Dreams come true

If it had my druthers, I’d dress the Swede in three days of facial scruff and a bed sheet.

And TECHNICALLY you can get away with that at Burning Man.

But of course if The Swede wants to let it go a little bit and cut loose, I’ve been scoping out options for him.

First of all, he did wear outfits at unSCruz last year.

My favorite was the Viking helmet.

I love everything about it – the faux fur vest, the tattoos, the helmet.

But The Swede wants a more ACCURATE helmet, never mind that it will be HOT and HEAVY in the Black Rock desert.

Here’s what I found (to the tune of $300+ and shipping from Bulgaria):

Seriously, THE BOMB, eh?

Especially for a REAL LIVE (descendant of) Vikings!

Then, of course I found some shirts, vests, and shorts which I think would look great on him.  Of course I’d rip the sleeves off the shirt and leave it unbuttoned.

In exchange, I’m willing to unbutton my shirts too 😉

Ironically, the BEST place to shop for Burning Man clothes is secondhand shops.

I’d pay money to see The Swede decked out in Steampunk.

We’ll just have to see if my dreams come true.

Jelly

In my family, there’s something called a Zezza butt.

It’s a really nice ass, larger than most, but perky and round.

I’ve got a Zezza butt.

As does my cousin Jennifer and my brother Art.

We’ve even taken a picture of all our asses, lined up (I’m #2 in the lineup).

Not everyone likes Zezza butt, but they should.

It’s pretty awesome.

I recall one instance in fact when a very athletic burner requested that we fool around in his RV SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE HE WANTED TO SEE “DAT ASS.”

It has slowly dawned on me that some people like curvy women.

Some people like slim women.

And some people LIKE ALL WOMEN.

I’ve given up trying to hide my body, which will never look like Heidi Klum’s, and am working on embracing all that JUNK IN MY TRUNK.

Starting with buying some short shorts for the Burn.

Okay, I DID buy a pair of shorts a few weeks ago that were (optimistically) two sizes smaller than my current size.

I’ve now replaced those shorts with booty hugging, booty boosting, putting-it-all-on-display jean shorts.

Four pairs, to be exact.

That way I’m sure to find something I like.

No, I won’t look like Jessica Simpson in my shorts but fuck, I like my thick thighs.

And other people do too.

They feel just as good wrapped around a sturdy man as slim ones.

And stuffing all my jelly into a pair of Daisy Dukes just gives me a little thrill.

Hope it gives you a thrill too. . .