Unsolicited advice

I have a 19 year old son.

He doesn’t work.

He doesn’t go to school.

What he does do is come into my room after work to tell me to delete my Instagram photos and/or make my account private.

“Why can’t you be a NORMAL mom,” he whines.

“You should go to work, come home, have a cocktail, and STAY AT HOME,” he tells me.

Fat chance.

This is the same son who showed me a video of him and four of his friends pointing assault rifles at each other in a sort of Looney Toons showdown saying, “Survival of the fittest, mom.”

Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to take life advice from a kid who thinks that pointing a gun at his friends is an acceptable form of entertainment and VIDEORECORDS THE WHOLE THING.

The elevator isn’t reaching the top floor, methinks.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces.

He’s a snuggly, charming, and entertaining son who tells me every day that he loves me.

He’s just got a ways to go before I’ll think of him as a man instead of a boy.

And I’m not taking life advice from a kid who thinks that living life in the mainstream is the only proper and correct way to live a life.

I prefer to stay off the beaten path, thank you very much!

This mama’s going to do things her own way.

Good Company

For the better part of last week I considered not going to Burning Man.

Yes, my son is the reason for this contemplation.

I know he’ll be fine.

And I know he’s going to be busy with his friends paying me no attention whatsoever, but still.

He’s my baby.

Truth be told, I’m not worried about him as much as I’m worried about me.

This whole head surgery business has got me stressed out (unsurprisingly).

I’m having trouble sleeping.

My anxiety levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

And overall, I feel a little unbalanced.

Not EXACTLY the best mental state to be in when going to Burning Man.

I could literally lose it on playa and be a burden to my campmates.

And that’s not cool.

In 2016 I went to Burning Man a little off center and by the time it ended, I was a bitchy little thing.

That’s what 12 days in the desert will do to me apparently.

Even though I’m only looking at 10 days in the desert this time, I’m still nervous about holding it all together.

Burning Man is a seething cauldron of emotions and excitement.

Adventure and relaxation.

You never know what will bubble to the surface.

In the end, I decided that I will go to the Burn this year.

Not because I’m feeling better or have a better handle on my mental health going in, but because I figure I won’t be the only person going to Burning Man a few cans shy of a six-pack.

I’ll be in good company!

 

Update on my son

Well, lately good things have been happening.

First, we found out that the lump on the back of my son’s head is simply a dermoid cyst, a benign saclike growth present since birth created by leftover embryonic cells.

Of all the things that it could be, this is the best.

Then, there was a question of how much the cyst was growing into his skull.

If there was significant growth, then he’d have to get part of his skull removed along with the cyst.

This type of surgery requires a neurosurgeon.

Well, yesterday we found out there is no involvement of the bone.

Meaning, my son has a benign growth that can be removed without any removal of his skull.

Woop woop!

The neurosurgeon is still going to perform the surgery on account of the cyst’s location on the back of his skull, but theoretically a pediatric surgeon could perform the surgery.

Of course, no surgery is without risk.

Especially one that involves general anesthesia.

And there is the risk of blood loss since surgery on the head is usually accompanied by significant bleeding.

So in all likelihood, we will need to donate blood for his surgery.

But no cancer.

No bone loss.

And for this I am truly thankful.

Scared

My youngest son visited the doctor yesterday.

He has a lump on the back of his head that has been slowly growing.

It is now 3 cm by 4 cm.

Not tiny, to say the least.

I, thinking it was a lipoma, was nonchalant about the whole thing.

Well, as it turns out, it MAY be a lipoma or a cyst but it may also be a brain tumor.

This, from the doctor.

My son now needs to get a scan to determine if his brain and skull are involved in this growth.

If they are, then a neurosurgeon has to operate on him.

It’s not a simple surgical procedure.

You can imagine, I am a little worked up about this.

To the tune of two cocktails a night.

It’s not every day a doctor tells you that your son might have brain cancer.

And just when I got over my own gynecological cancer scare.

WTF is happening?

The WORST part of all this is that the scan has been set up for A WEEEK FROM NOW.

Which means I have to survive a whole week carrying around this fear.

So, if you can, spare a thought for my little one.

Even though he’s not that little anymore.

We could use some good mojo.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to my baby

I have been pregnant 6 times.

The fifth pregnancy resulted in this OUTSTANDING human being whom I love very much:

It’s not all that often that I talk about my youngest child.

He is by far the sweetest, sassiest, most sensitive of my boys and I’m so lucky I get to be his mom.

Happy 16th birthday Gavin!

Now learn to drive!

Mom to the rescue

So there I am, relaxing on Waikiki Beach, getting my sun on when all of a sudden my sister hollers for me.

“MICHELLE!”

I turn to look at her.

She’s reclining in the shade of a banyan tree, avoiding the sun, which is exactly what I SHOULD be doing but AM NOT.

“WHAT?” I yell back.

She points to the banyan tree.

Standing in the banyan tree, about 15 feet up in the air, is my son Duncan.

He’s gone and gotten himself STUCK UP A TREE IN HAWAII.

I snickered.

Time to rescue my almost-18-year-old son who thinks he’s so grown up.

