Costumes I’m DYING to get

It’s my favorite time of year.

The weather changes and becomes cooler.

We start gearing up for the holidays.

AND there’s Halloween, only my most favorite holiday of them all.

The algorithms over at Facebook are having their hey day with me, showing me all sorts of costumes and accoutrement for Halloween.

Here are a few stand outs from HalloweenCostumes.com.

Ruby from the Fifth Element. Because I can’t fit in a LeeLoo bandage costume.

Ludo from Labyrinth. Because I really love Labyrinth and I already have a Sarah costume.

Lil Kim purple catsuit with matching nipple pasty.  Because I love modern pop culture costume references.

Ace Ventura.  Because he’s the best and it looks like an easy costume to pull off.  Love you Jim Carrey!

Claire from The Breakfast Club.  Once again, LOVE pop culture references.  Does it come with a John Bender accessory, I wonder. . .

Sarah from Labyrinth.  I already have a quinceañera dress I wear as a Labyrinth costume, but this one is so much nicer.

Beauty School Dropout costume from Grease.  Because I already have a Hot Sandy costume.

Another good source of women’s costumes is Fashion Nova.

Here are a few outstanding costumes:

A knock off of Jennifer Lopez’s famous plunging green Versace gown from the 2000 Grammys.

Madonna’s Take A Bow costume.  Because we’ve already established I’m a sucker for pop culture references.

Take this all with a grain of salt.

I won’t be ordering them all.

But I plan to pick up a few for my closet.

Now if I could just arrange for a party!

Rainbow baby

The road to parenthood has not been an easy ride for me.

From the beginning I struggled with fertility issues.

Granted, I was 25 years old when I started trying and I had years ahead of me to be successful in my quest to have children, but the steps there were filled with fertility treatments and unfortunately, pregnancy loss.

I admire women who get pregnant and just assume everything will be okay.

After my first loss – a stillbirth at 22 weeks – I never took my pregnancy for granted again.

I stressed and worried and bothered my OBGYN in ways you can’t even begin to imagine, insisting on extra ultrasounds and additional testing to be sure that everything was okay.

No amount of reassurance could convince me otherwise.

I have been pregnant six times but only have two living children.

My first pregnancy ended in stillbirth when it was discovered that my son Douglas had a large tumor growing off the base of his spine – a sacrococcogeal teratoma.

Google it if you want to see what it looks like, but be forewarned, it’s not pretty.

It’s called a “monster-making” tumor for a reason.

Douglas was born still on September 22, 1998.

He was perfect in every way except for a giant tumor on which his little legs rested.

To add insult to injury, Douglas’ body was thrown out with the hospital laundry by accident so it took a few extra days to recover him, cremate him, and hold a memorial for him.

Not all my family was supportive.

My mother-in-law didn’t even bother to attend the memorial.

After Douglas, I lost three babies between 8 and 12 weeks.

I also lost a little girl named Ruby at 16 weeks.

She was physically perfect and genetically nothing was wrong with her chromosomes.

It’s just one of those things that happens, I was told.

Recently, another loved one’s loss has brought all these feeling bubbling to the surface again and it was with tears in my eyes that I embraced her, knowing that she’s reluctantly joined the same club I joined all those years ago when I lost Douglas.

The club for women who will never be able to sail through a pregnancy like women who haven’t experienced a loss.

Worst club in the world, if you ask me.

But we’re there for each other.

There are meet ups for pregnant women who are pregnant again after a loss.

And they call subsequent babies “rainbow” babies to signify how even after a loss, something beautiful can be created.

My love to you.

You know who you are.

A time for everything under heaven

IMG_471717 years ago today, my heart tore in half when my son Douglas died of cancer.

The hospital room was so quiet and it smelled of tears. Tears that fell from my eyes like endless rivers of sorrow.

I thought I’d never stop crying.

I stopped believing in God. Stopped singing.

My ex husband got me a dog, Mac, to get over my grief and having that dog to pour all my love into brought me back to life.

He was a four legged replacement for the son I lost.

Sadly, 7 years ago today, Mac’s life ended in a freak freeway accident on Highway 80.

So you could say that September 22 is my least favorite day of the year.

You could say that but you’d be wrong.

Because instead of spending the day grieving, I spend the day with my sons and my family, having fun and feeling alive, instead of mourning.

It gives me an opportunity to honor my loved ones but also give me the chance to celebrate everything that is wonderful and beautiful in my life.

Especially the two sons that I have.

So happy September 22nd, to all my friends. I hope it’s a happy one for you too.