I am not a porn star

I’m going to write a new dating profile and title it:

I am not a porn star

It’s not that I resemble any porn stars out there, aside from being busty and blond.

No.

It’s that I keep getting treated like my life revolves around sex by the men I go out with.

They seem to think it’s okay to grope me.

To ask if they can give me a facial.

To move a glass on the table so they can “get a better look at my tits.”

Yes, all this has happened and more.

And I’m sick of it.

Hence the desire to write a totally biting new profile.

Have men COMPLETELY forgotten about mutual respect?

Where are their manners?

I’m not trading my sexuality for a meal or a couple of drinks at a bar.

I am a REAL person who deserves respect, kindness, and sincerity.

I know I’m not The One for every man out there.

Does that mean that I deserve to be treated like a disposable toy?

No, it does not.

Before you start freaking out, let me set the record straight.

I’m not ACTUALLY going to write a new dating profile.

Because I’ve established that online dating is worthless.

A total waste of time.

And I would rather be a nun than spend any more time dating sex fiends, fuckwits, and assholes.

That is all.

The Swede and I

Okay.

So The Swede is coming to Burning Man.

So far.

That MIGHT change, but for now, it’s still in the stars.

And in order to prep myself to go to the playa, the land of temptation and pleasure, with someone I’m dating, I really want to read more about playa relationships.

Specifically, there was an article that was circulated around in 2015 – my virgin year – which outlined the stresses relationships go through on the playa and how to deal with those stresses, which I am trying to locate.

Without any luck.

That’s right.

I can find a fucking lavender and teal ombre party dress on the internet, but I can’t find this article, which I recall was fairly substantial.

So, considering the knowledge out there that all my burner friends have, what are your top tips on how to manage a relationship at the burn?

I mean obviously there’s “Make sure each of you has alone time.”

And “Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.”

But there’s got to be more to it than alone time and communication.

What do I do if he asks to go to the Orgy Dome?

How do I greet my friends if I can’t kiss them?

How do I politely ask him to get naked with me and go to the Saunadome?

How do I make sure I respect his boundaries during the burn?

And so many more questions!

So help me out and give me your suggestions.

I’d love to hear some ideas on how to manage a relationship on playa by someone who has actually done just that.