BOOBS!

michelleYes, this is a(nother) post about boobs.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that her nickname is “Boobs.”

Not surprisingly, she has a very impressive rack.

When I first met her, she was wearing a skull corset that set off her assets to PERFECT display.

And the other day at her birthday party, a friend took a group photo then made a point of zooming in on her cleavage and showing the rest of the group how LOVELY it was.

They ooohed and aaahed over it.

I felt sort of awkward, sitting at a table with modestly endowed women modestly dressed, being one of the few women there with impressive cleavage and rather immodestly putting them on display.

The woman sitting across from me told me she’d kill to have boobs like my friend and I.

I started to picture all the ways in which having big boobs is an asset:

  • Sneaking booze into concerts
  • Stuffing money/lipstick in your bra
  • Hiding sushi when you’ve taken too much at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar
  • Talking your way out of speeding tickets
  • Filling out a bikini
  • And so much more. . .

Sure, they often come with a bigger butt and thicker thighs but overall, I LOVE my boobs.

They’re one of the few things I actually LOVE about my body.

So score one for the well-endowed.

And cheers to “Boobs” for inspiring her friends’ admiration and awe!

BOOBS!

michelleYes, this is a(nother) post about boobs.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that her nickname is “Boobs.”

Not surprisingly, she has a very impressive rack.

When I first met her, she was wearing a skull corset that set off her assets to PERFECT display.

And the other day at her birthday party, a friend took a group photo then made a point of zooming in on her cleavage and showing the rest of the group how LOVELY it was.

They ooohed and aaahed over it.

I felt sort of awkward, sitting at a table with modestly endowed women modestly dressed, being one of the few women there with impressive cleavage and rather immodestly putting them on display.

The woman sitting across from me told me she’d kill to have boobs like my friend and I.

I started to picture all the ways in which having big boobs is an asset:

  • Sneaking booze into concerts
  • Stuffing money/lipstick in your bra
  • Hiding sushi when you’ve taken too much at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar
  • Talking your way out of speeding tickets
  • Filling out a bikini
  • And so much more. . .

Sure, they often come with a bigger butt and thicker thighs but overall, I LOVE my boobs.

They’re one of the few things I actually LOVE about my body.

So score one for the well-endowed.

And cheers to “Boobs” for inspiring her friends’ admiration and awe!

Boobalicious

I often say insane things and one of my more famous quotes is, “The world would be a much happier place if we could only see more tits.”

Oversimplified? Yes, but still true.

A glimpse of the globes or a partial nip slip, and grins start to appear on our faces. It’s an interesting phenomenon, but it explains our fascination with Pamela Anderson.

It also explains my preoccupation with my cousin Jennifer’s exhibitionist ways. Tits make me happy and as a sexually frustrated, card-carrying heterosexual, I’m not embarrassed to admit it.

I don’t always check out the women at the gym, but sometimes I do. Not because I’m comparing (although I can’t say that those thoughts don’t cross my mind), but because I know that millions of men would pay to be standing where I’m standing and seeing what I’m seeing so I’m just going to soak up the view and gloat internally.

Oddly enough, I’ve only ever had one boyfriend who was in to tits, and just ‘cuz it’ll bug Jennifer I’m going to admit it was Steve. I find this a little odd and very ironic since one of my best features besides my Zezza butt is my boobs. This is just further evidence that I always manage to date THE WRONG MAN!

Manufacturers are cashing in on the boob craze with interesting products designed to lift your spirits and make you smile. Isn’t it nice to see products like this on the market, which allow anyone to enjoy not just the sight of a nice pair of tits, but also the feel?

image

I feel compelled to point out the importance of not installing this in your guest bathroom (unless you have THOSE kinds of guests). Brings new meaning to “lather, rinse, and repeat!”

I couldn’t make this sh*t up

So there I am on date #4,832.

And it’s going O-K.

My date, a longtime employee of an online bidding site that rhymes with C-Bay, is engaging enough – although he’s not good at making eye contact.

He’s already told me that I blink too much.

And he’s admitted he has no filter.

Hmmm. . . sounds like an excuse to say what you want and damn the consequences, but O-K.

He moves a glass on the table and says, “I did that so that I can see your tits better.”

Wha?

I instinctively cover them up with my hands.

Jesus! Did he really just say that!?

EXCUSE ME? I say loudly.

“Oh sorry. I was joking,” he replied.

And then 5 minutes later… “I really am sorry.”

And again, 5 minutes later… “Sorry.”

Sigh.

I should’ve walked out.

I thought about it.

But by the time it occurred to me, it was too late. The conversation had moved on and we were behaving amiably again.

And a part of me realized with dismay that I’m kinda used to men behaving badly around me, or else I would have left.

Seriously.

I couldn’t make this shit up.