Done with that

I need to rethink my approach to meeting men.

I’ve been relying HEAVILY on online dating applications to introduce me to people, yet so very few of the men I meet become friends.

My success rate is seriously DOWN IN THE DUMPS right now.

Obviously, with my track record of online dating being so poor, it’s hard to understand why I continue to try my hand at it.

The answer is simple:  It makes me FEEL like I’m accomplishing something.

I’m meeting men, though they’re not right for me, and what more can I do besides make an effort to get to know single available men.

The problem is that men are easy to come by and the slightest red flag sends me running.

I know I’m guilty of not investing as much as I should on a first date because it’s real easy to arrange another first date with another acceptable man.

But if you stand at the end of that long road, and look back – it’s a rather uninteresting and somewhat painful journey.

Particularly when you had no idea you’d be living so much of your adult life in an uncoupled up state.

I like being single when the alternative is being with someone who doesn’t make me happy.

But when the alternative is love, I’m 100% for leaving singlehood behind.

I’m not sure why finding someone who makes me happy is taking so long.

Going forward into 2021, I’ve decided to lay off the online dating websites for a while.

Not because I’m giving up, but because I recognize a stagnant pattern when I see one.

Now, in order for me to meet a man, he’s going to have to be the one who is looking.

Because I’m done with that.

Cut Throat      

Ever since my renewed experience with ghosting, I’ve become a menace at swiping left on Tinder and closing dead-end connections.

I’ve developed a method for weeding out inappropriate men:

  1. Do I want to swipe right when I see their picture(s)?
  2. If yes, then I review where they are from.
  3. If they are 25 miles or less from me, I read their profile (if there is one).
  4. If they are married, polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous, in an “open” relationship, not looking for a LTR or looking for hookups, I swipe left.

I’ve been feeling like a cut throat dater lately because I’ve been REALLY GOOD at closing connections that are dead ends (see above list).

One guy called me a pet name RIGHT OFF THE BAT, which I hate!

I am ‘sweetheart’ to my friends and family but a stranger has to earn the right to call me that.

Forged intimacy is a no-no in my book.

I closed the connection with him.

Another man clearly lived WAY TO FAR AWAY (don’t know how he missed my filter), but I quickly closed our connection as well.

It pays to filter your connections post swiping too.

Sometimes you wind up with someone who is just visiting the area and looking for an easy hookup.

Their profile looks good but they’re not local.

I close those connections too.

It’s not as if I need MORE ENCOURAGEMENT getting involved in long-distance relationships, despite the fact that I’m really looking for someone local.

Everything is closer than Sweden, however.

Now, as soon as the first red flag goes up, I cut bait and run.

Pics with guns.

Donald Trump supporters.

Flaky texting.

Dick pics.

All these things set off my radar and I exit quickly once I’ve beentriggered.

I’m not being bitchy, I’m being efficient.

I’m a cut throat when it comes to internet dating.

RIP The Fireman

I’m always disappointed when I meet a new guy who I think is fantastic who turns out to only be a pervert.

Don’t get me wrong.  Some of my closest friends are perverted. And I suspect (okay, I KNOW) I am as well. It’s not that I mind perverts.

It’s just that I don’t want them to LEAD with that in our VERY FIRST conversation together.

Show me your character first THEN show me your eccentricities.

Take The Fireman for instance. Tall, handsome, heroic, and funny. There wasn’t much this guy had to do to get it right.

He was already tailor made for me.

And who doesn’t LOVE a fireman?

Then we had this exchange after talking about some of my earlier adventures – sky diving, running with the bulls, and racing stock cars.

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The instant he sent me those texts, I wrote him off.

Big, red flags were blazing in front of my eyes.

I don’t want the first thought in his head to be about how good I am in bed. I want it to be about how awesome I am to hang out with.

So let’s just file The Fireman under “UNAVAILABLE” and move on from there.

Mmmmmkay?