Hooked

Each time I’ve gone to Burning Man – all two times – I’ve sworn that I’m never going back.

In 2016 I was motivated by a desire to improve on my 2015 experience.

In 2017, I’m motivated by the friendships I’ve established.

I didn’t know it at the time, but when I bought my first Burning Man ticket, I was baptized into a community of creatives, crazies, talents, artists, musicians, dancers, athletes and weirdos.

A large part of my social life is now dedicated to Burning Man events and people.

So much so, that I feel like a broken record when I go on dates or write The Swede emails.

Eventually, I always talk about Burning Man.

I can practically see some people in my family roll their eyes in their heads when I bring it up.

But I can’t help it.

It’s so much a part of my life that I wonder, “Can I actually establish a relationship with a man who ISN’T a burner?”

Well, there are lots of couples out there with mixed burner-affiliation – one is a burner, the other is a non-burner.

So the answer to that question is YES.

But there has to be a level of understanding and support for the burner.

I think it’s possible to be an honorary burner – to have never set foot on the playa and yet be a loyal supporter of Burning Man.

I know a woman who was integral in helping her husband develop a spinning teeter totter for the burn.

I know another woman who crocheted all sorts of cool outfits for her husband’s burn.

Going to Burning Man is like becoming a parent – there’s no way to fully understand it until it happens to you.

I don’t expect potential dates to understand what I’m talking about when I mention my Burning Man experiences, but I do hope it makes them curious.

And of course, I hope that given my passion for the event, that their curiosity translates into support for all my Burning Man activities and adventures.

Because somewhere between “I’m never going again” and “I could give it another go,” I’ve gotten hooked.

Totally, 100%, completely hooked.

Fashion Trend Disaster: The Bralette

I don’t know who came up with the idea that it would be a great idea to give women bras to wear as tops without any other article of clothing and call it a BRALETTE, BUT I THINK IT WAS A MAN.

Actually, I’m POSITIVE it was a man.

Because what better way to get your rocks off than watch women run around in bralettes with ABSOLUTELY NO SUPPORT WHATSOEVER!

It’s INSANE!

Do I sound irritated, because I am?

I just did a search for “Burning Man” on Pinterest and at least 75% of the clothing that was listed was these stupid fucking non-bra bralettes.

I can’t wear a bralette.

I can barely find a bra that fits which is why I often stuff the kittens into too-small bras that make them look like muffins sitting on my chest.

I say I’m a D cup.

My friend Barbara begs to differ with me. She says I am AT LEAST A DD.

Regardless of how big my tatas are, one thing is for sure:

If you see me wearing a FUCKING BRALETTE, at least half my boobs will be hanging OUTSIDE the bralette.

OUTSIDE.

As in so much side boob you’ll swear you’re seeing nipple.

And so much underboob you’ll swear you’re going down on me.

I suppose what I’m truly ranting about is just simply getting older.

No one really wants to see a 43 year old woman wearing a bralette unless she’s a fitness model or a former Playboy bunny.

So consider yourself safe. I will not be walking around in a bralette at Burning Man.

Not in this lifetime.

I may be walking around naked, however.

Rant over.