Survival

I survived 10 events in 10 days, but it wasn’t pretty.

I was so stressed out, I called my doctor and got a prescription for anxiety medication.

Yes, I’m one of those people.

The kind of person who checks and triple checks her orders before an event only to stress out because I’m sure something is going to fall through.

Like the linens.

I forgot to order linens because I thought that the tables I rented were finished.

Not so!

So the day before my event I was desperately calling party rental places trying to find 75 black linens.

Do you want to know how much it costs to rent 75 black linens for 3 days?

$1,400.

Yup.

That’s how big my event was.

We had 962 attendees.

It was IN-SANE!

Now that it’s over, my stress is slowly diminishing, although I’m certainly far from feeling normal.

I feel proud of myself for reaching out to my doctor and my family and friends when my mental health started to deteriorate.

It’s not easy to admit when you need help.

Anxiety can cripple a person, and when you’re dealing with 962 people, each of whom has a million questions and requests of you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

But I made it.

And this morning, I got this:

They love me.

They really love me.

 

P.S.  I was hoping they were from a man, but alas they’re just from colleagues.

Relief

My son texted me from Arizona, midway on his trip to Missouri.

He looked ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE and as a mother, I wanted to get on a plane and make it all better for him.

Of course, there was nothing I could do.

Then, a few text messages.

One thing was clear, he was NOT HAPPY.

He was EXHAUSTED and BORED, waiting in the airport for his connecting flight to Missouri.

I began to worry about how he would handle boot camp, something clearly challenging for even the most mature of candidates.

Would he get enough sleep?

Food?

Camaraderie?

Would he physically excel or would it prove to be too challenging?

These are the thoughts that raced through my mind.

And not being able to hear from him?

Well, that made it all WORSE and I’m not going to lie.

I had trouble sleeping.

Then yesterday, a phone call from him.

And one that didn’t start with him saying to me, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

So I’ve relaxed, a little.

It’s not exactly what this momma bear needs to be happy again, but it provided a little needed relief.

Heaven help military families.

I’m just realizing now how hard it can be.

Stressed

The first thing you need to know about producing a “burner-esque” event in the Santa Cruz Mountains is that IT IS A LOT OF WORK!

It would be ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE without the help of a team of talented people helping to organize it.

I spent the better part of Wednesday pouring through emails, creating spreadsheets, picking up checks, and putting out fires.

It’s the last minute details that will get you.

The thing about burner events, is that nothing goes as planned.

Everything has a kink in it.

Which is STRESSFUL for someone who PLANS THINGS OUT for a living.

But yes, I must agree.

In my experience Burning Man is what happens when you plan something wonderful, and something extraordinary happens.

So TECHNICALLY, I shouldn’t be stressed.

Because no matter what I do, things will be EXTRAORDINARY!

But I’m stressed.

So stressed, I’m reduced to self medicating with alcohol.

Vodka lemonade, to be exact.

I’ll survive, I know I will.

It’s just being at the forefront of an event designed to entertain and enthrall guests that has me SUPER STRESSED OUT.

Do you think it’ll be easier next year????

 

Ch.. ch.. ch.. changes

My birthmom is moving away.

To Oregon.

She and my step-father have built a brand new home and will be moving in around June 19th.

I had no idea that this was going to happen so soon!

And let me tell you, I’m a little bit worried about having her so far away from me.

For the last twenty two years, she’s been no more than a 2 hour drive away from me.

Now she’ll be a 2 hour flight away from me.

I’m definitely having feelings about this but what they are, I haven’t a clue.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

How will I see her when she’s 600+ miles away?

Honestly, I never considered how it would feel to lose her.

I’ve been taking her presence for granted.

I haven’t seen her as much as I should have or visited as much as I wanted to.

And she’s always been there for me when I needed her.

Their new home is BEAUTIFUL and it’s selfish of me to want her to stay.

I know I’ll adjust.

I’m just saying, I’ve got FEELINGS about this and they’re not all roses and rainbows.

I feel like I’m being left behind.

And it doesn’t feel good.

The Swede and I

Okay.

So The Swede is coming to Burning Man.

So far.

That MIGHT change, but for now, it’s still in the stars.

And in order to prep myself to go to the playa, the land of temptation and pleasure, with someone I’m dating, I really want to read more about playa relationships.

Specifically, there was an article that was circulated around in 2015 – my virgin year – which outlined the stresses relationships go through on the playa and how to deal with those stresses, which I am trying to locate.

Without any luck.

That’s right.

I can find a fucking lavender and teal ombre party dress on the internet, but I can’t find this article, which I recall was fairly substantial.

So, considering the knowledge out there that all my burner friends have, what are your top tips on how to manage a relationship at the burn?

I mean obviously there’s “Make sure each of you has alone time.”

And “Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.”

But there’s got to be more to it than alone time and communication.

What do I do if he asks to go to the Orgy Dome?

How do I greet my friends if I can’t kiss them?

How do I politely ask him to get naked with me and go to the Saunadome?

How do I make sure I respect his boundaries during the burn?

And so many more questions!

So help me out and give me your suggestions.

I’d love to hear some ideas on how to manage a relationship on playa by someone who has actually done just that.

Screw Up

Okay, so I lost 13 pounds in three weeks then proceeded to gain 1 pound back.

Apparently you can’t binge drink beer on a pub crawl and expect to lose weight.

Who knew?

Anyhow, it’s not been an easy road these last two weeks.

With mom in the hospital and my anxiety/stress kicking into overtime, I’ve been eating (and OH GOD, DRINKING!) to comfort myself.

Sigh.

Fried chicken.

Pizza.

Gin and tonics.

MANY of them (followed by a sobbing call to the BFF to cry about my mom).

Thankfully, I seem to have recovered from my misdeeds.

I’m back on the diet, eating bars and sucking down protein shakes.

Occasionally I go off plan and eat an egg (or three) and pickles.

Oh, and boy do I love the occasional mozzarella stick!

I could fantasize about food for PAGES, but I won’t.

I know how you all think I’m perfect and this may come as a shock to you, but I fucking screw up a lot.

A LOT!

This blog ain’t called unblunder for no reason. . .

Therapy, my style

Ever since Trump took office, I’ve been plagued by anxiety and sleeplessness.

I have this tremendous fear about the direction he is trying to lead our country in.

Of course, not being able to sleep makes for lousy mornings and even lousier afternoons as I fight my post-lunch sugar crash.

As it turns out, there is a cure out there for what ails me and it doesn’t require Trump’s immediate impeachment (although that would be preferred).

It’s Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

Not Negan-style Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

No.

I don’t watch The Walking Dead.

I’m taking P.S. I Love You Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

Billy Gallagher – the sexy, walking-around-with-no-pants-on, Irish musician slash lake patrolman who “cleans Hilary Swank’s pipes” in the movie after her husband dies from a brain tumor.

THAT Jeffrey Dean Morgan is EXACTLY the therapy I need to fall asleep during a Trump Presidency.

Now.

I’m not above admitting that I *may* have added other accoutrements to the mixture in order to help myself relax and fall asleep.

But the magical element?

Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

You heard it here first.

jdm