Sour toes

I know we all have our kinks.

I happen to like sniffing neoprene AND wearing black vinyl lingerie.

Scuba diving turns me on.

And my lingerie drawers are filled with slippery black undergarments.

I know we are helpless to resist our kinks.

Put me in a surf shop and you will eventually find me standing among the wetsuits.

Huffing them.

I’ve been on enough weird dates to definitively say there are men out there with unique kinks.

Squashing.

Toe sucking.

Wearing ladies’ panties.

But honestly, when I was text messaged by someone asking me if I wore flat shoes and had stinky feet he could sniff until he passed out, I was a bit floored.

No. . .

I suppose it’s not much different than me huffing neoprene, but the idea of sniffing someone’s sour smelling toes DOES NOT SOUND GOOD.

Having my feet ticked might appeal to me.

I am very ticklish and I have big feet so I’m sure I’d be a dream for someone to tickle.

And laughter is an aphrodisiac, so it’s feasible I could really get turned on.

But stinky feet?

No way.

I’d rather chew on a piece of tinfoil while shaving my head with a cheese grater.

Sour toes

I know we all have our kinks.

I happen to like sniffing neoprene AND wearing black vinyl lingerie.

Scuba diving turns me on.

And my lingerie drawers are filled with slippery black undergarments.

I know we are helpless to resist our kinks.

Put me in a surf shop and you will eventually find me standing among the wetsuits.

Huffing them.

In my day, I’ve met men with unique kinks.

Squashing.

Toe sucking.

Wearing ladies’ panties.

But honestly, when I was text messaged by someone asking me if I wore flat shoes and had stinky feet he could sniff until he passed out, I was a bit floored.

No. . .

I suppose it’s not much different than me huffing neoprene, but the idea of sniffing someone’s sour smelling toes DOES NOT SOUND GOOD.

Having my feet ticked might appeal to me.

I am very ticklish and I have big feet so I’m sure I’d be a dream for someone to tickle.

And laughter is an aphrodisiac, so it’s feasible I could really get turned on.

But stinky feet?

No way.

I’d rather chew on a piece of tinfoil while shaving my head with a cheese grater.

Tonight you’re doing me with my boots ON

From February 2008

I have two pairs of UGG boots (made trendy by P@m Anderson). Why do I have two pairs?

pugg

Because when the first pair got too stinky to wear – when I could smell the odor of my feet standing up – I decided it was time for a new pair.

I knew the second pair was getting too smelly to wear when I was in bed with my ex-boyfriend Jason. Not surprisingly, he threw my legs over his shoulders, paused a moment, then continued with the action.

Then it hit me… the odor of my feet. I was immediately appalled. I couldn’t let him smell my feet like this! I’m supposed to be glorious and perfect and FAR ABOVE stinky feet. I immediately fixed the situation by switching in to a position where my feet were as far away from our noses as possible (under the covers).

A few weeks later, I was wearing those UGG boots again. I was at home and not expecting company. Stinky feet are just fine when you’re only in your own company, right? Well, as luck would have it, Jason came over and I promptly announced:

If you do me tonight, we’re doing it with my boots on because my feet are STINKY.

Jason: I’m sure they’re not that bad.

Me: Oh yes they are. Remember that night when my feet were up by your ears and you folded me in half? Well, my feet stunk so bad I had to change positions. I never told you, but they smelled bad. Couldn’t you tell?

The look on his face said every thing. He more than smelled my stinky feet. The trauma of their smell left such an impression on him he can tell me the date and time and exact millisecond the offensive foot odor assaulted his senses.

I colored visibly with embarassment, but nevertheless had made my point.

Tonight. The. Boots. Stay. On.

And now, simply because I don’t want to give up my cozy, comfy, soft UGG boots (and in case any of you suffer from excessive foot odor), there are tips on how to get the stink out.

I can practically hear Jason screaming “HALLELUJAH!”