This is not the first time I’ve saved his butt.

There was that time he went snorkeling among speedboats in Tahoe.

And pretty much his ENTIRE childhood I spent keeping him on a leash because he liked to walk into traffic.

So this was nothing new to me.

“Please don’t break anything,” I said to him when I got close.

We walked over to the side of the tree he had climbed up and he proceeded to jump down and. . .well, see for yourself.

Just so you know, no matter how grown up they are, they still need a mother.

Primp

When my youngest son came out at age 12, I was supportive.

I’d always suspected that he was gay so the surprise wasn’t that he came out, but that he had the PRESENCE OF MIND to know himself at age 12.

He is an amazing human being who possesses such kindness and compassion for others that I get a little weepy just thinking about it.

He wants to be a veterinarian.

Now, as a mother of two boys, I don’t get the opportunity to do girl things very much.

I get mani/pedis with my sister-in-law and my girlfriends on occasion.

But that’s about it.

So you can imagine my happiness when I discovered that my son has a penchant for personal care.

He mixes shampoos to get the exact fragrance he wants his hair to have.

And he uses face care products to improve his complexion.

I recently went on a spending spree and bought a bunch of skin care products including some Korean face products like sheet masks, sunblock, and CC creams.

Just to try, you know.

I knew it wouldn’t take much coercion to convince my son to try a new clay mask with me.

This Milky Piggy Carbonated Clay Mask by Elizavecca:

mud maskIt’s AWESOME!

Leaves your face feeling clean and fresh.

Add a little moisturizer after and you’re set.

So my son and I put on the mask and it bubbled until it tickled our noses.

He said I looked like SHREK.

I said he looked like a hairy WEREWOLF.

IMG_9912In the end, I had a great time and it was a lovely bonding experience with my son.

Therefore I wasn’t surprised when I woke up to this message on my phone.

FullSizeRender(1)He apparently found the pack of sheet masks that I bought.

“Mine?” he asked.

“I’ll share,” I replied.

That’s my boy!

For my baby…

Gavin and MichelleMy youngest son has been having intestinal problems – mainly pain located in the right middle quadrant of his abdomen.

Poor baby!

He’s pretty much diagnosed himself with a ventral hernia because every time there’s pain, a little alien pops out of his abdomen and announces itself.

My son was in the E.R. the other night, getting it checked out and they found nothing.

But they did an ultrasound.

My son was hoping that the ultrasound tech would turn to him and say, “Well, it looks like you’re having a girl. . .” but no such luck.

The tech obviously did not have the same sense of humor as my son.

Anyway, analysis of the ultrasound has turned up “sludge” in my son’s liver.

I’m not exactly sure what “sludge” is but it’s not good because my son now needs to go in for more tests.

Theoretically, this could mean he has gall bladder problems that haven’t coalesced into gall stones.

That’s the good scenario.

In any case, I’m not much of one for prayers, but I’m asking for a little help here.

Send good thoughts our way and pray for a simple resolution to this health scare.

He’s an amazing kid and I want him to be happy and healthy and enjoying his life, not worrying about surgery, illness, or abdominal pain.

My mom’s not doing too great either with a possible breast cancer scare and so things are tense at the house as we wait for medical results to come in.

Good thoughts, all around!

Thanks!

I’ve got friends in low places…

garthGuess who is going to see Garth Brooks.

Go on… guess!

It’s me, that’s who!

My friend was getting rid of his tickets and offered them to me at face value.

Wha?!

I thought this would be the PERFECT gift for my ex husband (who is a HUGE country music fan) and my oldest son to go see a country legend perform close to home in San Jose.

So I gifted my ex with the tickets.

Problem is, he’s going to see Garth the night before.

So my oldest son said he’d take me.

OMG!

Happy mommy!

So if you can believe it, I’m going to see Garth Brooks on November 14th with my oldest son on a weekend when my ex has the boys.

Aren’t I lucky!

I swear things are looking up for me now that I’m putting in the work to improve my life.

Yee haw!

Hula hoop ain’t easy

hulaI bought myself a LED hula hoop.

Basically, there are tricks and moves you can do to with the hula hoop to make light patterns in the dark that will entertain an audience.

I stood in my front yard and gave it a whirl.

The hula hoop dropped to the ground.

I gave it another shot.

Same result.

I kept at it for a good 20 minutes.

At best, I was able to make 3 rotations with the hula hoop before it hit the ground.

Clearly, I am not skilled at hula hooping.

I remember clear as day hula hooping as a child.  What has happened between now and then to make me lose my skills?  Ohhhhh, that’s right.  I had kids.  And my core muscles aren’t what they used to be.

Also, I think I was hula hooping back and forth and not side to side.  Wrong motion = no hula hoop.

As I stood there, feeling humiliated, I had the distinct thought, “I’m glad no one is watching.  This is so embarassing!” Only to turn around and see my 15 year old son standing there, a grin on his face.

“Here, let me try,” he said.

I handed him the hula hoop and sure enough, he slipped it around is waist, gave is a whirl and…

…. it dropped to the ground.

Vindication my friends.  That’s what this is all about.