Love is in the air

Love is in the air.

That’s right.

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it.

Everyone is coupling up.

First my cousin entered into wedded bliss.

And now, little Nick Jonas is MARRIED.

I don’t know why, but lately my Instagram stream and Facebook posts have been FILLED with love.

‘Tis the season?

Why not.

It’s sweet, really.

Everyone declaring their love for their partner.

I too am going to declare my love.

For The Swede?

Maybe.

For gin?

Definitely!

Yes, my love of gin stretches way back to the night I was with my college roommate and she drank tequila while I drank gin and tonics.

Fast forward to the end of the night and I’m holding Holly’s hair while she pukes into the toilet.

Me, I held my liquor.

Thank you GNTs.

I love you BUCKETS!

Tequila?

Not so much.

But really, I don’t have anyone to love besides my wonderful friends and family.

And that’s a rather LARGE group of people I’ll have you know.

But that’s the nice thing about love. . . the more you give it away, the more you have of it.

I do of course, have a sort of “misplaced” sense of affection.

I’m not in a relationship so I can hardly exercise my urge to rain down love and affection and (dare I say) sexy time, with another human being.

But I can certainly share the love I’ve got with all of you.

So consider this a big virtual hug from me to all my readers.

‘Tis the season to show your loved ones how much you care.

Don’t forget!

The Swedish Invasion

The Swede still MIGHT be coming to California for the holiday break.

He’ll be bringing his daughter and I’ve come up with all sorts of ideas for things we can do when they are here.

There’s JUST SO MUCH GOING ON in the Bay Area.

One thing I overlooked that would actually make a fabulous day trip is Yosemite Valley.

It’s open in the winter, barring any sudden winter storms, and I think they’d love to see the waterfalls, mountains, and wildlife there.

All for a $35 vehicle pass.

I put together a wine trail in Sonoma/Napa that features ALL SWEDISH WINERIES, which I think The Swede would like (but his daughter might find terribly boring).

There’s also a wine trail in my neck of the woods, along Pierce Road in Saratoga/Cupertino:

  • Mountain Winery
  • Kathryn Kennedy Winery
  • Sarahills Vineyards
  • House Family Vineyards
  • Ridge Vineyards
  • Savannah-Chanelle Winery

I think one day of wine tasting will be quite sufficient so The Swede will have to choose his favorite (my guess is he’ll want to try the Swedish wineries).

In order to make his daughter happy and not bored with us wine-tasting adults, I also looked into some sporting events we could attend.

The San Jose Sharks are playing the Anaheim Ducks and the Golden State Warriors are playing the Portland Trailblazers.

Who knows if Swedes like basketball, but they DO LIKE THEIR HOCKEY.

There’s TONS of stuff to get up to in the city and one event I found which would be titillating is “A Very Misfit Cabaret Holiday Special” – part musical theater, part burlesque show.

Kid appropriate?

Maybe, maybe not.

Judging from The Swede’s candy bowl in his living room, I know he’s a big fan of candy so CANDYTOPIA might be a good place to visit in the city, with stops at The Buena Vista Café for hot Irish Coffee, a ride on a cable car, and perhaps even a trip to Alcatraz to top off a day of activities.

There’s also a lovely preserve called Point Lobos, and on the trip down there to go for a hike we could hit all my favorite places – Vivolo’s Chowder House, Phil’s Fish Market, Lover’s Point, and maybe even take in a little whale watching.

I’ve literally got 4 pages FILLED with ideas for what we can do when The Swedish Invasion happens and if you want, check out CALIFORNIA.

 

P.S.  I did find naked yoga for couples, but I’m GUESSING The Swede will not be into that. . .

All is not lost

Wanna know how the love life is going?

It’s not.

I’m firmly stuck in NEUTRAL, not making progress forward (nor backwards) on any relationship.

I got an email the other day through MeetUp.

A man introduced himself to me and basically sent me an entire paragraph about himself without using ANY PUNCTUATION WHATSOEVER.

I couldn’t bring myself to read it in its entirety.

It was one long RUN ON SENTENCE and we all know I tend to be a grammar snob.

So needless to say, I didn’t reply to his email.

And what is he doing using MeetUp as a dating app?

My profile on MeetUp says I’m interested in doing things with people because my friends are all coupled up and I’m always the third wheel when we go out.

Sometimes I get tired of being the third wheel.

Sometimes I just want to hang out with other single people who, like myself, want to be social but without being the odd man out.

I got a message from another man looking for a “sweet mature cuddling experience” which is something I’m ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY WITH.

Sorry to say I need to already have an affection for the people I cuddle with.

No strangers allowed.

It freaks me out, the idea of a stranger snuggling up to me.

Smelling my hair.

Curling his body into mine.

No thanks.

