Like a blister in the sun

I’m renowned for wearing flip flops ALL THE TIME.

Indeed.

I remember slinging frozen turkeys wearing flip flops in the rain at Avaya Stadium during a food bank giveaway for Thanksgiving.

It wasn’t the best thing to do.

But when I wear shoes, I get blisters on my heels, so I opt to wear backless shoes.

A friend has commented on how bad it is for my feet to be wearing flip flops all the time.

So today, I put on a pair of white sneakers and we attempted to go for a hike in a nearby park.

A quarter of a mile in, as predicted, I developed a blister and it popped.

I had to return to home base immediately with the back of my shoes squished, like a flat tire.

Some people think that all I need to do is wear real shoes more often and break them in so they don’t give me blisters.

But that’s a steep hill to climb when it’s your heels getting blistered.

Nevertheless, I will attempt to wear shoes more.

I have a whole closet FILLED with shoes of every variety.

And (don’t tell my friend) but I was wearing a pair of bright-white, never-been-worn sneakers which weren’t meant for hiking.

They weight about a pound each and had I not gotten a blister, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have made it much farther with all that weight to carry at the end of my leg.

Le sigh.

Growing up

I’m almost ashamed to admit it.

I’ve been collecting shoes for so long based on how they look, for the first time in my life today I passed up on buying a pair of shoes because of how I think they will feel.

Cripplingly painful, is my assessment.

This is a BIG change for me.

In the past, I’ve never cared how shoes would feel on my feet.

I have several pairs of 2-hour shoes that can attest to that.

That’s right – I have shoes I can only wear for 2 hours at a time before they get incredibly painful and require their removal.

Believe you me, I have memories of a night out wearing black studded stiletto heels with an ankle chain and I REMOVED my shoes while walking the streets of San Francisco.

You know you’re desperate to get your shoes off when you’re willing to walk barefoot through grime instead of wearing them.

I think this signifies a shift in me from spending money on shoes which bring me happiness to buying shoes which don’t hobble me.

I’m growing up after all.

Packing for Burning Man

I have barely started packing for Burning Man.

This is unusual in that I typically am packed and playa-ready MONTHS ahead of time.

Not so this trip.

Although, under the encouragement of Tejas, I did put on all the new shoes I bought JUST TO BE SURE THEY FIT.

It’s a good thing Tejas reminded me to test out my shoes because TWO PAIRS did not fit.

The pink quinceañera sneakers and the black orthopedic flip flops did not fit.

So I’m tossing them and replacing them with different shoes, which I will not only test to make sure they fit, but also wear around a little bit at home to make sure they’re comfortable.

These are the lessons you learn after a few failures on playa.

I’ve also tested my costumes to make sure they fit.

Nothing worse than getting to the playa only to discover that the jean shorts you selected to wear with three different outfits is too tight to button.

True story.

My gift to the playa this year is a recycled gift.

I have leftovers of my custom engraved, Burning Man credit-card size bottle opener which I will be giving away to my campmates.

We work in a bar camp, so a bottle opener is an appropriate gift to give (and I had leftovers from 2017).

I can’t believe it’s just a little over a week away until I leave for the playa!

I’m so not ready!

Burning Man Essentials: Footwear

The first rule of the playa is DON’T BRING ANYTHING TO THE PLAYA THAT YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO DESTROY.

Don’t buy designer clothes.

Don’t wear designer jewelry.

Playa dust gets everywhere and it DESTROYS things.

The only notable exception to this is YOUR SHOES.

Wear good shoes. Your feet will thank you after a day of walking and biking and a night of dancing.

Don’t wear flip flops.

Your feet will be destroyed.

Or at least if you do wear flip flops, wear them a limited amount of time and treat your feet with lemon juice or vinegar after (acid to counteract the alkalinity of the playa).

I personally like boots. They protect my feet from the dust and they look stylish.

My current pair of boots is a men’s size 7 Trashville by Demonia boot.

