Sex toy purge

I have a ton of sex toys.

Most of it is pretty tame stuff.

Stuff I’m okay admitting to on my blog – vibrators, dildos, magic wands, condoms, lubrication, blindfolds, etc.

However, there are a few things in my collection – such as a harness and nipple clamps – that should anything happen to me, my sister is UNDER STRICT INSTUCTIONS TO GET TO MY ROOM AND REMOVE THEM.

They’re all in a black bag on the top shelf on my center bookcase.

Basically, my mom and dad don’t know what a pervert I am and I want to keep it that way, especially when I get to the greater beyond.

My sister is mentally strong and capable of looking at these things, realize that I did in fact use them on other people (or myself) and THROW THAT SHIT AWAY.

I suspect, given my sister’s constitution, that she would actually just toss the entire bag into the garbage, sight unseen.

Because she’s SMART LIKE THAT.

Who needs to look at an enema bulb anyway?

Or a lube shooter?

Or, God forbid, a riding crop?

Oh wow, did I just say that out loud?

Favorite (sex) toys

I HIGHLY recommend all of these for use in the bedroom.  Some are standard issue sex toys and others are a little more out there.  But they’re all pretty tame (aka “vanilla”) as far as toys go.  I’ve seen much worse.

A sharpie.  Because it’s fun to write on each other’s naked body.  It’s also fun to try to keep the writing under covers as it fades.  Nothing like spotting your lover’s mark on your body to turn you on and make you want it all over again.

Feather whips.  They don’t hurt, they just wake up the nerves in your body and make them sing.

Nipple clamps.  Lots of sensation.  Only painful if you want it that way.  ‘Nuff said.

jimmyjane Massage Oil Candle.  Oh la la!  In Bourbon, Cucumber Water, Dark Vanilla, and Pink Lotus.  All yum and especially fun with a partner.  No worries about getting burnt though,  the candle are low temperature melting candles.  The oil pours out in a lovely warm stream.

Vibrating cock ring.  Because, you know, there’s nothing like a nubby little button on your nubby little button.  Done.

Sensory Wheel.  Don’t worry, it only looks like it’ll poke a million holes in you.  Spread you with seeds and water and you’ll become a Chia Pet.  Not so.  This little device is great at waking up your skin and delivering delicious sensation.  Don’t believe me?  Try it.

The innie-outie couples massager.  I’m not sure what to say about this without being terribly explicit.  Since I’m sure you don’t want to hear how many orgasms I’ve had with this device let me just say this – it’s meant to be worn during intercourse.  And it’s AWESOME!

Personal massager.  Works great.  Tiny and discreet with a super quiet motor.  This is the one to take in your purse when you’re traveling.  You’ll want TSA to frisk you just so you can show it off.

5The Rabbit.  What can I say about the rabbit that hasn’t already been said.  It’s a whopper of a vibrator but really gets the job done with rotating beads, a swirling tip, and a vibrating bunny with strategically placed ears.  Yum!

A dildo.  Go old school with a standard issue dildo.  Or go with the non-standard issue.  I’m partial to black dildos because they make me feel wicked, but they come in all colors, shapes and sizes – kinda like the men out there.  Choose wisely, this will be your boyfriend longer than your relationships.

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Pleasure Party

After working a 12 hour day, I decided to take a detour on my way home and stop by my friend Melissa’s Pleasure Party.

It was a treat to hang out with an eclectic bunch of women fascinated by a discussion of all things pleasurable.

Our pleasure consultant was knowledgeable, skilled, and funny which is a prerequisite if you’re going to give a sex talk.

Much humor is needed.

 Also needed are jello shots…

 Our consultant had a whole table of toys including Lelo, bullets, oils, massage creams, candles, vibrators, dildos, and more.

My favorite part of the evening was when the consultant demonstrated how a little sleeve called Mimi could make giving a blow job that much easier.

All in all, a great time was had by everyone.  And I got to see my girl crush.

That was worth the price of admission.

So what did I buy?

Lotions, potions, and things that go BUZZ in the night.

Happy girl!

10 Favorite sex toys

I HIGHLY recommend all of these for use in the bedroom.  Some are standard issue sex toys and others are a little more out there.  But they’re all pretty tame as far as toys go.  I’ve seen much worse.

A sharpie.  Because it’s fun to write on each other’s naked body.  It’s also fun to try to keep the writing under covers as it fades.  Nothing like spotting your lover’s mark on your body to turn you on and make you want it all over again.

Feather whips.  They don’t hurt, they just wake up the nerves in your body and make them sing.

Nipple clamps.  Lots of sensation.  Only painful if you want it that way.  ‘Nuff said.

jimmyjane Massage Oil Candle.  Oh la la!  In Bourbon, Cucumber Water, Dark Vanilla, and Pink Lotus.  All yum and especially fun with a partner.  No worries about getting burnt though,  the candle are low temperature melting candles.  The oil pours out in a lovely warm stream.

Vibrating cock ring.  Because, you know, there’s nothing like a nubby little button on your nubby little button.  Done.

Sensory Wheel.  Don’t worry, it only looks like it’ll poke a million holes in you.  Spread you with seeds and water and you’ll become a Chia Pet.  Not so.  This little device is great at waking up your skin and delivering delicious sensation.  Don’t believe me?  Try it.

The innie-outie couples massager.  I’m not sure what to say about this without being terribly explicit.  Since I’m sure you don’t want to hear how many orgasms I’ve had with this device let me just say this – it’s meant to be worn during intercourse.  And it’s AWESOME!

Personal massager.  Works great.  Tiny and discreet with a super quiet motor.  This is the one to take in your purse when you’re traveling.  You’ll want TSA to frisk you just so you can show it off.

5The Rabbit.  What can I say about the rabbit that hasn’t already been said.  It’s a whopper of a vibrator but really gets the job done with rotating beads, a swirling tip, and a vibrating bunny with strategically placed ears.  Yum!

A dildo.  Go old school with a standard issue dildo.  Or go with the non-standard issue.  I’m partial to black dildos because they make me feel wicked, but they come in all colors, shapes and sizes – kinda like the men out there.  Choose wisely, this will be your boyfriend longer than your relationships.