New Year’s Resolutions

I’ve had it with 2020!

What a year!

I’m so glad it’s behind us.

I’ve been giving some serious thought to life improvements that I want to see in 2021.

To begin with, I downloaded Acorn, a spare change savings tool to help me spend less money and invest more.

AND TO THAT END, I also downloaded Robinhood, so I can invest in stocks.

It’s funny how something as simple as improving one’s finances can seem like such a steep hill to climb when you don’t have the resources.

Well, my friend Nadine was the one who started me on it.

Nadine is a tax accountant and she convinced me that it’s time to start investing.

Not just in my retirement account – which is on track – but also to make extra money.

Seriously, I LOVE my Strawberry Dress but I could’ve spent the money in a better way by investing in Tesla, or Apple.

Anything, really.

The other New Year’s resolution I have is to stop aging.

That’s right, I’m sick and tired of the wrinkles developing on my face.

I’ve been following some TikTok dermatologists and I’ve picked up a few tips from them:  including a regimen to lighten dark spots, even out skin tone, and diminish fine lines and wrinkles: Differin Gel for deep pore cleansing, 10% kojic acid for improving sun spots, 10% azelaic acid for improving and evening out skin tone, hyaluronic acid for hydration, and retinol for all the little wrinkles showing up on my face.

My final resolution is to spend half the time I spent looking for a mate on getting in shape.

I plan to totally ignore my Tinder and Bumble accounts and instead focus on healthy eating habits with my sister on our mutual Optavia diet.

Every time I get the urge to reach out and text a strange man I met online, I’m going to INSTEAD spend some time checking out my investments, researching new opportunities, or going for a walk.

I also made a resolution to improve my friendships by focusing on being supportive, caring, and available.

Seeing as how I won’t be online using Bumble or Tinder, that should provide me with plenty of time to focus on the people I love who mean everything to me.

And that’s the end of my New Year’s resolutions for 2021.

Wish me luck!

Is Meetup the new Tinder?

Sorry for the missing and recycled posts.

I’ve been sick and haven’t been blogging as much.

No worries.

It’s not Coronavirus.

It’s a gastrointestinal bug that’s been keeping me under the weather.

I was so sick, I medicated then slept for 12 hours straight.

While I was sick, I got a message from Adam through MeetUp.

MeetUp is a kind of social outing platform for those wanting to adventure out and meet new people while trying their hand at new activities.

It’s not a dating site per se, but it certainly is a good way to meet single men and women.

Looking back through my MeetUp inbox, I discovered over 20 messages, all from single men, seeking an introduction.

How do I feel about MeetUp introductions?

I like them.

Of course most of them didn’t sound like a Knight from the Round Table speaking so formally as Adam.

Most we’re like “Hey there!  We have an interest in common.  Wanna see if we get along?”

It’s touching really that they reached out to connect.

But I prefer to leave MeetUp as an activity platform and Tinder for online dating.

It’s not that Tinder is any better, I just feel like if I want to meet someone organically, I try MeetUp.

If I want to meet someone virtually, I try Tinder.

And right now I have WAY MORE TIME for Tinder than MeetUp.

Help!

I’m on Tinder.

This is no surprise to you.

The other day I got a message from a guy:

Hold the phone!

I get the “I like the curves” comment but am I fucking cross eyed in my pictures?

Seriously?

WTF!?

Maybe he said it just to get a rise out of me because I’m half tempted to respond with:

WHAT CROSSED EYES!?

Instead I’m ignoring his comment but taking to my blog to vent.

Crossed eyes?!

If I thought my eyes were crossed on my photos would I post them?

I think not!

Who wants to look like an imbecile in their photos.

What a moron!

Oh dear, do my eyes cross?

Is there something to what he’s saying?

So I’m asking you guys, do my eyes cross in one of these pictures?

Which one?

Help!

Grand Reunion vs Tinder

It’s my 25th college reunion this year and I’m being heavily recruited to join the Leadership Team.

