Eating all the Swedish Fish

I am slowly, but SURELY, eating all the Swedish Fish I bought for the Swede.

I’m hoping that Murphy’s Law will be in full effect for me.

If I eat them all, then I will be unprepared for him to visit me in California and he will come.

If I don’t eat them, then his trip will be cancelled and I will have no visit with The Swede.

And I REALLY want to see him.

A while ago, he told me a story about kidnapping one of his friends for his bachelor’s party.

At the time, I thought that sounded TOTALLY NUTS.

Who KIDNAPS another person?

Then, months later, I’m watching a TV show called “Welcome to Sweden” and the two main characters are getting married.

Their friends throw them WILD bachelor and bachelorette parties, including – get this – KIDNAPPING THE GROOM!

These Swedes take these parties VERY SERIOUSLY, I guess!

So I text The Swede and I say to him that I thought he was a LITTLE crazy when he told me what he did but APPARENTLY THIS IS NORMAL IN SWEDEN.

At which time he replied, “You thought *I* was crazy?”

Point taken.

Between the two of us, I am the crazy one and I think we both know that.

Burning Man. SoulFire, UnSCruz. Pagan Bunny Burn. SF Decompression. Santa Con. Pilgrim Pub Crawl. Star Wars Whores.

I’m a wee bit on the fringes of society, running around in a Santa suit, tutus, and platform boots.

Whereas he is firmly ensconced in a suit and tie and quite respectable.

HOWEVER, he looks good bare-chested in a fur vest and Viking horns.

And I clean up nicely.

So maybe we’re more of a match than one would expect.

Maybe. . .

How to be a respectable old bore. . .

michelleA friend posted a link to an article titled “15 Things no Grown Woman Should Have in her Closet.

Or as I like to put it, “How to become a sensible old bore.”

Here are the 15 things the article says don’t belong in a closet:

  1. Old bridesmaid dresses.
  2. Old Halloween costumes.
  3. Truly, madly painful heels.
  4. Anything stained or holey.
  5. Bras that could double as a slingshot.
  6. Panties that could double as dental floss.
  7. Leggings that are now practically sheer.
  8. Bodycon dresses.
  9. Ill-fitting suits.
  10. Guilty impulse buys.
  11. Comically low-rise jeans.
  12. Velour tracksuits.
  13. Festival wear.
  14. Old Greek-life function T-shirts.
  15. “Skinny clothes.”

I break virtually every one of these rules – with the exception of #1 (because I was never a bridesmaid), #4 (because I throw that shit OUT), and #14 (because I was never in the Greek system).

I firmly believe in the importance of keeping things that make you feel good, regardless if they pinch your toes, are out-of-fashion, or are just a little too sheer to be worn anywhere but to bed.

That said, I also believe in the value of wearing costumes.

There’s a reason Halloween is such a favorite holiday for so many people.

And as a burner, I attend many dress up functions where I get to wear my costumes for other people to see.

They’re also nice for ROLE PLAY, just sayin’.

In any case, throw out your old bills.

Keep your old costumes.

Live a little.

Plenty of time to be a respectable old bore later. . .

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