Breathless

I’ve fallen in love.

Yes, I have.

It’s such an easy thing for me to do.

I fall in love ALL THE TIME.

This handbag, for instance, caught my eye and I fell INSTANTLY in love with it.

The pistachio-caramel tropical scent of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream captured me as well:

But what I’m really hinting at, is this GORGEOUS red dress I found:

I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how much I love it!

It’s striking and I can’t wait to wear it in Florida and see The Swede get all flushed with excitement.

There’s nothing quite like a beautiful woman in a red dress now, is there?

Wearing red dresses is kinda my thing, as evidenced by this old picture of me with my friends going out for a night on the town:

And then there’s my custom-made velvet high school prom dress, inspired by Pretty Woman, which I wore to my college junior ball:

The bottom line is:

I LOVE RED DRESSES!

I can’t wait to steal someone’s breath away. . .

Not so fast, etsy

Honestly.

You do ONE SEARCH for a flower crown and suddenly etsy thinks you’re a BRIDE-TO-BE.

Not so, etsy.

Sorry to disappoint but there are no impending nuptials.

Honestly, I’ve always liked the feature in etsy which recommends products for you.

Most of the time, they get it RIGHT.

But occasionally, they get it really, REALLY wrong.

Like the time I bought a spiked leather collar for a dominatrix costume.

Nevermind if dominatrixes don’t wear collars.

This one looked mean and no one could come near me in it for fear of getting spiked!

Well, after I bought that collar, etsy sent me a shit ton of BDSM gear on their site.

Who knew etsy was such a resource for the alternative community?

Then, there was the time I bought statement earrings on etsy.

Big, pendulous and eye-catching, they were exactly what I needed.

Etsy thought I was a black woman and proceeded to advertise tribal prints, statement necklaces, and hair care products to me.

This time around, I searched for a flower crown to wear in Florida.

Sure enough, I found one.

But now etsy thinks I’m getting MARRIED!

If anything, I’m further away from taking vows than I was when I first got divorced.

Not for me, etsy.

Not for me.

Drat!

So my dresses finally arrived in the mail.

The first one was a yellow wrap around midi dress that was so lovely:

I put it on only to discover that it didn’t WRAP AROUND MY BODY.

There was this HUGE GAP where cleavage coverage should be.

I was literally falling out of the dress.

So it’s a no-go for Florida.

Then I tried on the other dress:

Sadly it too did not fit so well across my bust either.

These 38Gs are really causing problems!

So I’m back to square one.

I literally have NO DRESSES to wear to Florida and I’m panicking.

I need to go through my wardrobe and see what works.

Of course, all my summer dresses are buried behind all the winter dresses.

So it’s going to take effort and some maneuvering to check out what’s in my closet.

Tejas suggested that I wear this fishnet dress with my bathing suit:

But somehow, no matter how beach-appropriate it is, I just can’t see myself wearing it anywhere but the playa in Black Rock City.

Since I don’t have time to order online, wait for delivery and hope the dress fits, it looks like I’m going to have to shop the hard way. . .

. . . off the rack in a store.

Sigh.

We know how much I HATE that.

Maybe I can get Barbara to advise me where to go and what to try on.

She’s always fashionable and is good at shopping.

She’s the polar opposite of me.

I don’t want to set foot in a store and she can’t buy anything without touching it first.

Just what I need right now!

Shopping for the Burn

I’ve been on etsy.

Scoping out the site for some awesome new threads to wear at Burning Man.

And etsy never disappoints.

There’s always something there to tantalize me.

I bought a GORGEOUS peacock kimono:

It made me think of a dear friend whose favorite color is peacock blue so I’m going to build a whole outfit around this peacock kimono and wear it in her honor.

Then I bought these cool, cut-out booty shorts.

I got them because they’re versatile, breezy, and I’ve already got the nude thongs to wear with them.

LOL

My final purchase was a pair of stained-glass skull leggings.

