Help me get my groove on

Every now and then, I stumble across something on the internet that thrills me.

Thunder Thighs by Miss Eaves is just that.

Speaking from the perspective of a thick girl who believes that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, I was tickled pink that someone wrote a song about something I like a lot.

A little jiggle.

Thus began the following playlist.

Tempo, by Lizzo:

MIKA’s Big Girl (worth it just to hear him sing, “Get yourself down to the Butterfly Lounge. Find yourself a big lady. . .”):

Just A Lil Thick by Trinidad James:

Strip, by Little Mix:

And Belly Bounce by Miss Eaves:

Got a song for thick girls?

I’ll include it in an updated post if you message me at michelle@unblunder.com.

Help me get my groove on.

Sexual Bucket List

Check out this sexual bucket list 50 Things to Try Sexually Before You Die.  The idea of having a sexual bucket list intrigues me It’s something I talked about with Austin, right before we checked something fun off my sexual bucket list. I’m no novice when it comes to experimenting in bed. I have a tame pre-marriage history but a wild history post-divorce. Turns out, I’ve tried almost everything on the list. So to save you time, I’ve pared down the list down to what’s worth it and what’s not.

Use a vibrator – Um, there are still people who don’t own one? Women! Get on the vibrator bus — if you’re not comfortable taking care of business alone (gasp), involve your partner. No straight man would say no to that kind of show.

Have sex in a car – Car sex can get a bit crowded, if not positioned properly. Recline that seat. If you’re self-conscious, pull into the garage and do it there.

Be tied up and tie someone up – Don’t be a sissy when it comes to getting tied. Tie like you want it to last. A blindfold can help calm nerves. Trust me. For more advanced moves, tie your partner down or let your partner tie you down. Hot. Sexy.

Read erotica – 50 Shades of Gray is crap. Read The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Ann Rice..

The mile-high club – Airline bathrooms don’t make me feel sexy. Unless it’s a private jet. I just don’t get this one.

Play strip war (the card game) – Strip war is for people who value their time and don’t have all night to get naked. Strip war gets the job done in a fraction of the time.

Learn to give yourself multiple orgasms – I’ve never been a multiple kind of woman. I’m perfectly happy getting quality over quantity. But knowing that there are women who are completely and physically able to orgasm multiple times, I’m willing to try to teach my body how to pop off 4 or 5 in a session.

Sex in the shower/standing up against a wall – The only man who ever successfully screwed me up against a wall was my ex Steve, who has a 56 inch chest. Showers can by fun, just keeps your wits about you since they are not just hot but slippery as well.

Sex on the beach… – Sand in your folds? Duh.

Whipped Cream – If you want to smell like cow farts, use real dairy whipped cream. It also turns into a puddle when it come in contact with body heat. I suggest Pixi Stix as a delicious and non-puddling alternative? It may still be sticky but at least it’s not stinky.

La Perla lingerie sex – If I spend $200 for lingerie, you’re not taking it off my body. All you can do is stare at me until your eyeballs fall out because let me reiterate: $200 for fancy knickers!

Frederick’s of Hollywood lingerie sex – Frederick’s is the slutty little sister to La Perla. I think we can all agree that if we put both lingerie options side by side, most people would choose the $14 crotchless panty sex over the $200 please-don’t-rip-the-fabric sex.

Feather Ticklers – QUICK, LOCK THE CAT OUT OF THE BEDROOM. Ouch.