Lucky for me

When I was a child, I had a little stammer.

It was pronounced enough that my parents took me to a doctor to get checked out.

The doctor thought that I’d grow out of it and he was correct.

But I was a painfully shy child, often hiding behind my dad’s legs and my mom’s skirts when there were new people around.

It takes me a while to make a good impression, I think.

I am not the only person who suffers from a little awkwardness.

That’s why alcohol makes such a good social lubricant for people:  it makes them a little less uptight and a little more relaxed.

Of course it also lowers inhibitions, so there’s a limit to how much is acceptable social lubrication.

I’m going to a party this weekend.

A friend is turning 50 and he’s celebrating with another friend in a socially-distanced backyard party.

It’s being hosted by a wonderful friend who is herself celebrating a birthday.

Two for the price of one!

It’s Scorpio season and I am flush with parties and online zoom get-togethers and I’m happy to report that all my social awkwardness seems to evaporate when I’m with my burner friends and family.

A kinder, more accepting group of people you will never find.

Lucky for me!

I’ll seduce you with my awkwardness

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Although I’m reluctant to say it, I have to admit that I’m awkward.

Yes indeed.

And those of you who know me personally know this to be true.

Ever have a really funny exchange with me where we wind up just staring at one another, not saying anything?

Or have you ever heard me make a strange joke in the middle of a conversation then laugh at myself painfully until my laughter dies out?

Growing up, I was an awkward child. I hid behind my father’s legs and only came out to socialize when I was forced to.

My shyness sprung out of a strange habit I had of stammering. My stammer was so bad I saw a speech pathologist for it.

Eventually I grew out of the stammer but the awkwardness… well, that remained.

My parents entered me in a speech contest my sophomore year in high school to get me over my shyness.

All this did was teach me how to FAKE NOT BEING SHY.

Despite my awkwardness I’ve managed to be quite successful at dating by simply thinking fast on my feet and coming up with topics of conversation as quickly as a comedian spits out a come back.

But if you really want to get to know me, then the best way is to write to me.

I’m best with texts and emails. In fact, some of my most passionate love affairs and great friendships started out via texting/email.

So forgive me my awkwardness. It’s not for lack of interest. Talking just isn’t the best medium for me to express myself.

What can I say?

I’m a writer.

It’s how I work.