Now, I’m not much of a skull person.

I sort of leave that to my sister – she’s got a large sugar skull tattoo on her left arm.

But I simply fell in love with this design.

I imagine I’ll pair it with some sort of crochet black tank top and call it a day.

I’m trying to keep my wardrobe for the burn down to a minimum because I’ve got to be very conscientious of how much I bring when it’s me riding in someone else’s car.

Swimsuits, shorts and tank tops will be my bread and butter when I’m out on the playa.

Oh!

My final purchase off of (can you believe it!) Poshmark (a vintage/used clothing shop which is questionably vintage/used clothes and more like a cheap Chinese clothes market) is a flames backpack.

So PERFECT for the Burn!

When Pinterest fails. . .

I LOVE Pinterest.

There’s nothing quite like having a board with all your links organized by theme on the internet.

Sadly, I’ve discovered some of those links no longer work after a few months or so and it becomes obsolete.

I have a Pinterest board with gift ideas for my family which is VERY outdated.

The links BARELY work.

But the ideas are still there.

So I’ve looked up my favorites in Amazon and am posting them here where I can have easy access to them.

Feel free to poach ideas from this list.

I am a master at giving fun, relevant gifts to friends and family.

 

I bought a custom mug for The Swede and he loves it.  Customize one for any beer lover. And let’s face it, who isn’t?! $22

My mom LOVES these little collapsible bags in fruit shapes and I do too. $13

There’s nothing quite like a letterpress calendar to make me swoon. $25

Boot socks!  Ingenious! $13

Get a journal for any budding writer (or blogger). $11

Galaxy socks.  Out of this world! $13

Sweet pajama top. $17

Cupcake maker.  For the sweet tooth. $27

Wine flight, for the wine enthusiast. $35

Perfect double highball.  Sturdy and tip resistant. $13

Chocolate covered apricots from Marini’s Candies.  Yum! $40

Perfect for the garage or man cave. $60

Wine aerator, for the wine aficionado. $22

Oh how I love amaryllis.  Gorgeous winter blooms! $19

Perfect hostess gift. $17

I have family members who would slay for this game. $29

My team, the Sloth Running Team $15

Release your inner pirate.  $17

Death Wish Coffee – quite possibly the STRONGEST coffee on the market?  Worth a try!  $20

Snarky, but who doesn’t love a little snark? $13

$35 for a deck of cards?  Yes, but look how BEAUTIFUL they are! $35

I love Princess Bride, don’t you? $22

The Discovery Channel’s Planet Earth Collector’s Edition.  Be amazed! $55

Know anyone who likes puzzles AND building this?  Then this. . . $39

Perfect holiday tablecloth for the ENTERTAINER $24

 

Sometimes I say the STRANGEST things

As it happens, online shopping may be a more EFFICIENT way of shopping, but it certainly leads to more debacles.

Case in point, my BROWN LATEX DRESS purchase.

And now, my burgundy mandala kimono purchase.

It arrived in the mail, after being sent all the way from China, I suspect.

I intended for it to be the feature item in this outfit for the burn:

However upon inspection, it was less BURGUNDY and more ORANGE.

And not like a sunset orange, more like a MECONIUM orange.

For those of you who don’t know, meconium is the substance that comes out of a baby when it takes its first poop. When this happens in utero, it stains the baby orange.

Not pretty.

So now I have a meconium orange stained mandala kimono to wear to the burn.

Not!

So I scrambled online (again).

Because I NEVER learn my lesson.

I used ShopStyle, a sort of warehouse for mainstream online fashion shopping, and found two kimonos which I felt would replace the orange one quite nicely.

Much better, no?

But I’ll tell you this:

I had to sort through a lot of yucky and boring looking kimonos in order to find what I was looking for.

And (lucky for me) I also found a nice pink kimono/robe to go with my Pink Burner Bunny outfit.

