blame the fact that I switched from drinking beer to drinking gin about halfway through the night.

But let’s start at the beginning.

I decided to attend my first Santa Con – a party where a group of people get dressed like Santa in festive holiday attire and go en mass from one pub to the next bringing holiday spirit and cheer while consuming alcoholic beverages.  I put together an appropriate outfit – black boots, fishnet tights, white tutu, red velvet corset with white maribou feather trim, and of course a Santa hat.

IMG_8478Our path was all laid out – first we went to Aloft Bar, then Whole Foods (who were INCREDIBLY HOSPITABLE), followed by The Monte Vista Inn, and finally landing at The Blue Pheasant.

Everyone was dressed up in various Santa garb. My favorite was a duo – a flattened grandma and the reindeer who ran her over. Perfect! Love everyone’s creativity!

I got run over by the reindeer myself… note the hoof print on my chest!

IMG_8484At Paul & Eddie’s, I switched from drinking beer to drinking 4 olive gin martinis.

And that’s what did me in.

By the time we got to The Blue Pheasant, I was incapable of using my phone to arrange for a Lyft so I had to get a ride home from a nice gentleman who was kind enough to offer me a ride.

And then I was too drunk to give him directions.

He had to use an app to get me home.

Sigh.

I’m really embarrassed to say that I actually remember farting in his car on the ride home.

HUMILIATION!!!

Jesus, was I DRUNK!

So lesson learned: Santa Con is a marathon, not a sprint.

Drink accordingly!

Homage to nudity

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It’s a ONESIE WEEKEND for me.

First of all, Friday is a pub crawl/art exploration in downtown San Jose.

The theme is Smokey the Bear because it’s, you know, April 20th.

As in 4/20?

You get it.

So I’m wearing my bear onesie (which I ironically wore to the Onesie party LAST Friday).

Isn’t it the cutest?

We meet up at Ursa Mater – the 2017 Burning Man sculpture made out of cement and pennies.

Then Saturday is a housewarming/birthday party, also in San Jose.

It’s my “clothing optional” party.

The theme is MAGICAL CREATURES, which I LOVE!

Nothing like dressing up as a mythical creature to spice up the evening.

I fully intend to wear my unicorn onesie to the party.

Despite being very warm, they are quite comfortable and fun to socialize in.

I’m not going to get naked at the party (except in the hot tub) but I intend to pay homage to nudity everywhere by GOING NAKED UNDER ALL MY CLOTHES.

There you go.

Two hams in a sausage casing

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Well, I tried.

I got invited to a Valentine’s Pub Crawl (well TWO, actually) and I wanted to wear something saucy.

So I went online and ordered something I don’t have in my closet already (if you can believe that).

I ordered a pink latex dress.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m losing weight, but I suddenly find myself flush with body confidence.

And I wanted to put that body confidence in a latex dress.

I also got a faux fur jacket to match.

And voilà!

Some sort of fun and outstanding outfit for the crawl.

Yes, I was running the risk of putting on the dress only to discover I looked like two hams stuffed in a sausage casing, but hey!

Life is risk, no?

Sadly, hams or no hams, I wasn’t even able to try on the dress because the store I bought it from cancelled my order.

Needless to say I was irritated.

When I put effort into planning an outfit and there is a catastrophic failure of the outfit, I get a little miffed.

But you heard it here first –

Someday, regardless of this botched attempt, I’m going to wear latex!

Woot!

The wonderful world of onesies

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I’ve been invited to TWO Valentine’s Day Pub Crawls.

The first is on the Friday BEFORE Valentine’s Day.

The second is on Valentine’s Day itself.

For both crawls, I will be wearing a onesie.

You know, one of those full body pajamas you see on babies?

EXACTLY!

Now, you might ask why I chose to wear onesies, and it’s a simple answer:

Because one of the crawls is a ONESIE Pub Crawl.

So I’m wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie because I like rainbows and unicorns.

The other pub crawl is a VALENTINE themed pub crawl.

And since my latex dress outfit fell through, I decided to just pick up a Valentine onesie and wear that.

It’s simple and doesn’t require lots of accessorizing.

Between you and I, I happen to have FIVE onesies – the unicorn, the Valentine, a zebra, the Grinch, and Chewbacca.

