New Bucket List Item

I’ve got a lot on my bucket list.

Things like visit Greece and Australia.

Go great white shark diving.

Dance all night at Burning Man (I haven’t done this yet).

Just the other day, I realized I had a new Bucket List item.

Something I was jonesing for hard.

Sex with a Swede.

Actually, sex with THE Swede. Fullstop.

I know. I know.

I’ve known him for a full year and we haven’t gotten around to it yet.

In my defense, he does live in Stockholm, 99% of the time.

It’s not like we’ve had the opportunity.

But there we were in his hotel room, rolling around on the bed, kissing and groping when I realized that I wanted this man.

Bad.

Ding!

I just added him to my bucket list.

Have you ever heard of a bucket list, I asked him.

Yes, he replied.

Guess what’s on my bucket list, I prodded him.

I don’t know. What’s on your bucket list, he asked.

“Sex with a Swede,” I whispered in his ear.

“I can help with that,” he offered. . .

My ridiculous vow of abstinence

michelleI know I said that I was going to go 90 days without sex, but I’m rethinking the wisdom of that.

It’s not that I CAN’T achieve my goal.

After all, I’m not even TRYING to go out on dates with anybody ever since the last fiasco where I met a. . . GASP. . . TRUMP SUPPORTER.

I know, I know!

It was BAD!

So there are no opportunities for me to break my vow of abstinence.

Currently.

However, I’ve noticed that my consumption of soft core porn has increased.

This is a sure sign that my hormones are trying to WAKE ME UP and GET ME MOVING.

I know that every time I watch the naked bare butt scene in P.S. I Love You, I’m looking to get my rocks off.

And when I break out Red Shoe Diaries, you can be sure I’m in the mood.

I was even so desperate, I watched 50 Shades of Grey.

You know you’re in bad shape when you watch that movie.

So I repeat myself – it’s not that I CAN’T achieve my goal, the question is more, WHY WOULD I WANT TO?

The Best Lover

charlie_beachBy far, the best lover I ever had was an Australian living in the US named Charlie.

He was the first bald headed guy I ever went out with.

And he was also the first married but separated man I attempted to date.

Charlie was extraordinary in bed, not because he had wicked skills or some special talents, but because he was so ALL CONSUMING IN BED HE LEFT YOU TOTALLY SPENT.

Now, I tend to be a take charge kind of girl.

But Charlie would have none of that.

When he kissed me, it was like he was POURING himself into me.

He’d grab me by the back of my neck and wrap his hand around my cheek and all of a sudden there was nothing.

But.

His.

Kiss.

I remember that sense of losing touch with reality when I was with him.

Of course as the clothes came off, things got even better.

Being held in his arms was like being enveloped in the woods – you were surrounded by masculinity, hardness, muskiness and strength.

Technically, you could find your way out, but why would you want to?

He was all hands and mouth and they were constantly seeking out your sensitive spots. I always felt like he was everywhere all at once.

And Charlie had a “thing.”

He liked being pressed into the mattress.

I remember this well.

He’d be on bottom, I’d be on top with my hands splayed out on his chest, pushing my weight down on him into the bed.

It was a style uniquely suited to him.

In doggie style, he’d wrap his body over mine and grab my wrists, squeezing me into his body, like we were going to merge into one.

There was so much skin to skin contact I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began.

All I know was that it felt good.

I’ll never forget the kind of lover Charlie was.

Maybe that’s why he holds a special place in my heart even though it was just a short lived fling.

And beyond being a spectacular lover, he was also just an all around great guy. The kind you’d go camping with, go fishing with, or take on a just-for-fun road trip.

That kind of man is worth his weight in gold.

Sigh!

Save

Gourmet or fast food

MichelleI was reading a Facebook post of a friend who coaches, educates, and speaks to women and couples about the sexual mechanics of women’s arousal, desire, and satisfaction.

In her post, she questioned whether the sex I am getting is gourmet or fast food.

And I paused for a millisecond before my brain jumped to FAST FOOD.

