Shopping for ex boyfriends

It’s the holiday season which means I’m in full present-buying mode.

I’m totally on the prowl for awesome gifts I can give to my family and friends.

I click on every Gift Idea List that I cross paths with – Amazon, Forbes, blog-based lists – you name it, I’ve been there.

The funny thing is that I still shop for my ex-boyfriends.

The other day, I saw a beautiful crab fabric on Spoonflower and instantly thought of my ex who had a thing for crabs.

In my mind, I was sewing crab pajamas for him.

And, of course the minute I see hot sauce I think of The Swede who is happily coupled up with a lovely Swedish lady.

I’ve never known someone to be as into spicy foods as he is.

I’m not sure how he still has a stomach lining.

Must be all that Viking food!

Naturally, even though I get the impulse to gift my exes, I never follow through.

That would just be sheer lunacy!

But the urge is there, every time I spot something PERFECT for someone I used to date I think, “Oh, he’d be so thrilled to get this!”

Even after all these years, habits are still hard to break.

Enslaved

To say I’ve had a rough week is putting it mildly.

It’s been pure crap and I can’t wait for the week to be over with.

I’ve been struggling with survivor guilt, but also struggling with feeling like I’m not allowed to be upset because I wasn’t there for the shooting.

Needless to say, my mental health is not as robust as it usually is.

I keep circling back and thinking about the festival.

Can you imagine how I’d be doing if I’d heard the shots and had to run?

Or if I’d been at ground zero for the attack?

I’d be a WRECK!

I’ve been wondering how I’m going to make it through the week when something happened.

A life event update on Facebook.

The Swede is ENGAGED.

Not just dating someone, but actually engaged.

Hmmmmm.

Finally.

Something less upsetting to think about than the shooting.

I’m not gonna lie.

I was surprised.

I had to use Google Translate to figure out that The Swede was engaged.

FYI, the word for ‘engaged’ in Swedish translates to ‘ENSLAVED’ in English.

LOL

Update on The Swede

The Swede and his girlfriend are doing well, if Facebook has any say in the matter.

The other day, he posted a picture of the two of them, all dressed up in wedding attire, with her planting a huge kiss on his cheek.

Apart from loving his suit (complete with lavender shirt and matching silk tie) I was flustered by the photo.

I’m not gonna lie.

There were a few skewers of wistfulness and pangs of jealousy that went through my heart.

It seems that even though my head knows that The Swede is off the market, my heart needs a moment to take it all in.

It’s never a bad thing to be wistful over someone who was a good, decent human being to you.

For so long I convinced myself I wasn’t completely alone because there was somebody in Sweden who liked me.

It doesn’t even matter that I didn’t know him very well or that I only saw him a half dozen times over a three-year period.

He REPRESENTED something to me.

Hope.

Patience.

Friendship.

In the end, the friendship is what I’ll take away from this.

I expect the skewers of wistfulness and pangs of jealousy will decrease with time and OF COURSE the more I get to know the new guy, the more I wonder. . .

. . .The Swede, who?

One Lucky Lady

I got news today from The Swede.

All is well in Sweden, in fact he has a girlfriend now.

I’ll admit, I was a little sad.

But wasn’t he sweet to tell me instead of letting me find out via Facebook or Instagram?

Yeah, that was nice of him.

He was bound to find a girlfriend.

Honestly, both of us have been single for years.

We’re RIPE for the picking.

It’s nice to hear he’s doing well, and no worries, I’m not crushed or anything.

I’ve been flirting with my own (new) man who seems quite kind, funny, and generous.

He’s my distraction.

I will miss chatting with The Swede but we’ll keep in touch I am sure, even if it’s only just a little bit of catching up from time to time.

So there you have it.

The latest news from Sweden.

The Swede has a girlfriend.

And she’s one lucky lady, because he is amazing.

Happy yellow

Trying to recover from my disastrous online sundress shopping experience, I finally gave up and did a mega search for yellow sundresses.

Why?

Because once upon a time I imagined I’d be going to Florida with a yellow dress and I bought a matching flower crown to go with it:

Then the dress fell through.

Oh, what’s a girl to do but SHOP SOME MORE?!

I found a dress to go with my flower crown:

And I got earrings, shoes, and a clutch to match:

You’ve got to picture a mega top knot bun surrounded by my little yellow flower crown, similar to this one with big blue flowers:

Definitely worthy of a nice night out with The Swede and his daughter.

I’m so excited!

And the dress fits, what’s more.

So you might as well go ahead and color me happy.

I just love my sunny, happy, yellow dress!

Sunny in Florida

Now that I’m going to Florida to see The Swede and his daughter, I’ve been thinking about the next most important thing.

What to wear.

Granted, I have a ton of sundresses in my closet, but I can’t help myself.

I’m scoping out new sundresses online:

This happens to be one of my favorites.