Because it might get cold in Sacramento for the Pagan Bunny Burn and if so, I will be appreciative of having another layer to keep me warm over my tutu and corset.

You probably don’t know this, since you don’t wear a tutu with a corset unless you’re a ballerina (or a burner) but they’re actually NOT THAT WARM!

Sometimes, I say the STRANGEST things. . .

Don’t Hate

I know it’s crazy to say this so early in the season.

It’s not even Thanksgiving yet.

But I’ve managed to complete all my Christmas shopping ALREADY.

Can I tell you how satisfied it makes me feel to have all my shopping done?

REALLY SATISFIED.

Like in ways that make me happy ALL THE WAY DOWN TO MY BONES.

I’m insane like this.

The instant my birthday passes, I’m buying up gifts and presents for my loved ones.

I LOVE GIFTING!

It’s my favorite part of the whole holiday (besides the Christmas music).

There is nothing better than seeing the look on my sons’ faces when they open a gift and get all excited.

I know it’s obnoxious of me to be this thrilled with the holidays, but I can’t help myself.

It’s like I’m high and won’t come down until after New Year’s.

Did I mention I also get two weeks off at work for the holidays?

Yup.

Two whole weeks of freedom, sleeping in, and socializing!

If I’ve annoyed you with this post, don’t worry. I do have a confession to make:

Although I’ve bought my Christmas and Hanukkah cards, I don’t have them ready to mail yet.

Gasp!

I know. But nothing says “I’m insane” like sending out your holiday cards BEFORE Thanksgiving, right?

If I could get away with it, you can be sure I would do it.

So have a lovely holiday season.

I hope you’re enjoying it at least half as much as I am!

Etsy LOVE

It comes as no surprise to ANYONE that I LOVE etsy.

Just like that, in ALL CAPS.

It’s my favorite shopping site on the internet on account of I’m a wierdo and a freak and etsy has lots of weird and freaky shit.

We were MFEO (made for each other).

So I killed about 4 hours looking through 250 pages of “Burning Man Accessories” on the site today and here’s the top 12 I found, in no particular order:

Way awesome sunglasses!  I can practically see some 20 something year old hot guy in spandex wearing these and ROCKING THEM!

Dude!  Retro goggles!  Love the wrap around look and vintage feel!  Would look totally cool on the playa!Tribal clothing.  Love the faux fur and the cloth strips hanging down.  Feather could be MOOPY so watch out!Fuzzy bike seat cover!  Totally awesome.  I’d love to ride around the playa sitting on THIS!Feather Safari Bandit Mask – but not REAL feathers so it’s MOOP-approved!

I believe there’s a picture out there of a man wearing an ENTIRE MIRROR SUIT at Burning Man.  This is the more-affordable, less weighty option.

A bodychain with real gemstones.  Gorgeous.  Looks even better naked but can totally rock this look in my white wizard dress.

Lights are always an afterthought for me, depite how much Tejas drives home the concept of LIGHING YOUR FUCKING SELF UP!  This I love.  I can throw it on and go.  Darkward status avoided.

Because I’m a girl and I like girly things.  ‘Nuff said.

Very cool playa gift.  I wish I could make these and give them away.

Hair falls AND dread locks?!  OMG, perfect.  Real hair is overrated on the playa and looks like a rat’s nest after only 6 hours.  Go with the fake shit!Well, I love these pasties but they’re glitter so they’re a BIG NO-NO on the playa.  Still, had to show them off!

Tell me which ones you like. . .

All these images link to their webpage on etsy so if you’re inspired to buy, go ahead!

My blog contains no affiliate links.

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Glamping

I love to camp, which is ironic considering my parents never took me camping.

My father actually thinks it’s a ridiculous past time.

Little does he know.

My first camping trip was with my friends Albert and Barry and my then BFF (now sister-in-law) Robin when I was in college.

I got busted for posing topless in the water, I remember.