And can I tell you I was HORRIFIED at this thought.

Am I a cheesy fast food burger and not prime rib?

Do I value quantity over quality?

And the answer was pretty simple.

Yes, I’m a quantity girl. I like it and I like a lot of it.

However, and this takes a lot to admit, it’s only FAST FOOD because I’m not in love with any of my partners and that’s what elevates sex from the dregs of fast food to the zenith of gourmet prime rib.

It’s not like it’s not good.

I just know there’s something better out there.

And, of course, ultimately I totally REJECT the idea that I’m having fast food sex.

More like chicken fried steak with a side of biscuits and A LOT OF GRAVY.

Yup, that’s me.

Password Protected Posts: P3

Here is a listing of my password protected posts, as of today:

Ecstasy – https://unblunder.com/2015/07/10/ot-ecstasy/

SoulFire XXX – https://unblunder.com/2015/07/08/ot-soulfire-xxx/

The Wet Munch – https://unblunder.com/2015/06/12/ot-the-wet-munch/

More toys – https://unblunder.com/2015/06/02/ot-more-toys/

Debauchery – https://unblunder.com/2015/06/01/ot-debauchery/

The Shower – https://unblunder.com/2015/05/27/ot-the-shower/

OMgasm – https://unblunder.com/2015/05/13/ot-omgasm/

Motherload – https://unblunder.com/2015/05/05/ot-motherload/

A Spanking with a twist – https://unblunder.com/2015/04/26/ot-a-spanking-with-a-twist/

My X Rated Date with The Pirate – https://unblunder.com/2015/04/25/ot-my-x-rated-date-with-the-pirate/

Lex and Eden – https://unblunder.com/2014/11/25/ot-lex-and-eden/

The Collaring – https://unblunder.com/2014/11/25/ot-the-collaring/

On being a trainer pussy – https://unblunder.com/2014/11/11/ot-on-being-a-trainer-pussy/

The Trampoline – https://unblunder.com/2014/11/07/ot-the-trampoline/

Trainer Pussy – https://unblunder.com/2014/11/06/ot-trainer-pussy/

Michelada and a threesome – https://unblunder.com/2014/10/27/ot-michelada-and-a-threesome/

Maestro – https://unblunder.com/2014/10/27/ot-maestro/

She Makes it Hot – https://unblunder.com/2014/10/17/ot-she-makes-it-hot/

The Assistant – https://unblunder.com/2014/10/16/ot-the-assistant/

Eden and Adrienne and Lex, oh my! – https://unblunder.com/2014/10/16/ot-eden-and-adrienne-and-lex-oh-my/

F*cking Horomes

michelleSo.

Ever since I quit internet dating, I’ve developed a bad habit.

I scope out men.

All. The. Time.

I do it at the grocery store, at work, I even do it while waiting in line to use the restroom.

It’s my new favorite past time.

I’m on the HUNT for single men.

Oh dear, did I really say that?!?

The problem is, I can’t seem to turn it off.

I literally look at every man I see (who isn’t wearing a wedding band) and the first thing I think of is whether or not I’d sleep with him.

Now.

I had my children in my 20’s so this is not my biological clock ticking down.

No.

This is hormone-driven, pure and simple.

I want a man.

No, really. . .

I WANT a man!

Fucking hormones.

There’s no such thing as sex on the playa*

There is no sex on the playa*

Obviously, I’m kidding. But according to my friend Richard, the heat and dust aren’t very conducive to putting people in the mood.

Of course Richard and I both know that some people are ALWAYS in the mood.

So there’s sex on the playa for sure.

Maybe it’s “I-haven’t-showered-in-four-days” sex – where you do enough to get the job done but there’s no bells and whistles.

No matter, anyway. The slightest motion in my tent trailer sends it rocking and swaying and moving to the groove…

Richard also told me about a little place called the Human Carcass Wash (next to the Testicular Torture camp), which as far as I can tell is some sort of assembly line body wash with a group of poly people holding squirt bottles. Excellent idea in the desert, if you ask me. I’ll be begging for a body wash, or squirt, after 3 days, maybe sooner depending on how sticky the dust is.