Of course The Swede is still in the picture.

I’d snuggle with him anytime.

He’s the closest I’ve come in the past 5 years to having a love interest.

I feel lucky to have struck up an international friendship with him.

So all is not lost.

It’s just stuck in Sweden.

 

Bring on The Swedes!

The Swede MIGHT come to California with his daughter after Christmas.

I have decided that I’m going to be positive about the trip and just assume it’s going to happen.

Although we all know that Burning Man AND Vegas fell through.

But no matter, the important thing is that he’s interested in coming and is going to try to make it happen.

If you recall, I spent last year sweating my ass off in the land of the Midnight Sun.

Or is that ALASKA?

No matter.

I spent a week in Sweden during the holidays last year and all I can say is that I LOVED it.

I especially loved curling up in bed with The Swede at night.

I’ve decided, if they come, that I’m going to host a RACLETTE DINNER on New Year’s Eve.

No, it’s not a tradition.

But hot, melted cheese poured over charcuterie, potatoes, and pickled things sounds like a PERFECT way to celebrate their visit and the New Year.

I also think I will need to take them to San Francisco.

Not that I know what to do in the city, but I imagine Ghiradelli Square, riding a cable car, and Pier 39 are three MUST VISIT places to go.

My personal favorite outing has got to be Monterey, though.

Nothing like a hike and a picnic at Point Lobos “catered” by Gayle’s Bakery to really get the flavor of Monterey County.

Of course, there’s also my Swedish trip through Napa and Sonoma, visiting all the Swedish wineries that are in the area.

The only problem I see is that I have no idea what a hockey-loving, 16 year old Swedish girl would enjoy doing.

Perhaps I’ll ask her.

I think she might like to watch a San Jose Sharks hockey game (she’s a goalie back home in Sweden).

Or maybe catch a baseball game?

There’s tons to do though, and I’ve got all the time in the world to plan.

Bring on The Swedes!

 

F*cking Swedish Meatballs

Today, as I chatted with my friend Michelle, I realized that I’m doing things specifically to please The Swede.

I bought him a Man Crate for Christmas.

He has to open it with a crowbar.

I picked out a cool shirt for his daughter.

I’m joining a lodge for the Daughters of Norway.

I’m even learning Swedish.

Slowly.

Eventually I’ll be able to say, “Jag kan prata lite Svenska” and actually mean it.

The truth is I like to do things, and learning about my Nordic heritage is just one more worthy activity to occupy my time and keep me engaged.

My only reservation about it is that it is lacking in ethnic diversity.

Oh, sure there are all different age groups represented, though it does tend to skew toward older women but I’ve learned that there are acres of wisdom in older generations.

And how else will I learn how to cook those awesome little Swedish meatballs without someone showing me?!

I got a recipe for FRUIT SOUP during my first lodge meeting.

And it is NOTHING like sangria, which is MY version of fruit soup.

These are the things I need to know.

Yes, so I can impress a man.

He should already be impressed but just in case he isn’t I am pulling out all the stops.

I might not be able to speak the language as well as The Swede speaks English, but at some point I will be able to cook him a Swedish meatball.

I’m obsessed with fucking Swedish meatballs.

😉

 

 

 

Life is Swede

Yes, I’m still on my Swedish kick.

I broke down and clicked on a few links and. . .

  1. I now have a bottle of glögg arriving at my home in a week or two
  2. I signed up for a Beginning Swedish language class starting in January
  3. I figured out where to buy small batch Icelandic vodka
  4. I’m going to stop by Lunardi’s in Los Gatos to pick up akvavit (aqua vit)
  5. I signed up for a few Swedish activities mailing lists and liked a few Swedish FB pages

I’m convinced, if The Swede doesn’t snap me up like the trophy prize I am, that Alexander Skarsgård is destined to fall in love with me and propose marriage.

Ahem.

Yes, I have True Blood fantasies.

AND I can pronounce Skarsgård properly.

If that doesn’t make me perfect for some Swede, then I don’t know what is.

I also decided to buy the cutest little America loves Sweden t-shirt.

TECHNICALLY, I think it’s about Swedish Americans and we’ve established that I’m definitively Norwegian.

But watch me care less about that.

This American likes her Swedes.

Life is Swede.

Scandinavian roots

Okay.

I went a little Swedish crazy.

Yes, I did.

While browsing the internet for Swedish activities – like a trip by the Swedish Society to the Shark Tank to watch a hockey game, I came across ALL SORTS OF GOODIES.

Like Beginning Swedish language classes through the Scandinavian School.

Woot!

I’ve been trying to learn Swedish but it’s hard since I don’t practice speaking the language.

What I really need is people to practice my Swedish with.

I know there’s always The Swede.

But we mostly text and my ability to spell Swedish words is ATROCIOUS.

