Poster child for monogamy

My friend Tom is the poster child for monogamy.

He fell in love with a woman.

They dated.

Then they shockingly broke up.

And now he’s alone without his soulmate there beside him.

By the time you reach my age (45), you’ve learned a thing or two about love.

I’ve learned that sometimes, love is not enough.

And relationships take effort and commitment.

The end result, of course, is that Tom is heartbroken.

And TOTALLY OFF THE MARKET for another relationship.

Which brings me to the point of this blog.

How many people out there are dating but have their heart still held fast by a former lover?

Everyone who has reached the age of 30, I would think.

By 30 you’ve fallen in love, at least once, and had time to actually work on a relationship.

And even though I can honestly say that my ex-boyfriend Jay holds that space in my heart, I can also say that I believe that there’s something better out there for me.

Yes, better than the best I’ve ever had.

Well, for one reason – I’m better.

Tom and I bonded over writing, music and mutually pining after our exes.

Unlike me, Tom thinks that love will pass him by unless his ex-girlfriend returns.

I however, am optimistic.

For Tom.

And for me.

The Right Man

When was the last time I went out on a date I was excited about?

Well. . . one that didn’t end in disaster, like the last.

I’ll tell you, the last date I had that I was genuinely excited for was with my ex-boyfriend Luke.

That’s right.

The one who dumped me after I miscarried.

Hard to believe I ever loved him.

He’s the ex-boyfriend I never think of.

I almost forget him.

Except for the miscarriage.

So let’s just say it’s been A WHILE since I had a great date.

And now, I’m swearing off dating (and sex) until I find someone who truly resonates with me.

Someone I feel connected to.

I simply can’t stomach continuing to go out on dates I’m not excited about with men who don’t even bother to get to know me.

My friend Nadine suggested I wait three months before having sex with someone.

I agreed to four dates.

When I told this to my friend Tom, he suggested 5 dates.

I balked.

Five dates!

That’s an ETERNITY.

“The right man will wait 50,” says Tom.

And maybe he’s right.

It got me thinking about past relationships and the connection I felt with the men I loved.

I miss that connection.

It’s not rocket science.

You meet someone you’re into who is into you and VOILÁ!

A connection is formed.

For me, it happens swiftly.

One minute I’m swearing off sex and dating and the next minute I’m madly in love.

What do oysters and Burning Man have in common?

Today, Shutterfly decided to email me and remind me to look at my pictures from this week 11 years ago.

Wow!  What a blast from the past!

Graduation photos from Stanford.

I decided to scroll through all the photos I uploaded to Shutterfly and I came across some fun ones.

The first time I tried raw oysters.

I remember this trip.  I rented a luxury house in Tahoe during the winter and invited my sister and my friends and this guy I just started dating to join me.

The house had a hot tub on the outdoor deck AND a fireplace in the master bedroom and master bathroom!

Here I am sitting in the hot tub (please ignore the clove cigarette and note the snow on the patio railing).  It was COLD out!

I drove back to the Bay Area with the guy I just started dating.  We’ll call him “Tom.”

Tom stopped at his favorite restaurant in Truckee for oysters on the half shell – something I’d never had before.

Here you can see me eyeballing the oysters, working up the guts to eat one (let’s face it, they look kinda slimy and yucky):

Then I ate one!

It’s funny, many of the men I’ve dated have taught me something new.

Tom taught me to like oysters.

Ironically, Tom was a Burner.

A long time burner.

Too bad I waited 10 more years to discover Burning Man on my own!

 

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