In any case, I’ve sold my tent trailer Dolly so it’s time to pull out my super big Insta-tent Pete for UnSCruz.

The one thing I’ve never mastered with respect to camping is how to keep it cheap.  I know camping is SUPPOSED to be cheap, but somehow I always fall woefully short of it.

For instance, I have $567.89 worth of groceries in my Safeway online cart [the one thing you should know about me is that I don’t go grocery shopping myself if I can help it].

That’s for 3 – 4 people and includes a case of beer, 750 ml of single barrel whiskey, 750 ml of fine rum, 3.5 L of vodka, 3.5 L of gin, and a 3L box of red wine.

LOTSA BOOZE!

It also includes dinners of steak and potatoes and spaghetti with meatballs in a homemade pasts sauce.

I can honestly say I EAT BETTER CAMPING THAN I DO IN REAL LIFE.

It’s because I have all this time on my hands to plan things out and work on them.

And as if the food and drink isn’t enough, I’m planning a little surprise for my campmates:

A Bloody Mary bar with all the fixings!

But why stop there?

I figured out I could also make Aviator cocktails, Gin fizzes, Mimosas, French 75s, and Screwdrivers with just a few extra ingredients.

Have you heard of Amarena cherries?

OMG, they’re heavenly little spheres of happiness and make a delicious finish at the bottom of an Aviator cocktail!

Of course, all these cocktails require accessories:

  1. Measuring glasses
  2. Bar spoon
  3. Cocktail glasses (acrylic)
  4. Champagne flutes (acrylic)
  5. High ball glasses (acrylic)
  6. Plates and bowls to put the fixings in
  7. Tray for display purposes
  8. Stainless steel cocktail shaker
  9. Skewers
  10. Ice buckets

And OH SO MUCH MORE.

To the tune of $327.85 in my Amazon basket.

Of course I haven’t BOUGHT anything yet.

I’m waiting to see if my inner Martha Stewart/ Type A/ Overachiever settles down a little.

It also occurred to me that I could go to Goodwill to get all my accessories.

But that would require me to shop.  In a store.  In person.

And we all know I JUST DON’T DO THAT!

Camping at Stanislaus with my friends and my dog Mac (RIP sweet boy)

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Pollock Pines Trip

It took Duncan and I 4 hours to get from the South Bay to Pollock Pines but when we got there it was nothing but fun from start to finish.

To begin with, my son had been BEGGING me to go up there so he could ride his new dirt bike with the boys – Nick, Travis, and Uncle Donald.

We unloaded his dirt bike and then begged with family until bed time.  Aunt Stacey and Jennifer had stories to tell to keep up entertained and I ate them up.

In the morning, my normally lazy son got himself out of bed and took off with the men to go clear some areas around the house.  You’ll remember there was a devastating forest fire several months ago that ravaged Pollock Pines and came within a few feet of my uncle and aunt’s property.

While the guys were out working, the girls were out shopping – Aunt Stacey, Jennifer, Bella, and Nick’s girlfriend Caitlin.  We hit the Walmart in Placerville.

When we got back to the cabin, I started making pineapple upside down cake shots (courtesy of my friend Barbara’s recipe).  It’s cake flavored vodka with tropical pineapple juice in it.  Yum!  We did shot after shot.

Duncan fell in love with Louie, my aunt and uncle’s black lab and he held him like a lap dog and carried him around like a baby.

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 He even tried to sneak Louie in our car when we were heading home.

There was some ping pong playing.  A few people got hit in the face.  There was some dirt biking riding at midnight. Oh wait, no.  That got shut down by Aunt Stacey.  Thank goodness.

And finally on Sunday we all came together to cheer on Green Bay and watch them beat those sea chickens.  Sadly, that did not happen.  But at least it was a old game.

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And on Sunday the boys FINALLY got to burn.

All in all, a stellar weekend with my wonderful family. Love you guys!