Ariana Grande meets Tank Girl

I’m going to tell you an old story.

I went to the unSCruz festival in Santa Cruz in May of 2017.

I didn’t go alone.

I brought The Swede with me.

Because I had a guest with me, I went nuts planning my outfits, including all my nighttime attire.

I bought this black, strappy teddy to wear to sleep, similar to this:

You know, to TEMPT The Swede.

So there I am, at night, in a tent, a little bit tipsy, in the dark, trying to get into this strappy black teddy.

I could not for the life of me figure out how to put it on.

And The Swede was watching, which made me feel EXTRA awkward.

Also?

It was freezing cold, so it seemed like a poor idea to sleep in next to nothing.

In the end, I scrapped my black lingerie plans and put on all the warm clothes I had INCLUDING a full length faux fur jacket.

Yeah, it was THAT cold.

I’m telling all of you this because I actually CONSIDERED getting the rave star bikini top for my Ariana Grande meets Tank Girl costume despite the fact that it’s probably designed for a C-cup or smaller:

Then I remembered how bad I am at figuring out how to put on strappy lingerie.

So I’ve decided that I won’t be wearing a star bikini top to Burning Man.

I will HOWEVER buy one of these to wear over whatever top I decide on (most likely a black bikini halter top from my current collection of swim suits):

It goes nicely with my pseudo Tank Girl theme, don’t you think?

Reason to quit online dating #147

If you’re curious what turned me off to online dating. . .besides over a decade of failure. . . I would point to “Ben.”:

This profile nicely sums up what I hate about online dating:

THIS KIND OF MAN

Surely there’s some misogyny going on here, what with him calling women “slut faces.”

I just realized that I’m no longer surprised when I come across profiles like these and that it’s time to get off dating apps.

I’ll just have to put my efforts elsewhere and not linger too long thinking about how much time I wasted on online dating apps.

I did meet The Swede and Big Joe.

And Nate – all who have become good friends.

So obviously there are some decent people using these apps.

But in my estimation, making three friends over 15 years of online dating doesn’t constitute a great success rate.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Volunteering.

Burning Man.

Friends.

These are all great ways to get out and mingle with good people who aren’t going to call you “slut face” before they’ve even met you.

Update on The Swede

It’s been a while since I posted about The Swede.

We’ve kept in touch as friends and I’m happy to report that he’s doing well in Sweden.

He bought a house with his fiancée.

They got a puppy (American Staffordshire).

I think he even got a new job.

And if Tejas can be believed, he now has not one but TWO motorcycles.

The need for speed is strong in this man.

As with most men I dated, sometime I think of him wistfully.

It was so fun to take him to unSCruz and introduce him to the Burner culture.

Also, I had a blast when I went to Sweden to visit him during January of 2018.

The other day, The Swede posted pics to his Facebook page showing his new deck and HOT TUB.

Yes, the man now owns a hot tub.

So, to recap. . .

NEW fiancée, NEW house, NEW puppy, NEW job, NEW motorcycles and NEW hot tub.

Talk about a LANDSLIDE OF GOOD KARMA!

As for me, I’m working away at my old job, with no fiancé, and no pets while California burns to the ground around me and I shelter in place due to covid.

But don’t fret, I’m doing fine.

It just wouldn’t be my life if there weren’t some barriers to overcome.

Pretty damn sweet

The Viking left for Norway on Friday afternoon.

He got on a big jet airplane and flew to Copenhagen then Oslo, leaving me 5,000 miles behind.

But before he left, he took to his Tinder profile to send me a brief message:

Gooodbye Michelle

You know you’ve made an impression when he takes over his Tinder profile to say goodbye.

I’ve got to admit, between him, The Swede, and Charlie the Aussie, I’ve met some interesting men on Tinder.

Maybe none of them were love matches, but for sure they were fascinating people with interesting lives.

And don’t forget, I took a trip to Sweden to visit The Swede and got a lovely little adventure out of our friendship.

Perhaps a trip to Norway is in my future?

Who knows.

What I do know is that if you come from elsewhere in the globe, putting that detail in your Tinder profile increases your chances of getting a date.

Even Hoboken is exotic, if you’re from San Jose.

The Swede

I still hear from The Swede, on occasion.

All is well with him.

Kids are great.

Family is well.

He started his own business.

And he is still engaged.

Yes, THE Swede is engaged to marry another woman.

A beautiful Swedish woman.

All is right in the world.

I’ve had to stop following him on Facebook because reading their posts about how much they love each other did funny things to my insides.

The Swede is pretty extraordinary so I can understand her enthusiasm.

I too feel like I’d be singing his praises from the mountain tops, were I in her situation.

But since I’m not I’ll have to be content with writing posts about our long distance friendship.