It’s perfect for the burn.

Here are some shoes you can peruse to find a style that you like and want to wear on the playa:

Contains affiliate links.

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Happy yellow

Trying to recover from my disastrous online sundress shopping experience, I finally gave up and did a mega search for yellow sundresses.

Why?

Because once upon a time I imagined I’d be going to Florida with a yellow dress and I bought a matching flower crown to go with it:

Then the dress fell through.

Oh, what’s a girl to do but SHOP SOME MORE?!

I found a dress to go with my flower crown:

And I got earrings, shoes, and a clutch to match:

You’ve got to picture a mega top knot bun surrounded by my little yellow flower crown, similar to this one with big blue flowers:

Definitely worthy of a nice night out with The Swede and his daughter.

I’m so excited!

And the dress fits, what’s more.

So you might as well go ahead and color me happy.

I just love my sunny, happy, yellow dress!

Shoes are everything

I didn’t know it at the time, but when I was prepping for my first Burning Man, I wasted a lot of time picking out shoes.

Of course I did.

Each outfit had to be coordinated to my shoes.

And of course, I loved THE WORST shoes for my feet:

Yes, I had to learn the hard way that as much as I like platform boots, they are HELL on your feet out on the playa.

There’s a lot of walking involved when you’re at Burning Man.

And that platform shoe soon feels like you’re wearing bricks on the end of your feet.

And just as an aside, those nice black boots turn grey-beige from all the playa dust.

Now that I’ve been to Burning Man a few times, I have learned the importance of wearing comfortable, supportive shoes that fit my feet well.

Here are a couple of duds:

This pair of white platform lace up boots.  Cool looking, eh?  But try wearing heels in the desert for hours on end and you will RIP THEM OFF YOUR FEET IN AGONY!

This pair of black platform boots.  Modest heel, you’d think it would be wearable.  But I’m here to tell you, no so! I’d rather shave my head with a cheese grater than wear these boots again.  ANYWHERE.  PAIN!

This pair of light up black flatform shoes.  So awesome, right?  I mean you have to light yourself up at night so why not light your shoes up?  This genius idea of mine didn’t take into account the WEIGHT of each shoe, especially with coils of lights around the heels.  Wearing these shoes was like walking around with cement blocks tied to my feet.  I ended up gifting them to a friend.

So now that I’m a bit more experienced, what kind of shoes would I wear to the burn?

For wandering around camp, I’d wear these flip flops:

Yes, they’re flip flops, but for wearing just around camp, they’re perfect.  They’re supportive and with proper foot care, you can avoid playa foot (indeed, I have a friend who wears flip flops nearly all the time and with just a little foot maintenance, she does just fine).

My other choice for wearing around camp are these slip-on walking shoes:

They’re easy to get on and off and are really comfortable, especially when you’re wandering around camp, visiting with friends.

This year, my go-to sneaker is this shoe, which has a moderate platform (yay) but is still lightweight and comfortable to wear:

And because I really do need a white shoe to go with my black shoe, I also have another shoe which fits my needs – comfortable, affordable, lightweight:

I still like the look of a little platform heel, but without all the extra added weight of a chunky heel.

Take it from someone who has made ALL THE MISTAKES, be vigilant about what shoes you bring to the burn.

I once brought a pair of high platform boots to unSCruz, and nothing else.  I discovered about an hour into the event that I would not be able to walk in them on the uneven grass surfaces, so I picked up a pair of extra large men’s slippers at the clothing exchange.  I proceeded to TRIP over exposed electrical cords because the shoes were too big for my feet and I did a FACE PLANT into my electrical totes and. . .

SHOES ARE EVERYTHING!

Burning Man Essentials: Footwear

The first rule of the playa is DON’T BRING ANYTHING TO THE PLAYA THAT YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO DESTROY.

Don’t buy designer clothes.

Don’t wear designer jewelry.

Playa dust gets everywhere and it DESTROYS things.

The only notable exception to this is YOUR SHOES.

