In the pale

I am a white girl.

And as far as white girls go, I’m on the lower end of the scale as far as melanin production goes.

I’m fair.

I am 75% Nordic/British Isles and 25% Portuguese.

I joke that this means that I burn easily, but can hold a tan.

It’s true though.

Every summer when I was growing up, I’d slather myself in baby oil and lay out at the pool for 30 minutes.

I’d get a wicked burn which would fade into a beautiful tan.

Those were the days (before skin cancer warnings).

Briefly, I went to the tanning salon and laid in their (cancer inducing) beds and got a lovely tan as well.

But no more.

I have to be good and take care of my skin.

So, I get spray tans.

Recently, I’ve decided I’m going to try to do it myself and I bought Cocoa Brown Tan Mousse and a pink velvet glove to apply it.

[Side note:  I’m sorely tempted to use the pink velvet gloves for bedroom activities and NOT self-tanner application.]

I want to be brown like the models we see in summer ads – all long legs and golden shoulders.

I know I can’t get their bodies, but it seems unfair to deny me their color as well.

I don’t want to be pale anymore.

I want to be TAN!

And with my trip to Burning Man coming up, it’d be nice to be more bronze goddess and less pale ice queen.

[Post script:  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I bought the darkest mousse on the market so I could turn out striped like a zebra!]

Chain reaction

The thing about putting together outfits for Burning Man is that one thing leads to another and before you know it, your $75 outfit suddenly costs $500.

First I buy a white open mesh bodysuit (undergarments not included) because I like it and it’ll strike a nice balance in my mostly black wardrobe.

Then I realize that I’ll be COMPLETELY naked under the bodysuit unless I buy something for it.

So I buy an iconic white string bikini.

Something every woman should have, if you ask me.

Then I realize I’m going to need a little coverage in all that sun, wearing only a bikini and a transparent bodysuit, so I purchase a white lace duster (aka beach cover up) to give me a little protection from the sun’s rays.

And in the process, I come across a really cool black kimono with a mandala design on the back which I simply MUST HAVE.

Then of course, I need to accessorize.

I have a white floral crown that was gifted to me by a bride at Burning Man 2017.

It lights up!

Some sort of necklaces and bracelets need to go with it, but I’m saving that splurge for later.

The MOST IMPORTANT accessory that’s needed when wearing swimsuits, in the wise words of my friend Dazzle! is a TAN!

Yes folks, I need a tan to pull off an all white outfit at the burn.

I daren’t lay in the tanning beds and get a real one lest I wind up with skin cancer.

So it looks like I’ll be hitting the spray tan salon again.

Get naked in front of a stranger and let them mist me brown.

So you know, when I calculate out the final cost of the outfit, it’s way more than the $75 I imagined I’d be spending.

It’s a chain reaction.

In the pale

I am a white girl.

And as far as white girls go, I’m on the lower end of the scale as far as melanin production goes.

I’m fair.

I am 75% Nordic/British Isles and 25% Portuguese.

I joke that this means that I burn easily but I can hold a tan.

It’s true though.

Every summer when I was growing up, I’d slather myself in baby oil and lay out at the pool for 30 minutes.

I’d get a wicked burn which would fade into a beautiful tan.

Those were the days (before skin cancer warnings).

Briefly, I went to the tanning salon and laid in their (cancer inducing) beds and got a lovely tan as well.

But no more.

I have to be good and take care of my skin.

So, I get spray tans.

Recently, I’ve decided I’m going to try to do it myself and I bought Cocoa Brown Tan Mousse and a pink velvet glove to apply it.

[Side note:  I’m sorely tempted to use the pink velvet gloves for bedroom activities and NOT self-tanner application.]

I want to be brown like the models we see in summer ads – all long legs and golden shoulders.

I know I can’t get their bodies, but it seems unfair to deny me their color as well.

I don’t want to be pale anymore.

I want to be TAN!

And with my trip to Hawaii coming up, it’d be nice to be more bronze goddess and less pale ice queen.

[Post script:  I’ll let you know how it goes.  I bought the darkest mousse on the market so I could turn out striped like a zebra!]

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