Mother of boys

I got sick this week.

This is notable for one reason:

It was an “All exits, no waiting” scenario.

And since there’s only one toilet and the exits are on opposite ends of me, I RUINED the bathroom.

First time this ever happened to me.

My guess is that I either caught the norovirus or I got food poisoning.

From sushi.

How awful is that?

I can’t even look at a slice of sake without feeling sick to my stomach.

The good news is I survived and I’m back at work.

The bad news is that it feels like I’ve been hit by a train.

Body aches up the wazoo. . .

Or OUT the wazoo, as it is in my case.

The worst part of it all, besides ACTUALLY being sick, is that I had an audience.

Round one: My youngest son watched me clean the walls in the bathroom and then TOLD ALL HIS FRIENDS ABOUT IT. He has also taken to calling me “Poopy McPooperson.”  So there’s that.

Round two: My oldest son watched me throw up in a garbage can and proceeded to tell me that it was happening to me because I wouldn’t buy him a $45,000 sports car.

That’s the kind of sympathy you get when you’re the mother of boys.

WOW!

So by now you all know I had a great time during my visit to Sweden.

What you don’t know is that I picked up a nasty virus on the plane ride home and I’ve literally been coughing so hard that I gag.

It’s simply awful.

I just got checked out by a doctor, since I was feeling so awful and barking like a dog, and she told me I don’t have the flu, I have RSV – a respiratory virus that runs its course in 1 – 2 weeks.

Fun!

Although I am relieved I didn’t pick up a virus on the plane ride over, that would have really SUCKED.

I flew on the Icelandic airline WOW Airlines.

For being a discount airline flying to Europe, they were remarkably well put together – they got me where I needed to be on time.

My sole view of Iceland was from the airplane flying in as I was heading home.

What does Iceland look like, you want to know?

Rocks and snow.

I’m afraid I saw nothing more than rocks and snow as we were flying in and even less of Iceland when we flew out, seeing as how the sun sets in the sky remarkably early in the afternoon at this latitude.

I must say this about Icelandic women, though.

Damn, they are BEAUTIFUL!

EVERY. SINGLE. FLIGHT. ATTENDANT. WAS. TALL. WILLOWY. AND. GORGEOUS.

So you know, if you feel like flying to Europe AND enjoying some eye candy at the same time, WOW is the airline for you.

Abstinence

Lately, my life has been a story of misfires.

I scheduled TWO dates with one guy and they BOTH got cancelled the day of.

And then there was another date where the guy told me he was too sick to show up 2 hours before we were supposed to meet.

Now he’s trying to reschedule, and I’m not feeling that generous.

The other guy?

The one who cancelled twice?

Well, he sent me a string a very sexy text messages which makes me think that if I DO reschedule with him, it better be after my abstinence stint is OVER.

I do not think I can trust him to not make a move.

Furthermore, I believe that if he does make a move, I will be helpless to resist.

Remember that I am voraciously hungry right now.

They say that the universe doesn’t give you want you WANT, it gives you what you NEED and right now, I guess I need to be alone.

No dates.

No temptation.

Just me and my solo act.

Ahem.

With the way the universe is working itself out for me, I wouldn’t be surprised if The Swede doesn’t make it to California in December.

Because he’s my loop hole.

My get out of jail card.

My hall pass lover.

I’m not attached to any outcome however.

I’m too old and I’ve learned too much to hold on tightly to what I want to have happen.

If it happens, nice.

If it doesn’t, too bad.

I believe in the wisdom of the universe and what it’s handing out to me right now is EXACTLY what I need.

Abstinence.

For my baby…

Gavin and MichelleMy youngest son has been having intestinal problems – mainly pain located in the right middle quadrant of his abdomen.

Poor baby!

He’s pretty much diagnosed himself with a ventral hernia because every time there’s pain, a little alien pops out of his abdomen and announces itself.

My son was in the E.R. the other night, getting it checked out and they found nothing.

But they did an ultrasound.

My son was hoping that the ultrasound tech would turn to him and say, “Well, it looks like you’re having a girl. . .” but no such luck.

The tech obviously did not have the same sense of humor as my son.

Anyway, analysis of the ultrasound has turned up “sludge” in my son’s liver.

I’m not exactly sure what “sludge” is but it’s not good because my son now needs to go in for more tests.

Theoretically, this could mean he has gall bladder problems that haven’t coalesced into gall stones.

That’s the good scenario.

In any case, I’m not much of one for prayers, but I’m asking for a little help here.

Send good thoughts our way and pray for a simple resolution to this health scare.

He’s an amazing kid and I want him to be happy and healthy and enjoying his life, not worrying about surgery, illness, or abdominal pain.

My mom’s not doing too great either with a possible breast cancer scare and so things are tense at the house as we wait for medical results to come in.

Good thoughts, all around!

Thanks!

To hot tub or not?

Today, I was invited to go hot tubbing with Jeep at Watercourse Way in Palo Alto.

Let me set the scene for you.

I’ve been sick for the past 3 days.  Jeep has come over and kept me company for two of those days, putting up with my Jimmy Durante voice, my runny nose, and my endless complaints.

All with a smile.

And a scalp massage.

Yes, I laid my head on him and he proceeded to give me a 30 minute scalp massage.

OMG AMAZING!

While I was complaining about being sick, I happened to mention that I wish I had a hot tub to sit in to help cook this bug out of me.

So of course Jeep arranges for a hot tub for me.  But not just any hot tub… a hot tub ROOM in Watercourse Way complete with steam, sauna, cold plunge, and… gulp… bed

Now, I’ve been to Watercourse Way twice before.  And both times I hit home runs in those hot tub rooms.  There’s something about me and water that just turns me into a complete wanton woman.

I told Austin 1 (and here and here) about my invitation.

“Oh dear.  I might get laid,” I pointed out.

“I hope so!  I think you’re going to explode if not,” he replied.

So what do I do?

Well, at first I declined the invitation.  Then I realized I was declining the invitation for the wrong reasons and I’d actually love to sit in a hot tub with a friend and relax.

So I accepted the invitation.

I’m taking bets on whether or not I’ll be naked or wearing a swimsuit.

What’s your vote?