Etsy LOVE

It comes as no surprise to ANYONE that I LOVE etsy.

Just like that, in ALL CAPS.

It’s my favorite shopping site on the internet on account of I’m a wierdo and a freak and etsy has lots of weird and freaky shit.

We were MFEO (made for each other).

So I killed about 4 hours looking through 250 pages of “Burning Man Accessories” on the site today and here’s the top 12 I found, in no particular order:

Way awesome sunglasses!  I can practically see some 20 something year old hot guy in spandex wearing these and ROCKING THEM!

Dude!  Retro goggles!  Love the wrap around look and vintage feel!  Would look totally cool on the playa!Tribal clothing.  Love the faux fur and the cloth strips hanging down.  Feather could be MOOPY so watch out!Fuzzy bike seat cover!  Totally awesome.  I’d love to ride around the playa sitting on THIS!Feather Safari Bandit Mask – but not REAL feathers so it’s MOOP-approved!

I believe there’s a picture out there of a man wearing an ENTIRE MIRROR SUIT at Burning Man.  This is the more-affordable, less weighty option.

A bodychain with real gemstones.  Gorgeous.  Looks even better naked but can totally rock this look in my white wizard dress.

Lights are always an afterthought for me, depite how much Tejas drives home the concept of LIGHING YOUR FUCKING SELF UP!  This I love.  I can throw it on and go.  Darkward status avoided.

Because I’m a girl and I like girly things.  ‘Nuff said.

Very cool playa gift.  I wish I could make these and give them away.

Hair falls AND dread locks?!  OMG, perfect.  Real hair is overrated on the playa and looks like a rat’s nest after only 6 hours.  Go with the fake shit!Well, I love these pasties but they’re glitter so they’re a BIG NO-NO on the playa.  Still, had to show them off!

Tell me which ones you like. . .

All these images link to their webpage on etsy so if you’re inspired to buy, go ahead!

My blog contains no affiliate links.

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Glamping

I love to camp, which is ironic considering my parents never took me camping.

My father actually thinks it’s a ridiculous past time.

Little does he know.

My first camping trip was with my friends Albert and Barry and my then BFF (now sister-in-law) Robin when I was in college.

I got busted for posing topless in the water, I remember.

In any case, I’ve sold my tent trailer Dolly so it’s time to pull out my super big Insta-tent Pete for UnSCruz.

The one thing I’ve never mastered with respect to camping is how to keep it cheap.  I know camping is SUPPOSED to be cheap, but somehow I always fall woefully short of it.

For instance, I have $567.89 worth of groceries in my Safeway online cart [the one thing you should know about me is that I don’t go grocery shopping myself if I can help it].

That’s for 3 – 4 people and includes a case of beer, 750 ml of single barrel whiskey, 750 ml of fine rum, 3.5 L of vodka, 3.5 L of gin, and a 3L box of red wine.

LOTSA BOOZE!

It also includes dinners of steak and potatoes and spaghetti with meatballs in a homemade pasts sauce.

I can honestly say I EAT BETTER CAMPING THAN I DO IN REAL LIFE.

It’s because I have all this time on my hands to plan things out and work on them.

And as if the food and drink isn’t enough, I’m planning a little surprise for my campmates:

A Bloody Mary bar with all the fixings!

But why stop there?

I figured out I could also make Aviator cocktails, Gin fizzes, Mimosas, French 75s, and Screwdrivers with just a few extra ingredients.

Have you heard of Amarena cherries?

OMG, they’re heavenly little spheres of happiness and make a delicious finish at the bottom of an Aviator cocktail!

Of course, all these cocktails require accessories:

  1. Measuring glasses
  2. Bar spoon
  3. Cocktail glasses (acrylic)
  4. Champagne flutes (acrylic)
  5. High ball glasses (acrylic)
  6. Plates and bowls to put the fixings in
  7. Tray for display purposes
  8. Stainless steel cocktail shaker
  9. Skewers
  10. Ice buckets

And OH SO MUCH MORE.

To the tune of $327.85 in my Amazon basket.

Of course I haven’t BOUGHT anything yet.

I’m waiting to see if my inner Martha Stewart/ Type A/ Overachiever settles down a little.

It also occurred to me that I could go to Goodwill to get all my accessories.

But that would require me to shop.  In a store.  In person.

And we all know I JUST DON’T DO THAT!

Camping at Stanislaus with my friends and my dog Mac (RIP sweet boy)

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Pollock Pines Trip

It took Duncan and I 4 hours to get from the South Bay to Pollock Pines but when we got there it was nothing but fun from start to finish.

To begin with, my son had been BEGGING me to go up there so he could ride his new dirt bike with the boys – Nick, Travis, and Uncle Donald.

We unloaded his dirt bike and then begged with family until bed time.  Aunt Stacey and Jennifer had stories to tell to keep up entertained and I ate them up.

In the morning, my normally lazy son got himself out of bed and took off with the men to go clear some areas around the house.  You’ll remember there was a devastating forest fire several months ago that ravaged Pollock Pines and came within a few feet of my uncle and aunt’s property.

While the guys were out working, the girls were out shopping – Aunt Stacey, Jennifer, Bella, and Nick’s girlfriend Caitlin.  We hit the Walmart in Placerville.

When we got back to the cabin, I started making pineapple upside down cake shots (courtesy of my friend Barbara’s recipe).  It’s cake flavored vodka with tropical pineapple juice in it.  Yum!  We did shot after shot.

Duncan fell in love with Louie, my aunt and uncle’s black lab and he held him like a lap dog and carried him around like a baby.

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 He even tried to sneak Louie in our car when we were heading home.

There was some ping pong playing.  A few people got hit in the face.  There was some dirt biking riding at midnight. Oh wait, no.  That got shut down by Aunt Stacey.  Thank goodness.