And you know I love showering when I’m not alone.

It won’t be the cascade waterfall shower in my sister’s house in Reno, but I’ll save that as my special treat post-Burning Man.

I’m wondering what my 24 inch long blond hair will look like after a week in Black Rock City. Maybe I’ll have dreads when all is said and done.

Honestly, I’m trying to figure out a way to wash my own hair just once while I’m at Burning Man. My tent trailer holds at least 20 gallons of water so surely I can use a gallon or two on my hair (and then evaporate the grey water).

Of course, all this hinges on me being able to actually DRIVE my tent trailer onto the playa. Since I don’t have a vehicle pass yet, the details are SKETCHY.

So there you have it…. Unlikely to have sex but likely to take a group shower at the Human Carcass Wash.

That’s me.

*Kidding!

12 Condoms for Burning Man

michelleI’m bringing 12 condoms to Burning Man.

Does that number seem low?

I am going to be on playa for 11 days, after all.  That’s 1 condom per day.

But take into consideration that my lover won’t be attending Burning Man this year.

He’s my sure thing.

I’m not sure that I’ll be doing much mattress dancing this year.

Which is fine because I made up for it last year with several lovers and quite a bit of horizontal mambo.

And toys.

Plus I am sure that if I need to find *more* condoms on playa, that can be accomplished very easily.

The playa provides, after all.

So maybe I’ll get the plowing of my life.

Or maybe I’ll just re-virginize and stay celibate.

The point is, I have options.

cndms

How to tell if a woman wants you

michelle1This post is directed to a certain male friend who seems to be struggling with the fact that women don’t ANNOUNCE to you when they want to fool around.

Usually.

Ok, first of all let me say I am the WORST person to write this post because I’m not a game player.

If I like you, if I want you, I’m gonna make it OBVIOUS.

Capiche?

I do however posses girl parts and had numerous girl friends growing up which I think makes me somewhat knowledgeable in the ways of women.

To begin with, if a woman likes you she’s going to go through some effort to look good for you. This can include any or all of the following:

  • Shaving her legs
  • Waxing her bikini
  • Getting a spray tan
  • Moisturizing
  • Wearing perfume
  • Doing her hair
  • Any other primping routine

Personally, my date can always tell when I want sex because I SHAVE MY LEGS.

I also have a grooming obsession, so there’s that too.

Does she smile at you? Play with her hair? Let you touch her? Sit on your lap? Engage in flirty language?

Then “maybe” she wants you to flirt back.

The important thing to remember is that ALL OF THESE THINGS do not equal consent.

So you know, if you want to know if she’s into you and interested in having sex with you, maybe the best thing to do is to ASK HER.

My best advice is this: STOP INTERPRETING CLUES AND ACTUALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HER ABOUT IT.

I mean, if you can’t talk about having sex, should you really be having sex?

Do Not Disturb

disturbWhen I was in college, I had a roommate named Holly.

We lived in the Santa Cruz dorm together at UCSB.

We were, for all intents and purposes, virtual twins of each other – right down to our bra size.

Tall. Blond. Big boobed.

Holly was more athletic than I, participating in crew.

At first, we got along GREAT. We did things together. Decorated our room. Rearranged furniture.

We even bunked our beds – mine over hers.

And it was there in the top bunk bed one night that I woke up to the sound of Holly getting it on with some guy.

OMG!

How awkward!

What do I do?

I pretended to be sleeping, but in reality I. HEARD. EVERY. THING.

Every slurp. Every suck.

Being young and naïve, I was horrified by the experience.

How things change, no?

This was the only time I’ve ever had a roommate.

So I’m wondering if any of you burners out there can give me some advice. . .

How do you get it on without disturbing the roommate in an RV?

Do you make a schedule? Wait until your roomie leaves? Ask for privacy? All of the above?

Let me know.