DO NOT GO TO BURNING MAN WHEN YOU ARE OVULATING AND EXPECT TO SEE ART.
Instead of seeing art, you will spend an inordinate amount of time on your back trying uselessly to impregnate yourself.
I say “USELESSLY” because we all know how important it is to use condoms when one is engaging in CASUAL SEX without any other form of birth control.
I am not on birth control for one reason: it takes the THREAT OF AN 18 YEAR COMMITMENT to make me INSIST on using condoms.
I RARELY fudge it.
But fudge it I do sometimes.
Which is why I can say with a little shock and dismay. . .
. . .I’m late.
The WHOLE reason I am writing this post is because I AM SURE THAT IF I POST IT, I WILL NOT BE PREGNANT.
It’s the whole Murphy’s Law thing and me, again.
If I write it, it won’t come to fruition.
If I don’t write it, it will.
THE LAST FUCKING THING I WANT IN THIS UNIVERSE is to be a 43 year old pregnant woman.
Or, God forbid, to have gotten pregnant at Burning Man.
I went to Burning Man and all I got was this FUCKING BABY!*
*I’m DEFINITELY NOT PREGNANT. Still no period, though. Perimenopause SUCKS the BIG ONE!