There are extra vowels in the Swedish language – å, ä, and ö.

They throw me for a loop.

Then, of course I found a link to a Danish Rye Bread Making class and I GOT ALL EXCITED.

Things to do that involve learning Scandinavian arts?

Sign me up!

There’s a MeetUp for Scandinavian crafts, food, and art coming up this weekend that I really want to go to and I got a personal invitation from the organizer.

The downside to all this is that although my DNA says I’m Scandinavian, my ancestry points definitively at Norway.

In the past 200 years I had relatives living in Norway.

So although I might have some Swedish in me (no jokes, folks), we’re now certain there’s a little Norwegian in me.

Nevertheless, I will pursue my interest in all things Swedish.

Especially The Swede.

And just for shits and giggles, I’m posting a picture of Norwegian women here.

Looks like I’m in good company!

Long time, no Swede

It’s true.

I haven’t seen The Swede since I visited him in Stockholm over the holiday break.

We still keep in touch.

He called me on my birthday.

I talked to him 4 days later when it was his turn to celebrate a birthday.

Right now he’s in Barcelona at a trade convention.

He invited me to “celebrate our birthdays together” in Barcelona but I wasn’t able to pull off a last minute trip to Spain.

Not enough vacation time.

I’m trying though.

There’s nothing I’d like more than to spend another holiday break in Sweden, hanging with The Swede and his daughter, trying to learn Swedish, drinking glogg, and “cheating” at Monopoly.

I use the term “cheat” loosely because I prefer to think of it as “redistributing my wealth.”

I miss The Swede and I’m hoping he comes to California again to visit.

There’s a small possibility that he’ll be here with his daughter for the holiday break.

I’m trying not to think about it because if I do, I start planning out all the places I want to take them and all the activities I want to do with them.

San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Half Moon Bay, Monterey. . .

There’s SO MUCH TO DO and they need to COME TO CALIFORNIA so I can fulfill my desire to be their tour guide and show them all the places near and dear to my heart.

There’s so much that makes California a wonderful place to live.

And there’s people I need to introduce them to.

Just give me an excuse to plan and I’ll run away with it.

Long time, no Swede.

“Proposed”

The Swede has proposed to me at least three times.

Now, when I say PROPOSED, I mean “proposed.”

Basically, he texted me his proposal and followed it with a wink.

I find this absolutely hilarious and I can’t wait until he “proposes” again.

The thing about The Swede is this.

I like him SO VERY MUCH but given that I only see him twice a year (and lately not even that often), I don’t know him well enough to move in and settle down with him despite the fact that I like his family, his children, and I’m not against moving to Sweden.

There are obvious benefits to living in Sweden.

For one, there’s no grifter President Trump running Sweden.

Sweden has a Royal Family and we all know how much I love Royals.

On the other hand my Swedish is atrocious, I’ve never lived in snow, and it’s very far away from Burning Man.

Le sigh.

I have been advised by another Swede to take The Swede’s proposals more seriously than I am.

Perhaps they do things differently in Sweden but in the USA, if there’s not a ring then it’s not a proposal.

And last I checked, proposals followed by winks NEGATE the proposal.

It’s fun to think about though.

Which is why I’m amused each time he suggests we get married.

And The Swede has not one, not two, but THREE wonderful kids I could absorb into my family.

Get them all US citizenship.

Get dual Swedish / US citizenship for myself.

Learn to speak Swedish properly.

See, I’ve thought this out a little.

😉

I “hate” men

Just to give you an update on my love life.

So far, my biggest challenge has been deciding whether or not to go out with James Hugecock or the guy who told me his ideal woman would have no gag reflex.

Clearly I need a reset.

A do-over.

Because this is not how I imagined I’d be treated while getting to know someone.

Has the whole entire world gone completely porn crazy?

I feel like I’m trapped in an XXX rated movie and I can’t get out.

There are things I understand.

When I go on hookup websites like Tinder I should expect to meet men looking for hookups.

But do they have to be so disrespectful about it?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but lately I get the feeling that the men I meet HATE women.

Their constant objectification turns me off.

I’m a hot blooded American woman.

I need to find a partner who knows how to be sexy AND respectful at the same time.

It’s not impossible.

There’s The Swede.

But he lives in Sweden.

And there’s Coke Can Dan.

But he’s off the market.

These are examples of good, decent men who know how to make a woman feel sexy AND respected at the same time.

It shouldn’t be so hard to find, should it?

So if you’re wondering where I’m at right now, I’m located at the corner of I HATE MEN STREET and FUCK INTERNET DATING ROAD.

Okay, I don’t hate ALL men.

I know a lot of decent men (who are not single or available).

But I’m giving up on trying to meet someone.

At least for a while until the amnesia sets in and the optimism takes over.