I’m in Reno and it’s FUCKING hot.
It reminds me that in just a few days, I’ll be sitting in the heat in the Black Rock Desert while I enjoy myself at Burning Man.
At least right now I can go into an air conditioned movie theater and watch a film.
Which is EXACTLY what I did. . .
I saw Mamma Mia 2 with my sister Lisa and I BAWLED MY BLOODY EYES OUT!
I must’ve cried at least a half dozen times.
We’re not talking about the kind of crying where your eyes fill up with tears and you have to dab at them to keep from crying.
No, we’re talking FULL ON UGLY KARDASHIAN CRYING where you sob audibly in the theater and wipe your nose and your eyes with the same tissue, oblivious to the fact you’re getting snot ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
That’s the kind of crying I did.
And when Donna finally appeared in the film. . . well, all I can say is that I get emotional even now (three hours later) thinking how lucky we are the Meryl Streep is still alive.
Of course I can’t even look at a Swedish flag without thinking of (and missing) my Swede, so the scenes with Bill only served to make me miss him more.
But here I am, back at my sister’s house, enjoying a gin and tonic with blood oranges, all puffy eyed and runny nose.
It’s been a while since I had a good cry.
As soon as I stepped outside the house, it hit me.
The overwhelming scent of fire.
One thing was clear: Something had burned during the night.
I drove to work and was walking to my building when I got a text from Barbara.
“Hope your family in Santa Rosa is safe.”
Was there a shooter? An earthquake? What happened?
I immediately called Barbara back.
“There’s fires in Santa Rosa,” she told me. “It’s bad.”
I immediately got on the phone and tried to reach my birth mom.
In my haste, I inadvertently walked into a crosswalk that was closed due to construction, incurring the wrath of a very tall, beet faced man.
He was waving his arms at me wildly.
I stepped out of the crosswalk but he continued to make wild gestures at me.
So this is how the day is going to go.
First, the fires, and now an angry construction worker.
I burst into tears.
18 years ago today, my heart tore in half when my son Douglas died of cancer.
The hospital room was so quiet and it smelled of tears. Tears that fell from my eyes like endless rivers of sorrow.
I thought I’d never stop crying.
I stopped believing in God. Stopped singing.
My ex husband got me a dog, Mac, to get over my grief and having that dog to pour all my love into brought me back to life.
He was a four legged replacement for the son I lost.
Sadly, 8 years ago today (on the 10 year anniversary of Douglas’ death), Mac’s life ended in a freak freeway accident on Highway 80.
So you COULD say that September 22 is my least favorite day of the year.
You could say that but you’d be wrong.
Because instead of spending the day grieving, I spend the day with my sons and my family, having fun and feeling alive, instead of mourning.
It gives me an opportunity to HONOR my loved ones but also gives me the chance to CELEBRATE everything that is wonderful and beautiful in my life.
Especially the two sons that I have.
So happy September 22nd, to all my friends. I hope it’s a happy one for you too.