It comes in all sorts of colors and is, for all intents and purposes, backless.

Very sexy!

Then there’s this dress:

OMG!

I get giddy just looking at it!

Comfort and style.

Perfect for throwing over a bathing suit and heading to a restaurant.

And then, I found THIS dress:

A little more formal.

Great for an evening out or just puttering around the house, looking beautiful.

Something I am great at.

[Cough]

I also happen to really like this dress

Even though I’m not sure it comes in my size, I’m totally in love with it.

The off the shoulder look.

The floral print.

Just beautiful.

I want The Swede to see me at my best, in dresses that make me feel beautiful and sexy.

But seeing as how his daughter will be playing in hockey tournaments, I will also need something warmish to wear in the arena.

Like a long sleeve sundress:

Oh, the WARDROBE I’d build if I had the income.

Florida, here I come

I haven’t been speaking about The Swede much because there hasn’t been much to say.

He’s still in Sweden.

I’m still 5,384 miles away in California.

Sadly, he did not make it out to the bay area for Christmas break.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t get to see him.

He’s heading to Florida for a youth hockey tournament with his daughter, the goalie.

And he’s invited me to join him.

Woot!  Woot!

Yes indeed, it looks like I’ll be packing my bags and visiting him in Florida.

Doesn’t that just sound AMAZING?

I’ve never been to Florida, so this will be my first time.

Am I excited?

You bet!

The Goalie will be celebrating her birthday in Florida and I’m invited to join in the festivities.

Florida AND a birthday?!

How much fun is that going to be?

I literally can’t wait for April to roll around.

First, I visit my sister in Reno for a spa weekend.

Then I jet off to Florida to see my Swede.

April is going to be a banner month for me.

Happy dance!

Boom!

I heard from The Swede!

Yes, it’s been weeks since we communicated and I was getting used to the silence when all of a sudden, WHAM!

He messaged me.

As it turns out, since Sweden is 9 hours ahead of California time-wise, it was Valentine’s Day in Sweden and so The Swede wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Bold move, considering I posted for almost a week about how much I “hate” this holiday.

Truth is I don’t HATE this holiday, I HATE being single for this holiday.

It’s just another reminder that I am alone and unloved by a partner.

Great.  Just great.

I need a reminder of this like I need another hole in my head.

But they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

So I’m making the best of my situation and hanging with my family.

Honestly, time spent with loved ones is what this holiday should be all about – just like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So I’m setting my supreme bitterness aside.

Despite the fact that smug coupled up people are posting right and left on Facebook to declare their undying love for their partners.

Really?

Must you?

You know what I want to post to Facebook?

Wanna know what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day?

Whatever I want.  I’m single!

Boom!

I’m big in South Africa

So maybe I don’t have a HUGE fan base in the US.

It’s just a couple of ex-boyfriends, some burners, and my birthmom who read this blog.

But I’m big in South Africa.

And, incidentally, Sweden.

But we all know why. . . I write about The Swede.

The Swedes. . . well they like that I enjoy my Swede.

But the South Africans?

Now why would someone in South Africa follow my blog?

I have a few ideas.

First of all, they seem to surf into my posts where I am trying to date while being totally frustrated with the whole experience.

Maybe dating in South Africa is challenging as well.

They also seem to like my BOUDOIR photos.

Which, in case you haven’t seen them, are HERE.

But I also get a lot of visits from India for the exact same reason.

What can I say, I’m a thick snack and SOME PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if it’s dating or boudoir photos.

I just like having an international group of blog followers.

If you’ve read this post to the end, then take a second to comment and tell me what country you’re from. . .

 

Love is in the air

Love is in the air.

That’s right.

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it.

Everyone is coupling up.

First my cousin entered into wedded bliss.

And now, little Nick Jonas is MARRIED.

I don’t know why, but lately my Instagram stream and Facebook posts have been FILLED with love.

‘Tis the season?

Why not.

It’s sweet, really.

Everyone declaring their love for their partner.

I too am going to declare my love.

For The Swede?

Maybe.

For gin?

Definitely!

Yes, my love of gin stretches way back to the night I was with my college roommate and she drank tequila while I drank gin and tonics.

Fast forward to the end of the night and I’m holding Holly’s hair while she pukes into the toilet.

Me, I held my liquor.

Thank you GNTs.

I love you BUCKETS!

Tequila?

Not so much.

But really, I don’t have anyone to love besides my wonderful friends and family.

And that’s a rather LARGE group of people I’ll have you know.

But that’s the nice thing about love. . . the more you give it away, the more you have of it.

I do of course, have a sort of “misplaced” sense of affection.

I’m not in a relationship so I can hardly exercise my urge to rain down love and affection and (dare I say) sexy time, with another human being.

But I can certainly share the love I’ve got with all of you.

So consider this a big virtual hug from me to all my readers.

‘Tis the season to show your loved ones how much you care.

Don’t forget!