Privacy

Yesterday my privacy was violated.

Someone logged into my Facebook account and looked at pictures that were supposed to be private.

Ones that I had filtered from the public and friends.

Not nude pics, but close to nude pics.

Tasteful I thought.

This person then got upset and offended and proceeded to tell my mother that I needed an intervention. That I was out of control.

Nudity bothers me less than the average American. In that respect, I am less mainstream and more on the fringe.

My mother then proceeded to unload on me all her imagined “sexual trespasses” that I had “committed” in her mind.

According to her, I sleep with every man I go on a date with.

This is ironic. I can point to many men I’ve dated way more than just one time who I have never slept with.

I do the best I can to share intimacies with men who I feel have the possibility of developing into something more.

In some cases, I am right – like with Luke and Jay – and I wind up in 18 month relationships.

In other cases, I am wrong – like with The Israeli – and I wind up ghosted with a face full of cum.

I rarely spend the night and I don’t have sex at my house.

These are the rules I have.

As a 43 year old woman, I don’t think I need to justify my sex life to my parents and it’s a shame that they are all up in my business about it.

It hurts that someone felt the need to spy on me, but what hurts more is knowing that my parents have a flawed and skewed image of me in their heads.

According to my mother, I am a slut.

Sigh.

That woman has never been comfortable with my sexuality.

There is no great insight I have here.

I’m rather confused and hurt about the whole experience.

And it’s ironic that all this is happening at a time in my life when I’m focused less on dating and more on friendships.

Yes, you read that right.

I’m settling down.

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F*ck that!

michelleI got my first internet troll hating on my blog today.

Some woman from Albania who had numerous critiques of “Western women.”

Basically we’re all horn dogs giving out sex right and left then wondering why men don’t take us seriously.

[As if being taken seriously should have anything to do with our sex lives.]

In any case, she tried to slut shame me and even used that word – slut – to try and make me feel bad.
Did it work?

Not fucking likely.

First of all, the last thing I’m going to do is let a woman in Albania who has NO IDEA who I am to take my blog posts and turn them against me.

My posts are a bit on the sexy side DELIBERATELY because I like being frivolous and light.

Lord knows there’s enough seriousness in my life to weigh me down.

Second, if I was a slut, I SURE AS HELL WOULD BE GETTING A LOT MORE ACTION THAN I AM.

And finally, I reject the idea that “western women” are obsessed with sex. I know MANY women who basically could live their lives without it and I dislike anyone who generalizes and stereotypes women in order to promote their own critique.

JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY IT DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE.

As a general principle I strongly object to slut shaming. I think women should have as much freedom in their sex lives as men do without being treated like they’re diminished as human beings because of it.

Ms. Albania acts as if the best thing in the world is to have a man and not be single.

I disagree.

The best thing in the world is to have a man (or woman) who you connect with.

I don’t connect with everyone on that level.

Not everyone is a kindred spirit.

And that’s okay.

I can enjoy their company any way I want EVEN if that includes having sex.

If that makes me a slut in some people’s eyes, so be it.

I refuse to let a stranger tell me that my value is measured solely though my pussy and how tightly I let the norms of men rule over it.

Fuck that.

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Slut

slutI never thought I’d be one of THOSE women.

The women who entertain more than one lover.

But the fact of that matter is that I am.

There is a small, selective group of men who I have as lovers.

Marina calls it “The Stable” and I think that according to her, every single woman needs a well-stocked stable of men to keep her busy.

I remember in college feeling SUPER SLUTTY when I had sex with two different men during the same weekend.

Shocking!

But now, there are these men who I go out with, who I have affection for, but whom I don’t bring over for Christmas and holiday dinners and yet we sleep together.

They’re good friends as well as lovers.

And, you know, they keep me busy while I wait for The One to come along.

Heaven knows it’s taking a LONG ASS TIME.

Can’t be a slut even when I try

First of all, let me say that when I say slut, I mean a sexually-active, sexually-forward woman who embraces her sex life.  I don’t mean it in the negative terms we tend to associate with it.  For slut shaming read this article.

Here are some statistics on my slut status:

In 6 weeks I have tried to have sex with 2 men a total of three times.

I have been successful zero times.  Once because there was no condoms and twice because of equipment failure.

Which just makes me wonder why, as a hot-blooded American female I can’t seem to find men to have sex with.  Or why when I do find a man I like, the equipment doesn’t work.

It’s like a conspiracy against my sex life.