Wear good shoes. Your feet will thank you after a day of walking and biking and a night of dancing.

Don’t wear flip flops.

Your feet will be destroyed.

Or at least if you do wear flip flops, wear them a limited amount of time and treat your feet with lemon juice or vinegar after (acid to counteract the alkalinity of the playa).

I personally like boots. They protect my feet from the dust and they look stylish.

My current pair of boots is a men’s size 7 Trashville by Demonia boot.

It’s perfect for the burn.

Here are some shoes you can peruse to find a style that you like and want to wear on the playa:

Contains affiliate links.

Save

SUPER SLUTTY SHOES

I took my second Lap Dance class this Thursday with my imaginary boyfriend.

Once again, it was me in a room with several scantily clad ladies.  The instructor wore a g-string.  Sometimes I just sit in class and let myself be amazed by the beauty of the women around me.

We practiced our routine.  By now we had the beginning part down.

  • Lay your “boyfriend” on the bed.  Prop up his head so he can watch you.
  • Start out by doing a little routine against the wall.  Don’t forget to open your legs. 😉
  • Go to the bed and play with your “boyfriend.”
  • Don’t forget to SMEAR your body against his.  SMEAR. SMEAR. SMEAR. I love that word.
  • Rotate your body to give him a side view.
  • More smearing. Do it slowly.
  • Rotate your body to give him the back view.  Nice.

And that’s where we stopped.  And somewhere in this whole routine, I realized that my shoes were not nearly as sexy as everyone else’s.  I realized that in order to be an effective lap dancer (or at least to look the part), I needed to get a new pair of shoes.  So I went online and bought these puppies.

And I can’t really describe how happy these ridiculous shoes make me feel.  But I do know that there’s something about their absolute frivolity that appeals to me and resonates with my inner diva.

Giving in

Life is too short to wear comfortable shoes, I’ve always said.

Thus, my closet is packed with about 100 pairs of heels, sky high boots, and glittery sandals.

It’s hard to find a pair of sneakers.

I do have a pair of Chuck Taylors.

And two pairs of running shoes.

Which is why it pains me to admit that I broke down and bought comfortable FLATS for my closet.

I just couldn’t take it anymore – walking in to work, balancing on delicate heels, trying not to break an ankle and turn into a yard sale.

My friend Barbara should be THRILLED.

She wears nothing but Tiek flats and she LOVES them.

You better love them if you’re spending over $300 a pair, is what I say!

I did not buy Tieks.

No, instead I bought a few pairs which I think will fit my unnaturally wide feet.

We’re not talking Hobbit-wide feet, just slightly wider than average.

Thus, these new pairs will be joining my closet in a week and will become staples for my wardrobe accessories.

I just can’t wear heels ALL DAY LONG anymore.

It hurts.

I give up!

Full disclosure: This MAY have something to do with me tripping TWICE in my black heels after a long day at work and literally almost RIPPING MY LITTLE TOE OFF MY RIGHT FOOT in the process.

Flats? Click. Buy.

You don’t mess with my shoes

I didn’t mind gaining a little weight.

My boobs got bigger. . .

My stomach got a little softer. . .

My curves for a little more curvier. . .

What’s not to love about a little weight gain?

Well, diabetes for one.

High cholesterol for another.

And thirdly there’s join pain.

None of those things are fun and all of them can lead to long term health implications.

Things I don’t want to deal with for sure.

Sure, I am still fun in the sack (at least I used to be before I started this damn sex diet), but I have to say I’m not thrilled with the side effects of weight gain.

Of course, I wasn’t thrilled with being labeled pre-diabetic.

And I wasn’t happy to have elevated cholesterol.

And finding out that I had high blood pressure wasn’t fun either.

But I wasn’t convinced I needed to go on a fucking diet until my shoes stopped fitting me.

Yes.

You can fuck with my cholesterol. You can fuck with my dress size. But the minute you fuck with my shoe collection YOU ARE OUT!