Nope. Never.

So I’m swiping through Tinder when I come across something striking.

A man’s profile picture containing nothing but whips, gags, floggers, paddles, and switches.

I’m intrigued.

Who does this on Tinder?

There are better sites to go fishing for BDSM play partners, after all.

Like FetLife.

But okay, I’ll bite.

So I read his profile.

Sure enough, he’s an experienced dom and he’s looking for women who want to explore their submissive side with him.

And he’s into kinky sex.


I swiped left.


Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

That’s the nice thing about sowing your wild oats when you were younger – you have a better understanding of yourself, your likes, your dislikes.

Of course, I could always learn something new about myself, but I’m betting no.

If I’m going to explore new horizons, I’m going to do it through travel, or learning Swedish, or making new friends.

Maybe all three.

But hooking up with a Tinderized version of a dom?

No thanks.

Who’s The Boss?

Recently, I discovered an appreciation for men who are bossy in the bedroom.

I used to orchestrate all bedroom activities myself, basically choreographing the action. I seldom took into consideration the desires of my partner unless he was very vocal about it.

Call me young, naïve, and challenged in the communication department.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better at listening to the desires of my partner. And I’ve developed a hearty appreciation for men who are bosses in the bedroom.

My first real boss in the bedroom was my ex Dan. Dan and I had a power struggle our entire relationship as I desperately clung to the belief that I must be in charge. The few times I did give in to his wishes, I really enjoyed myself. I didn’t want to admit I could enjoy being submissive but I secretly longed for more of those moments.

I was reminded of my appreciation for toppy men during my tryst with Austin. Austin was the boss, no doubt. And it was so nice to leave the orchestrating to someone else and just follow directions. I do believe the phrase I chanted in my head was “Just say yes to Austin.” And that’s exactly what I did.

So am I looking for a bossy man in the bedroom? Well, I certainly appreciate a man who knows how to handle me. So I’m open to the possibility. I sort of like the tension that a power struggle creates. And there’s nothing so good as the creativity of both people pouring into the bedroom activities. Which is great since I’m unlikely to abandon my toppy ways completely. At least not until I know I’m in good hands.