Nostalgia

As you all know, I’ve been slowly cleaning my room and going through things I haven’t touched since I got divorced in 2005.

I basically threw things in boxes, stacked the boxes on bookshelves and called it a day.

I’ve come across some lovely old photos in the process, two of which I’ll share here:

Me and friends in 7th grade (circa 1986) – believe it or not, I’m still in touch with seven of them!

One even became my sister-in-law!

Me with friends from my first year of college (circa 1992):

I’ll say this, it was a fun year in the dorms at UCSB.

But the one thing I came across which I was not expecting was a book of photos which I put together for my then-boyfriend Jay.

All the pictures were taken in August of 2008 and capture us at what I think was our happiest together.

What a trip down memory lane.

Camping trips with the kids, beach dates with my dog Mac.

You name it, it’s in there.

Especially PDAs.

However, I was especially touched by how much Mac featured in the album.

Page after page chronicling my affection for my sweet, loving, loyal dog Mac.

And just because I still love that dog more than some people I know, I’m gonna post some wonderful photos which make me smile:

No HARD Feelings

I’ll never forget my first experience with “whiskey dick.”

I was a freshman at UCSB and my girlfriends and I were discussing impotence over dinner in the cafeteria.

I announced that it had never happened to me and then I FORGOT TO KNOCK ON WOOD.

That night, I hooked up with my usual lover after a night of drinking only to discover that HE COULDN’T GET IT UP.

Murphy’s Law strikes again!

In the years since college, my experiences with impotence have been few and far between.

The Hunk had problems.

But given that he saw fit to solve his problem by surreptitiously slipping off the condom, I have no sympathy for him.

There have been a few other men I have come across who have had this problem.

I don’t really understand why they’re not knocking on every doctor’s door, trying to get the problem fixed.

I’d be up, bright spanking early, waiting for the doctor to arrive so I could discuss a remedy for my problem, if I were an impotent man.

I once dated a man who was a staff member of a prominent college football team.

He had HUGE problems getting it up.

He preferred to get and give oral sex.

Now, I don’t know about you, but for me oral sex is a nice appetizer but it’s not the main course.

I might have been SLIGHTLY impatient for him to get everything working properly.

Hey! I’m a Scorpio.

I don’t like it when my sex life is interrupted.

Besides disrupting your sex life, the other thing about impotence is that it can be an indication of larger health problems.

So men really should get checked out by a doctor.

Now, you might be wondering why I bring this up.

Has it happened AGAIN?

I’m happy to report that no, no one has had problems getting it up around me.

And this is me KNOCKING ON FUCKING WOOD, RIGHT NOW!

image

 

Save

Save

Do Not Disturb

disturbWhen I was in college, I had a roommate named Holly.

We lived in the Santa Cruz dorm together at UCSB.

We were, for all intents and purposes, virtual twins of each other – right down to our bra size.

Tall. Blond. Big boobed.

Holly was more athletic than I, participating in crew.

At first, we got along GREAT. We did things together. Decorated our room. Rearranged furniture.

We even bunked our beds – mine over hers.

And it was there in the top bunk bed one night that I woke up to the sound of Holly getting it on with some guy.

OMG!

How awkward!

What do I do?

I pretended to be sleeping, but in reality I. HEARD. EVERY. THING.

Every slurp. Every suck.

Being young and naïve, I was horrified by the experience.

How things change, no?

This was the only time I’ve ever had a roommate.

So I’m wondering if any of you burners out there can give me some advice. . .

How do you get it on without disturbing the roommate in an RV?

Do you make a schedule? Wait until your roomie leaves? Ask for privacy? All of the above?

Let me know.

I LOVE MEN!

The year was 1992.

I was a college freshman at UCSB and I’d gone out on the town to IV (Isla Vista) to have fun with my friend Tina.

We were wearing togas with bikinis underneath.

The first frat party we went to slyly served Everclear in their jungle juice and so we were wasted in a matter of minutes.

The second frat party we went to, I came across a pledge who was so drunk he was slumped against a wall. I stole a box of Cheerios from a nearby apartment and fed them to him until his friends came to take him away.

The third party we went to was at the Sigma Alpha Epsilon frat. There was a drinking competition to see who could drain a keg first – the guys who lived in the frat house or the guys who lived outside the frat house.

All around the backyard were garbage cans – for the guys to puke in and keep drinking.

Wild!

Somewhere along the way, I lost track of Tina.

I looked all over for her – even in the men’s restroom that I can honestly say was the WORST STINKING BATHROOM I’VE EVER BEEN IN.

I marched my drunk ass back home, thinking Tina had gone back to our dorm, but no… no Tina there.

So I made up my mind to go back to IV and as I made my way, I came upon a jeep.

The jeep had three guys in it and they offered me a ride back to the frat.

This could’ve ended very badly but instead, these guys drove me around to all the spots I thought Tina might be and helped me look for her.

One of them even gave me aspirin and water.

When Tina was nowhere to be found, they drove all the way back to the dorms with me and took me home.

Safe and sound.

I’ve been thinking about this memory lately.

Ever since ex-Stanford swimmer Brock Turner was convicted of raping an unconscious woman who had too much to drink.

We hear so much about men who take advantage of women in vulnerable situations.

These three faceless, nameless men could have easily taken advantage of me.

But they didn’t.

In fact, in anything, their presence protected me.

So despite my cynical posts and frustrations, believe me when I say that deep down I am a romantic who believes in the integrity of the male gender.

And to all my wonderful guy friends – like Rick, Tejas, and Mark – who read this blog and never take any of my rants personally…

I LOVE MEN!