Me and the Swede

michelleOooooohhhhh.

I talked to the Swede again.

And by talk, I mean text.

And by Swede, I mean genuinely, authentically from Sweden.

He’s tall and handsome and kisses like his life depends on it.

It’s sooooooo good.

We went on a first date a few months ago when he was visiting the Bay Area for work.

We said goodnight without kissing goodbye.

We went on a second date a little later and again said goodbye without kissing goodnight.

Then something came over us on the third date.

Perhaps he figured “why not at least TRY kissing her?”

I know I thought I’d been friend zoned.

Then he kissed me and WOW!

Perfection!

So he’s coming back to the Bay Area in May.

And if he can swing it, he might be here for UnSCruz which I’ve described as a moveable party with fire spinning, music, dance, art, performance, and community.

There’s even a wedding this time around!

I think he was intrigued.

So cross your fingers that he can arrange his travel and make it to UnSCruz.

It’ll be a hell of a time, I’ll tell you that!

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Sext Panther

michelleI am a sext panther.

Why, just the other day, I entertained not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR different men via sexting.

I couldn’t help myself.

It was so good.

It all began when I had the BRILLANT idea of finding someone to draw on me with Sharpies.

My mind immediately went to my friend (he’s single) who is an artist who draws these amazing angular, monochrome drawings of people. Talent!

In any case, I texted him my idea and wound up smack dab in the middle of a conversation about how he and his partner broke a spreader bar the other night during a particularly vigorous sesh.

That was when I lost control and started sexting everyone in my phone.

Because you can only sext with friends for so long until they become MORE THAN FRIENDS and I’m trying to keep it platonic.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Too late, I know.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen action of any kind and I have to admit, I missed it.

I felt like I was coming hom to my grandma’s house and her tasty meatloaf and cookies, only grandma’s house was cyber space and the meatloaf was pictures of all my goodies.

Now, I do feel SLIGHTLY guilty about partaking in this naughty activity so thoroughly.

I didn’t just dip a toe in, I jumped in full force and spewed a tidal wave of hormones in its wake.

I literally couldn’t help myself.

Each man was so engaging and so much fun to sext with.

Before I knew it, I was sexting all four and HAVING A BLAST!

Not sure if I plan a repeat performance, but for this time being, I AM ONE HAPPY WOMAN!

I’ll seduce you with my awkwardness

image
Although I’m reluctant to say it, I have to admit that I’m awkward.

Yes indeed.

And those of you who know me personally know this to be true.

Ever have a really funny exchange with me where we wind up just staring at one another, not saying anything?

Or have you ever heard me make a strange joke in the middle of a conversation then laugh at myself painfully until my laughter dies out?

Growing up, I was an awkward child. I hid behind my father’s legs and only came out to socialize when I was forced to.

My shyness sprung out of a strange habit I had of stammering. My stammer was so bad I saw a speech pathologist for it.

Eventually I grew out of the stammer but the awkwardness… well, that remained.

My parents entered me in a speech contest my sophomore year in high school to get me over my shyness.

All this did was teach me how to FAKE NOT BEING SHY.

Despite my awkwardness I’ve managed to be quite successful at dating by simply thinking fast on my feet and coming up with topics of conversation as quickly as a comedian spits out a come back.

But if you really want to get to know me, then the best way is to write to me.

I’m best with texts and emails. In fact, some of my most passionate love affairs and great friendships started out via texting/email.

So forgive me my awkwardness. It’s not for lack of interest. Talking just isn’t the best medium for me to express myself.

What can I say?

I’m a writer.

It’s how I work.

The Greek becomes The Creep

You may recall I went out with The Greek not too long ago and I posted about it here. This is the guy who waited 2 years for a second date.

Well after that date, I texted The Greek and told him “I don’t think we should go out again. I’m just not feeling the connection that I want to feel.” Basically he made me uncomfortable. Unsafe.

To which he responded “I’m sorry you feel that way. I’ll respect your decision.”

Whew!

Until today.

When I got this:

FullSizeRender(6)He just does not give up and I’m a little perturbed about it.

Not only is his lifestyle incompatible with mine, I just don’t feel safe around him.

Warning bells and red flags are ALL OVER THE PLACE with this man and I simply want to get away from him.

So my question is this…. do I need to respond to his text (knowing that it’s a pet peeve of his to not get a response), or can I just ignore it (knowing it’ll piss him off and probably prompt more texts)?

An this, my friends, is how The Greek becomes The Creep.

Flirtation

So Matt and I have been flirting back and forth ever since we met a week ago.

I find it very refreshing and fun to hear from a guy exactly what I do to him physically when I’ve literally done nothing, except perhaps climb inside his head a and crawl around a little.