And finally on Sunday we all came together to cheer on Green Bay and watch them beat those sea chickens.  Sadly, that did not happen.  But at least it was a old game.

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And on Sunday the boys FINALLY got to burn.

All in all, a stellar weekend with my wonderful family. Love you guys!

A little illness I have that I like to call shopping for presents

I have a THING for picking presents out for people. So you can imagine how much I love the holidays and shopping for that perfect gift. I’ve done so well as far as picking out cool gifts that my “Gifts for Guys” pinterest board was featured in their holiday spread last year. You have to check out the nearly 600 pins I have there. Yes, they’re a mashup of my last three boyfriends, but that doesn’t mean they’re not good ideas. My work = your reward. Enjoy the browsing.

Here are a few links for some of the items I really like:

 

Yolo Buddha shirt. Because hey, it’s funny!

 

Awesome black shoes from Ralph Lauren. Wears casual but looks stylish.

 

For that lazy sleeper who just won’t get up. Albert, you know who you are.

 

For the beer lover (and who isn’t one?) just to say you have your own keg tap. In case you’re not Rick whose wife bough him his own.

 

Super cool set of bed risers with built in electrical and USB outlets. Awesome for those of us who take it to bed with us.

 

A flask in your shoe. What a great idea!

 

A black deck of cards. For the game lover who will look uber cool with this set of cards. And hopefully uber-lucky.

 

I have these. They’re awesome.

 

Perfect shirt for that guy who has an attitude. I’d get it for my son if it didn’t make me a bad mother.

 

Hand crank blender. People come running from all over the campsite at just the thought of a blended margarita. Guaranteed to make you the most popular people there.

Hotter than Hades

Just as a heat wave hits the Bay Area, my friends and I decide to don our most festive medieval garb and hit the Renaissance Faire in Hollister at Casa de Fruta.

First we had to endure the stares of the masses at breakfast…. All 7 of us – Richard, Janet, Kylie, Phil, Jeff, Deanna and myself.

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The ride to the Ren Faire was fun what with music from Garfunkel and Oates playing over the speakers. The Loophole is a song about anal sex (shhh). Specifically, it’s about a girl who made a pact to keep her hymen intact and doesn’t want to lose her boyfriend. Her loophole is her poophole. Yes folks, it’s a song about having anal sex for Jesus.

“Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus. It’s the sex that God can’t see.”

Okay, so it was a virtual laugh riot and we hadn’t even gotten there yet.

Once we arrived, we discovered we’d landed on the surface of the sun, with relatively appropriate temperatures. Suddenly, our petticoats, corsets, and tunics seemed way inappropriate.

 

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Nevertheless, we trudged around from shady tree to shady tree, making sure we hit the beer booth (Drynks) so frequently that I gave myself a headache.

We were a mischievous bunch, talking about all things from bunk to spunk to gulp to swallow. Incidentally, all titles of books.

My, don’t you have a dirty mind!

If you’ve never been to the Ren Fairs, imagine Disneyland in the Middle Ages, except without the walking cartoon characters. Instead they have the very formidable looking Queen and her entourage who looked stoic despite wearing three layers of velvet in 100+ degree heat.

There are booths selling all sorts of goods and services from face painting and hair braiding to pottery and clothing, all medieval of course. They even had a store selling glass dildos and butt plugs.

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We saw Men in Tights and Belly Dancers (with a male belly dancer, natch). We drank beer and shopped. All in all we had a great, albeit sweaty time at the Ren Faire.

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We stopped off at famous Dave’s BBQ in Gilroy. Tasty food was eaten by all. Although I deeply desired ribs, I ordered the salmon. Sigh. Healthier is not always tastier.

Our drive home we were supposed to listen to some funny songs which turned out to be sea chanties. And sea chanties and not funny… depressing and sad, but not funny.

By the end of the day my beer consumption had reached its maximum capacity and I found myself trying to lure myself into a sleepy coma to combat my dehydration headache. But I sure as hell went to bed feeling entertained and just a little bit lights (from all the moisture I lost sweating). Not swearing. Sweating.

I highly recommend taking a visit there with your friends to engage in a little debauchery!

 

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Internet Dating and Bargain Shopping

At first, these two things might seem to have nothing in common. Although an argument could be made for the similarities between dating and shopping…

When you shop, you put on a great outfit, and you head to the stores to find what you’re looking for – in the perfect size, color, style and price.

When you date, you put on a great outfit and you head to the places where people gather – restaurants, bars, etc. – and you look for your perfect man, in the right size, shape, and style and price.

But internet dating is different. With internet dating, there are a lot of free dating sites. So with minimal effort (a one sentence profile and one grainy selfie photo) someone could have a profile up online. Little effort + ease of set up = some less than stellar prospects. Internet dating is like bargain shopping…. You have to pick through a lot of trash to find anything worthwhile.

OMG… did I just say that?!

The sites I am on are Match, Ok Cupid, and Plenty of Fish (aka Plenty of FREAKS). None of these sites are remarkably expensive.

And the pool of men on each of these is remarkable skewed toward:

HEAVILY TATTOOED

“SOME” COLLEGE

And STRANGE FACIAL HAIR

 

I’m beginning to think that part of my success in the dating will either be from sheer luck because I just “happened” upon a decent guy (i.e. one that doesn’t want to send me video of him jacking off the first day I meet him) or because I’ve improved the dating pool.

And with 110 million adult singles in the US, that’s quite a pool to choose from.

Maybe I need to try It’s Just Lunch, or Table for Six.

I’m finally admitting that what I’m doing is not working well. In fact, it’s rather appalling.

So help me out here…. Know any good dating websites with educated, professional men on them? Wanna see me try some new sites?

Shoot me an email at michelle@unblunder.com