Plenty of opportunities to volunteer, my friends.

Not as many opportunities to get paid for your side hustle.

I’m trying very hard to avoid volunteering for YET ANOTHER cause.

But it’s proving to be challenging because I am dating a fellow grad who graduated 10 years ahead of me in 1985.

So he’s celebrating his 35th reunion.

My association with my college is not as strong as some people.

I was a transfer student who lived at home while I was in college.

I mean, I know a few people but I keep in touch with the ones I want to through Facebook already.

I don’t need a reunion in order to connect with them again.

What WOULD be helpful is networking.

But since I love my job and the company I work for, that’s less important in terms of my job mobility and more important in terms of meeting single men.

Yes, I said it.

The ONLY reason I’ll go to reunion is to meet men.

Even though my dance card is really full right now, there’s no one special person taking up my time and I’m still open to the possibility of finding someone.

And it would be a hell of a lot nicer to tell people we met at Grand Reunion rather than Tinder, no?

Fishing for flesh

The thing about Tinder is that some people fill out a profile, and others leave it blank.

I prefer filled out profiles because they AT LEAST give me a hint as to the personality of the person I’m considering swiping right on.

One of the details that can be filled out is a “theme song” from Spotify.

I always like to see what songs men list.

My song is “Good as Hell” by Lizzo because OF COURSE!

Here are some of the other good ones I’ve come across:

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2.

Love is a Battlefield by Pat Benatar.

Cold Heart Bitch by Jet.

But HANDS DOWN my favorite is Neighbors Know My Name by Trey Songz.

The way you scream my name
Whoa, girl the love we made
Gone keep on bangin’ on the wall, but nothings gonna change
I bet the neighbors know my name

Don’t have to wonder what this guy is doing on Tinder.

He’s fishing for FLESH!

Two cents

No, I’ve never been to Burning Man, his profile said.

“But as an ad exec, I’ve been all over the world, held photoshoots with supermodels. . .”

Screech!

What?

Supermodels?

Oh HELL no!

Swipe LEFT!

Just one of the profiles I came across on Tinder.

Oh Tinder, how you ENTERTAIN me.

FYI, women don’t like to hear that a potential date has been with supermodels.

The only thing we like WORSE are plastic surgeons and gynecologists.

Here’s a few tips for the men out there:

  1. DON’T post profiles pics with ex-girlfriends, sisters, cropped out women, women in general ,and MODELS MOST SPECIFICALLY!
  2. DON’T create a username like “luvs2eatacos” or “bigboi4u.”
  3. DON’T trash talk her sports team. You’re not her buddy. You’re not her pal.  Be nice.  Bring YOUR A-game.
  4. DON’T say you attended the “School of Hard Knocks.” Everyone has. It’s a given.  No one skates through life unscathed.  This makes you sound like a whiner.
  5. DON’T say you’re fresh out of a LTR. Everyone knows there’s a wild oats sowing period of time following a breakup.
  6. DO let your freak flag fly. I want to know what makes you YOU!
  7. DO post pics of your dog. I love that shit.  I’m on the fence about cat pictures, however.
  8. DO post pics of your travels, but BE IN THE PHOTO. I know what Notre Dame looks like.
  9. DO use good grammar and punctuation. It’s the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
  10. DO upload new photos from time to time to see what women respond to. I love it when my old matches upload new photos.

Just my $0.02.

I’m just not down with that

So there I am, texting someone new when he says to me, “But anal sex we have to do.”

Mind you, this is our first conversation EVER.

So I’m quietly reflecting on my response when he follows up with, “Okay, I am gross.  I get it.”

I say the first thing that comes to mind, “No, not gross.  Just oddly premature.”

Let’s face it, anal sex is a very dominating activity and requires trust and skill, two things I don’t have with a COMPLETE STRANGER.

