Lick my nose piercing?

So I met a man on Friday. We’ll call him Rob.

Rob was handsome, employed, and interested in me.

So Rob and I exchanged phone numbers and our conversation went a little like this:

Hi Michelle, it’s Rob.

Hi Rob.

[He sends a selfie and asks me to send one too so I send him this one – me, no makeup. Just to see what he thinks and you can follow the conversation from there:

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Now I know this might sound hypocritical given how often I talk about sex on this blog, but when it’s the first thing out of the gate, I lose interest in it.

Yawn.

Nope. No thank you.

Maybe I like a challenge. Maybe I want to be the one who initiates. Maybe I want to be wooed a bit.

Whatever the reason, he got dropped the very next day:

“I think we’re looking for two different things. Good luck.”

And his reponse?

“Oh ok.”

Now I’m not going to pretend that I ALWAYS make the right decision, but sometimes, when all the signs are there, I can call it like I see it an GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

Just say yes

POFSo POF has this feature called “Meet Me” and it’s a lot like Tinder where you see a pic and you swipe right or swipe left depending on whether or not you like how they look.

Right now I have 1,489 pics to review and mark as “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe.”

That’s a lot of pictures!

And I’m really annoyed that my cell phone flashes this number at me in a big red button, as if reminding me that I’m not doing my part to meet eligible men.

So periodically, I’ve been going into the POF app and marking the men “No” and “Maybe.”

Then I just got frustrated and started tapping “No” for everyone.

But then I figured that might be the wrong approach.

Maybe the right approach is to mark everyone “Yes” and see what comes of it.

I’m sure they get some notification that I’m interested. And if that drives them to read my profile and contact me then that’s progress, right?

So my new approach to dating is what I like to call “Just Say Yes.”

I’ll update you on how this goes, but so far, my inbox is exploding with emails, and they’re not all bad.

It’s definitely proving to be much more productive that clicking “No” all the time, without any consideration for the person behind the picture.

If I’m going to randomly click “Yes,” “No,” or “Maybe” in order to remove a 1,489 button that’s annoying me off my profile, then I might as well click “Yes” and see what happens.

So far, I’ve done it with 100 pictures. I intend to do 100 pictures a day just to see what happens.

I could get lucky!

I’m not single…

271168_10150221616158788_4805005_nI’m not single. I’m in a relationship with fun and freedom.

And here are a bunch of things that happen when you’re single, both amusing and terrifying.

  1. People try to set you up.
  2. You go on a blind date because your friend promised you that they aren’t setting you up with a psychopath.
  3. You go on a blind date with a psychopath.
  4. People ask you why you’re still single.
  5. You will download Tinder.
  6. You will be asked to join a bunch of threesomes via Tinder.
  7. You will go on a blind date from Tinder.
  8. You will vow never to go on another blind date.
  9. You will go on another blind date.
  10. You will get fed up and delete Tinder.
  11. You will go to a wedding and spend your time counting down the seconds until you can drink.
  12. The bride will throw he bouquet at you because, ha ha, you’re single.
  13. You’ll get on FB and see couples and engagement pics everywhere.
  14. You’ll see couples out in public and feel sad for a second.
  15. Then you’ll see them start to argue and you’ll think, “LOL… just kidding. Single is fine.”
  16. You’ll listen to a song and get all emo.
  17. Then your song will come on and you’ll realize you can dance with whomever the fuck you like. Bonus!
  18. You’ll spend Valentine’s Day alone, that cursed holiday.
  19. Your parents will express their concerns for you.
  20. You won’t make the minimum takeout order at your fav Chinese restaurant.
  21. You’ll get rejected at the fondue restaurant because fondue is for two.
  22. You’ll watch a rom com and cry.
  23. But then the movie will end and you’ll remember how badass and strong you are.