I was never looking for a long distance romance but I’m pretty good at maintaining our long distance friendship, so in that way this is PERFECT for me.

I’m looking for a LOCAL boyfriend.

The “benefits” are more steady and there’s no long distance barrier to overcome.

Shopping for ex boyfriends

It’s the holiday season which means I’m in full present-buying mode.

I’m totally on the prowl for awesome gifts I can give to my family and friends.

I click on every Gift Idea List that I cross paths with – Amazon, Forbes, blog-based lists – you name it, I’ve been there.

The funny thing is that I still shop for my ex-boyfriends.

The other day, I saw a beautiful crab fabric on Spoonflower and instantly thought of my ex who had a thing for crabs.

In my mind, I was sewing crab pajamas for him.

And, of course the minute I see hot sauce I think of The Swede who is happily coupled up with a lovely Swedish lady.

I’ve never known someone to be as into spicy foods as he is.

I’m not sure how he still has a stomach lining.

Must be all that Viking food!

Naturally, even though I get the impulse to gift my exes, I never follow through.

That would just be sheer lunacy!

But the urge is there, every time I spot something PERFECT for someone I used to date I think, “Oh, he’d be so thrilled to get this!”

Even after all these years, habits are still hard to break.

Enslaved

To say I’ve had a rough week is putting it mildly.

It’s been pure crap and I can’t wait for the week to be over with.

I’ve been struggling with survivor guilt, but also struggling with feeling like I’m not allowed to be upset because I wasn’t there for the shooting.

Needless to say, my mental health is not as robust as it usually is.

I keep circling back and thinking about the festival.

Can you imagine how I’d be doing if I’d heard the shots and had to run?

Or if I’d been at ground zero for the attack?

I’d be a WRECK!

I’ve been wondering how I’m going to make it through the week when something happened.

A life event update on Facebook.

The Swede is ENGAGED.

Not just dating someone, but actually engaged.

Hmmmmm.

Finally.

Something less upsetting to think about than the shooting.

I’m not gonna lie.

I was surprised.

I had to use Google Translate to figure out that The Swede was engaged.

FYI, the word for ‘engaged’ in Swedish translates to ‘ENSLAVED’ in English.

LOL

Update on The Swede

The Swede and his girlfriend are doing well, if Facebook has any say in the matter.

The other day, he posted a picture of the two of them, all dressed up in wedding attire, with her planting a huge kiss on his cheek.

Apart from loving his suit (complete with lavender shirt and matching silk tie) I was flustered by the photo.

I’m not gonna lie.

There were a few skewers of wistfulness and pangs of jealousy that went through my heart.

It seems that even though my head knows that The Swede is off the market, my heart needs a moment to take it all in.

It’s never a bad thing to be wistful over someone who was a good, decent human being to you.

For so long I convinced myself I wasn’t completely alone because there was somebody in Sweden who liked me.

It doesn’t even matter that I didn’t know him very well or that I only saw him a half dozen times over a three-year period.

He REPRESENTED something to me.

Hope.

Patience.

Friendship.

In the end, the friendship is what I’ll take away from this.

I expect the skewers of wistfulness and pangs of jealousy will decrease with time and OF COURSE the more I get to know the new guy, the more I wonder. . .

. . .The Swede, who?

One Lucky Lady

I got news today from The Swede.

All is well in Sweden, in fact he has a girlfriend now.

I’ll admit, I was a little sad.

But wasn’t he sweet to tell me instead of letting me find out via Facebook or Instagram?

Yeah, that was nice of him.

He was bound to find a girlfriend.

Honestly, both of us have been single for years.

We’re RIPE for the picking.

It’s nice to hear he’s doing well, and no worries, I’m not crushed or anything.

I’ve been flirting with my own (new) man who seems quite kind, funny, and generous.

He’s my distraction.

I will miss chatting with The Swede but we’ll keep in touch I am sure, even if it’s only just a little bit of catching up from time to time.

So there you have it.

The latest news from Sweden.

The Swede has a girlfriend.

And she’s one lucky lady, because he is amazing.

Happy yellow

Trying to recover from my disastrous online sundress shopping experience, I finally gave up and did a mega search for yellow sundresses.

Why?

Because once upon a time I imagined I’d be going to Florida with a yellow dress and I bought a matching flower crown to go with it:

Then the dress fell through.

Oh, what’s a girl to do but SHOP SOME MORE?!

I found a dress to go with my flower crown:

And I got earrings, shoes, and a clutch to match:

You’ve got to picture a mega top knot bun surrounded by my little yellow flower crown, similar to this one with big blue flowers:

Definitely worthy of a nice night out with The Swede and his daughter.

I’m so excited!

And the dress fits, what’s more.

So you might as well go ahead and color me happy.

I just love my sunny, happy, yellow dress!