Then I got a little judgmental and said, “It’s interesting.  We’re in our 40s.  Not getting younger or prettier and yet your perfect match is an anal sex fiend.  I’m a little intimidated.

And the truth is I am a little intimidated.

I mean, if anal sex is the first thing he mentions to a TOTAL STRANGER, chances are it’s important to him.

Very important.

I mention that there are ALL THESE OTHER THINGS that go into a good hookup.

He tries to pass off his premature request for anal as something substantial, “I am looking for someone that shares my ideas of sex and fun and passion.”

Me too, but I’m not putting it out in front of chemistry, connection and spark.

All this is to say that this guy managed to talk his way out of getting laid by simply being a total buffoon about anal sex.

What a thing to ask for from a stranger!

Does he even know there’s a nice, textured, self-lubricating hole designed for his pleasure?

Le duh.

Latin lover

I want to date a Spaniard.

Or maybe a man from South America.

The bottom line is, I am ready to meet a sexy Latin lover.

Why am I talking like this?

Well, I met a hot, sexy Latin man last week and ever since then I’ve been dreaming about the possibilities.

I’m not without my own Latin man experiences.

My father was born in South America and immigrated to the US when he was young.

So I’m used to having impassioned, strong-willed, masculine men in my life.

Maybe this guy will ask me out and I’ll get a chance to sample the pleasures of dating a Latin man.

Maybe he won’t.

The bottom line is my bucket list is sadly lacking in this department and I intend to remedy this.

Right away.

Starting with finding a sexy Latin man to date.

Watch out Tinder, ‘cuz I’m coming for you. . .

Working the numbers

I ran into a man I dated today.

He and I work at the same company, though in different buildings, and we somehow managed to not run into each other in the 6 years since we dated.

He looked great and it was nice to see him.

He recognized me and came over to talk.

He’s married now.

To the woman he stopped dating me for which (ironically) I found very comforting.

It sucks to be dropped but when someone meets The One, it’s understandable.

So we caught up.

All is well in his neck of the woods.

And all is well with me.

We discussed internet dating for a while.

We met on Match which is where he met his wife.

I’ve heard one in eight marriages start online.

Maybe even more now.

His take on internet dating:  it’s a numbers name and you need thick skin to play but you can meet the person of your dreams online if you’re patient and thorough.

So I’m not feeling so bad that I’m already back online meeting men through Tinder.

In fact, I’m feeling optimistic about my date tomorrow with The Airman.

The Airman is in the military and had traveled all over the world but is originally from New Jersey, a state I’ve never been to.

All his kids are college age and older so he’s in the same boat as me:  getting ready to retire and travel.

Wish me luck!

I may not be thick skinned but I’m definitely working the numbers.

Old Lady

I have an interesting hobby for a 45 year old woman.

I quilt.

I’ve been quilting for 20 years and because of this, my Instagram feed show a lot of work in progress quilts and finished quilts.

My Instagram is linked to my Tinder account so all the men I match with can see my handiwork.

Some of my quilts turned out quite beautiful, like this one I made for Barbara over Christmas break last year and one I made for family friends who lost their son with a pattern called
Storm at Sea:

If you were to ask me what kind of art do I make, I’d tell you I’m into textile arts.

I LOVE my quilts and every single one I’ve made has been donated to friends or family, with a lot of love.

It takes time and patience and a little bit of serendipity to turn fabric by the yard into a pieced quilt.

I proud of the work I do.

So you can imagine my surprise when someone on Tinder MADE FUN of my quilting.

“Wouldn’t know you’re 45 except for the quilting,” he texted me.

I defended myself, saying that I make modern quilts, not grandma quilts.

He replied by saying, “All quilts are grandma quilts.”

So, I present to you my impression of a grandma quilt and my impression of a modern quilt and you tell me if you can’t tell the difference:

Needless to say, homeboy didn’t get too far in seducing me.

Women don’t take kindly to being aged beyond their years and just because I make quilts DOES NOT make me a grandma.

Hmph!