It’s always fun to see how much he can take.

We went out for drinks after our class on Wednesday night.

It was fun to talk to him about OM and all things sexual.

We were there with some friends from class, so we couldn’t be as unguarded as perhaps we wanted to be.

At least I held back a little.

I find it’s much easier to be wild over text messages.

And boy were we.

The break down of the night:

Yup, now you see why I like Matt.  The man has a way with words that just puts naughty thoughts into my head. He’s also just a generally fun guy to be around.

He lives 5  miles from me AND he’s learning to OM.

Sounds like I might have a source for some local OMs.

 

Just friends?!?!

20140130-204156.jpgIt’s been almost 2 months since Edward dropped the F-Bomb on me…

FRIENDS.

Since then we’ve talked briefly and texted EVEN MORE briefly.

Am I the only one who gets frustrated when someone texts me only to barely respond to my replies?

Here’s an exchange:

Edward:  Last Friday was steak and blowjob day and I didn’t get either 😦

Me:  Lol I’m not going to say what I’m tempted to say and instead complain that I haven’t had sex since weeks before our first date.  Totally sexually frustrated 🙂 [Thinking:  WTF?!?!?]

Me:  Okay I am going to say it.  It’s not like you didn’t know where to go to get steak and a blowjob 😉

Me:  By the way, I am getting drunk on Cabernet tonight.  1 glass down, 3 more to go.

Edward:  Ha ha.  go easy on the wine.  Drink some water before you go to sleep.

Me:  I’m only going to have two glasses.  Sigh. I’m getting old.

Me:  FYI you can make ANY night S&BJ night. [Implying he and his gf can have a DO OVER]

Then nothing.  Some dialogue huh?  Not only was I left thinking wtf, I was also left thinking WTF?!

I wonder what it means to have a guy text you then barely respond.

  • Is he embarrassed to text me?
  • Is he super busy?
  • Is he not happy to chat?
  • Was I too flirty? [FYI, he does this all the time regardless of the topic so even though I know I was flirty I think this is not the reason.  Plus HE started the flirty talk with his S&BJ talk]

Why not be FRIENDLY and write more than 2 sentences?  Why not actually carry on a conversation with me?  I wonder if he knows it makes me feel unimportant and marginalized to communicate this way?

I’m curious if any of the guys out there have any insight into this kind of behavior and what it means.  You’re invited to leave your thoughts in the comments section or email me at michelle@unblunder.com

That texting thing we do

imageThere are a few men I’d like to text right now.

Wine Man and

Edward.

I’d like to text Wine Man because I think he’s sexy and smart and funny and I’d like to find out what he thinks of me.

I’d like to text Edward to tell him about Wine Man.

I’m pretty excited about him.

But not so excited about his lack of texting.

Of course, not everyone goes from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds like I do. I understand this and I try to adjust my speed accordingly.

But I can’t text Wine Man because if I did and he didn’t respond I might go down the “texting spiral” familiar or so many of us.  It goes a little something like this:

I send a text message.

  • 30 minutes later: So he’s playing it cool. All right.
  • 1 hour, 30 minutes later: Oh, he must be working.
  • 2 hours later: Maybe it didn’t go through???
  • 2 hours, 30 minutes later: Ummmmm….
  • 3 hours later: I guess he didn’t need to reply. There was no question mark.
  • 3 hours, 30 minutes later: It’s cool. We’re all busy. I’ve got stuff to do.
  • 4 hours later: Are you serious?
  • 4 hours, 30 minutes later: Whatever. I’m so over it.
  • 5 hours later: I’m awesome. People love to have text banter with me.
  • 5 hours, 30 minutes later: I dare him to text me. I will ignore him.
  • 6 hours later: He texted back. Awwww. That was kinda sweet.

And so instead of risking THAT WHOLE SCENE, instead I will sit her blogging, trying not to think about how much I’d like to talk with Wine Man right now…

…and checking my phone every 30 seconds 🙂

Do You Send Nude Pics to Your Partners?

photo(26)I am a connoisseur of the naughty pic.  Not only do I love taking my own selfies, I love collecting the photos which are sent to me.

You’d be surprised how many buttoned-up businessmen are willing to take it off and show it off when properly motivated by a selfie I’ve sent them.

I have so many photos, I had to get a special app – called PhotoSafe Pro – to keep them locked down and secure on my phone.

The first thing I did when I bought a new phone was transfer all my naughty photos over.

There’s just something about exchanging photos that reminds me of foreplay.  I love a man who reciprocates.  My photos get increasingly sexier when he sends back his own.

Not everyone feels this way, however.  So I’ve created a brief poll to get to the heart of the matter: