Inside, I was a total bitch

michelleYou would all be so proud.

I met a man.

And just like before, we started to text. Heavily.

Turns out our sons go to the same high school. And they’re in the same grade. And they know each other.

Then, right in the middle of the “conversation” he stopped texting me.

Okay.

He got busy, I’m sure. But still. . .

He messaged me the next day with a request to talk that night.

I said yes however he NEVER CALLED.

Okay.

Then, two days later, another text saying “I can talk now. Are you available?”

Now.

I was tempted to reply to him and say, “You seem like a very busy man with not a lot of free time to invest in looking for a relationship. It’s been nice texting but I think I’m looking for someone with more free time.”

Did I send that text?

No.

Why?

Because I’m chicken shit and I HATE stirring up shit.

And I didn’t want to sound bitchy.

But inside. . .

I WAS A TOTAL BITCH.

So score one for me for not going after another UNAVAILABLE man, no matter how big the size of his mortgage brokerage company.

Unavailable is unavailable.

Can’t win if you don’t play

pokerIn response to my post from yesterday about avoiding a Match.com guy who is FRESHLY separated, a friend posted the following comment:

Can’t win if you don’t play.

Oh, how true.

I’m very protective of myself ever since the last guy asked me my bra size on the first date.

I’m feeling a little raw.

Like I’m incapable of withstanding too much more negative input from men without totally losing it.

I swear I’m one bad date away from declaring 2017 the YEAR OF MICHELLE’S RE-VIRGINITY.

Yup.

So going out with a man who pretty much DECLARED HIS UNAVAILABILITY in his profile, who has been separated from his wife of 25 years for less than 2 weeks, who called my “modest” profile “bullshit” – well I just can’t handle that right now.

When a man tells me he’s unavailable, I believe him now.

I’m not about to invest my time, energy, and caring in someone who at best sees me as TEMPORARY and at worst sees me as DISPOSABLE.

Yes, it’s true I’m not playing the game.

But I’m strategic about who I play with.

And when I see a bad hand, I know it’s time to fold.

Needle in a f*cking haystack

MichelleI have my own biases when it comes to dating.

For instance, I don’t like to date men who are “separated.” Call me crazy, but a man who is still married IS A MAN WHO IS STILL MARRIED.

End of story.

That’s unavailable, my friends.

And I’m trying to avoid that.

Then there are the ones who have never ever been married.

I also try to stay away from these.

In my experience, if a man hasn’t fallen head over heels in love enough to get married by the time he’s 40, he likely has impossible standards or significant baggage.

I’ll take a pass.

And of course I also avoid men who want children.

Because OBVIOUSLY I’m done with that chapter in my life.

The only way I’m getting more kids is as stepkids.

‘Nuf said.

Finally, I avoid men who have too many pictures up of themselves in their profiles.

It’s just a wonky little bias that I have that too many pictures = too much ego.

Thanks but no thanks.

You wouldn’t think that would be so hard to find but let me tell you. . .

NEEDLE IN A FUCKING HAYSTACK!

Always a boy friend never a boyfriend

Did I say no more unavailable men?

Oops. My bad!

I no sooner declare my newfound resolve in dating and then I go and get involved with one.

That’s right.

It just goes to show, I have a thing for unavailable men.

In high school, I remember my friend Sherwin and I would flirt with each other but I always turned him down UNTIL he had a girlfriend.

As soon as he got a girlfriend, I was interested.

But he wasn’t.

We used to joke that we never liked each other at the same time and that’s why we never hooked up.

Between Sherwin, Albert, and Andrew, I always had a boy friend but never had a boyfriend.

Fast forward 25 years and nothing has changed.

I’m still jonesing for the unavailable man.

Like Nathan. . .

. . .who is married.

THE EPITOME OF UNAVAILBLE and I’ve gone and got myself involved.

It’s not a romance thing.

It’s not even a dating thing.

It’s mostly a get naked and fool around thing.

I’m not proud of it.

And I felt if I didn’t admit it on this blog that I was casting myself in an unnecessarily good light when in reality I’m not exactly being the most upstanding human being right now.

Not. Upstanding. At. All.

All over this

michelleI’m a lucky girl.

I found myself a new partner.

Not a bedroom partner, no. But a sexting partner.

And that ain’t bad.

We met online and what started out as a little light flirting slowly developed into some seriously hot sexting.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

You’re thinking why is she sexting instead of getting down?

And that’s a very good question.

The truth is that the fantasy is often much better than the reality so as long as my imagination is ripe with creativity and intensity, I’m unlikely to do anything to actually follow through on, dear God, the INCREDIBLE fantasies we share.

It also could be true that my sexting buddy is an “unavailable” man. He might actually be THE DEFINITION of unavailable.  Lord knows how much I like “unavailable” men.

So I’m keeping my distance.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding?

I’m all over this.

 

P.S.  Also?  I’m not the type to pass up chemistry like this.  So I’m behaving as much as I can and misbehaving when I can’t.