It’s impossible to have JUST ONE ONESIE.

Thanksgiving Pub Crawl

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Any excuse for a pub crawl is good enough reason to pub crawl, right?

Well, as it turns out there are numerous Santa Cons coming up and I’m fully prepared with a buttload of Santa costumes I can wear – everything from a bare assed elf to Mrs. Claus.

What you don’t know is there there is a little known but equally awesome pub crawl called The Pilgrim’s Progressive.

Basically you dress up like a pilgrim, turkey, or other Thanksgiving themed costume and you crawl through the pubs of downtown Mountain View.

Yesterday, I pulled out all my Santa Con costumes.

Now I’ve got to pull out my pilgrim costume from last year (which I never got to wear, boo!).

Because this year I AM GOING TO BE A PILGRIM crawling down Castro Street in downtown Mountain View, imbibing questionable quantities of liquid courage as I go.

Check me out. . .

Here’s my inspiration for my costume.

And here’s what I’ve assembled for my costume:

Is  it not THE BOMB as far as pilgrim costumes go?  I’d like to thank etsy for the awesome cape and bonnet (which I did not want to sew myself).

Watch out Mountain View, the pilgrims are coming!

Save

Cupid’s Crawl: Posing with the bartender

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To tell you the truth, I was more than a little surprised.

I went up to the bar like normal and ordered two beers – one for my friend and one for me – when the bartender asked me to come behind the bar.

He wanted to take a picture of me in costume.

I slid through the crowd and behind the bar.

The bartender handed his phone to a patron, laid his head on my…. ahem… breasts, and proceeded to wait for the picture to be taken.

Here’s a photo of us getting our photo taken.  Thank you Brad for the picture!

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Here are my other pictures from the night.

Enjoy!

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Cupid’s Crawl: Giving my heart(s) away

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In retrospect, bringing glowing hearts necklaces and blinky heart pins to Cupid’s (Bar) Crawl in downtown Mountain View was one of the BEST IDEAS I’VE EVER HAD.

LED heart

 The event organizers planned and advertised the event well and a butt load of people showed up in Valentine’s gear to celebrate.

One guest sewed his own “Sweet Heart” pants – he was literally covered in sweet hearts from the waist down.  Another guest wore white wings and a red dress and looked every bit the lolita Cupid.  I think there was even a “Queen of Hearts” costume in there.

By and large, an incredibly creative crowd.

I got a ride to Krunch’s place.  I didn’t want to risk driving with a few beers in me.  I warned Krunch, “If you see a gin and tonic in my hand, SLAP IT AWAY!”

Here’s Krunch and I, waiting outside Molly Magees.

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Notice how I look so much taller than him?  Yes, that’s because I was wearing 8″ heels that LITERALLY HOBBLED ME by the end of the evening.

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You should’ve seen me trying to dance in those shoes, all the while my feet SCREAMING at me to CUT IT OUT!

So, I didn’t make it as long as I would have liked in the evening, but at least I left because I was hobbled, and not because I drank to much.

Folks, this is what I call PROGRESS!

Open Season

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It’s dating season.

At least that’s what all the online dating sites are saying.

It’s their busiest time of the year.

And I’d be busy dating too…

…except that all my weekends and evenings are being taken up with burner activities.

And I’m perfectly happy this way.

Actually, I have WAY MORE FUN at burner events than I do going on carbon copy dates with questionable men.

Still, if I don’t want to be single FOREVER I guess I need to put myself out there more and actually respond to the men who email me and go out on dates with them.

The latest guy is a tall, handsome, bald vegetarian who lives in the East Bay and has a SUPER CUTE pet pit bull.

You know that having a dog makes a man sexier, right?

Maybe I can take him to a burner event. See if he can hang with my friends and acquaintances.

But I’m sensing there will be a BIG BACON CONFLICT.

I once remarked that the quality of your life isn’t dependent on the money you have, the car you drive, or the job you work at. It’s about the quality of the relationships you’ve established.

And I, my dears, have got that in SPADES!

It kind of kicks dating to the back burner.

Who wants to go to another dinner at Opa in downtown Los Gatos and drink another $500 bottle of Malbec when there’s a Santa Con costume pub crawl?

Just asking…