This ain’t no BDSM convention

So I’ve come up with what I think is a GREAT idea to dress up the “Spanking Dome” at unSCruz.

The dome is no more than a red 10 foot by 10 foot EZ Up canopy with three walls.

The walls will block off the consentual adult activities from the street so they can’t be seen.

Basically, spankings.

So how do you decorate an EZ Up so that it’s, well, APPROPRIATELY festive enough for spankings?

I happen to have two 10 foot curtains of lights which I think will make a fabulous backdrop for the spankings.

Not only are they moody, they also will provide much needed light to the dome.

So our spankers can see who they’re spanking, so to speak.

But curtains of Christmas lights don’t exactly scream “Spank Me” so I bought off Amazon four panels of sheer black curtains (to the tune of $3.95 a pair) to hang OVER the curtains of light to add a little mysterious ambiance to the dome.

Throw a black tablecloth over a card table to hold spanking implements, and call it a day.

I mean ideally, I’d have candles and a decadent chandelier hanging from the center of the dome, but I’m making do with what I’ve got – a candelabra and some red candles.

Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.

I mean, it’s no dungeon, but this ain’t no BDSM convention.

There is no such thing as too cold

It’s going to be COLD in Watsonville during the night for unSCruz.

Like in the 40s.

For a California girl (who is sleeping alone), that’s COLD!

I’ve gotten an offer from one man who is willing to sleep with me for the duration of the event.

And while he is a handsome, hot-blooded, American male, I think I’m going to pass.

I should be able to stay warm for a few reasons:

  1. I recycled my 10’ x 14’ tent and am now sleeping in an 8’ x 7’ tent. The smaller the tent, the less bodies it takes to heat it up, right?
  2. I’m bringing a sleeping bag rated to 10 degrees. I plan to layer it under my comforter to stay nice and toasty warm.
  3. I bought an electric blanket off of Amazon that runs off of batteries! Who even KNEW these existed?!

I really wish The Swede could be there with me.

He’s going to be in Sweden where it’s MUCH COLDER than 40 degrees and where he SCOFFS at my California girl complaints that it’s too cold.

LOL.

He is a Viking.

There is no such thing as too cold.

Who needs sleep, anyways?

The thing that I remember MOST about unSCruz last year (besides some stellar “naps” with The Swede) was how FRIGGING COLD it was in the evenings.

I brought this to wear at night:

Now, there are two things wrong with this.

  1. It is obviously not a cold weather romper. In fact, I doubt any romper is appropriate for cold weather.
  2. I can’t figure out how to get into it sober, let alone figure out how to get into it when I’m drunk, in the dark, in a tent, with The Swede watching. There’s just too many straps and moving parts.

Because of this, I did something I almost never do.

I slept in the nude.

And let me tell you, I was SNUGGLED UP AGAINST THE SWEDE THE WHOLE TIME.

Why it is that men are like furnaces when it’s cold but my ass is like an ice cube?

Apparently during the night, I STOLE all the covers and The Swede had to wake me up and ask for the covers back.

Of course, I obliged.

Then I snuggled with him to warm HIM up.

Because I’m sweet like that.

This time around there will be no Swede, warm or cold, to keep me company.

I am sleeping in a small 7 foot by 8 foot tent.

I’m less than enthusiastic about my prospects for keeping warm at night.

You see, I much prefer a human body next to me instead of a pillow.

But somehow I’m sure I’ll survive.

And who needs sleep anyways?

Cozy

Now that I’m back from the Pagan Bunny Burn, I’m looking at unSCruz on the horizon.

It’ll be here before I know it.

AND I’m volunteering.

I’m also helping to organize a theme camp which offers spankings and fresh baked cookies to consenting adult participants.

unSCruz is bigger than PBB, by about 4 fold.

My guess is there will be between 1,200 and 1,500 people there.

It’s so much fun.

But I’m getting a crash course in camp layouts.

Rule #1: There will NEVER be enough space to accommodate all your campers.

Rule #2: Even after you’ve squeezed and pushed tents into a layout and FINALLY gotten something workable, someone else will join the group and you will have to start ALL OVER AGAIN.

Rule #3: Despite all your best efforts, you have a SNEAKING suspicion that no one is going to follow the camp layout and it will be TOTAL CHAOS on site.

The magic is that somehow, despite things breaking down, not having enough room for everyone, and having to buy a walled canopy from Amazon at the last minute (and to the tune of nearly $300), things tend to work out and everyone is happy.

Me personally, I don’t plan to stake my tent down until the last camper arrives and sets up.

That’s a whole 56 square feet of wiggle room, baby!

In the end, camping is about the company you keep and the memories you make.

We’re a close camp.

And you know me – the cozier I can get with my friends, the better!

Homage to Sweden

I’m sure you all know by now that I had a FABULOUS time in Sweden.

Even in the winter, Stockholm and the surrounding areas were beautiful and inviting.

I must say, I loved it so much I hope to go back.

And it goes without saying that I’ll get to see The Swede if I head over again.

Not even the 12-hour plane light can deter me from going.

Now.

You know I’m a planner.

I actually bought a pair of bikini bottoms from Globalkinis with the Swedish flag on them for my trip to Sweden.

I imagined The Swede discovering them in the middle of fooling around.

Surprise!

But they didn’t arrive before I left for Sweden.

Sad face.

But now, The Swede might be coming for unSCruz.

Perhaps, if we’re lucky, even Burning Man.

And I’m pretty sure that the bikini bottom will go GREAT with my Swedish flag burnout tank top.

Even if he doesn’t make it, I still might wear the set.

You know, as my homage to Sweden (and The Swede).

Adios 2017!

How do I feel about 2017?

I’m ready to bring on 2018, that’s how I feel.

In 2017 I had to put down my dog.

That was a difficult and sad time.

I also applied for, and lost, two jobs: one I was excited about and one I was less than excited about.

So perhaps it’s for the best, though it hurt both times to be rejected.

2017 wasn’t all bad though.

I went to unSCruz with The Swede and had a lot of fun.

And, of course, I am in Sweden right now visiting The Swede.

I travelled to Burning Man in 2017 and had a fantastic time so there’s that too.

But there was also a WHOLE YEAR OF #45’s antics and quite honestly I have had my fill of that charlatan.

Three more years? Good grief!

2018 brings some promise.

I will continue to look for another position at work so there’s potential for growth there.

And, once again, I am going to unSCruz AND Burning Man, not to mention that highly anticipated spring Pagan Bunny Burn.

I also start my medical weight management program which I’m not REALLY looking forward to except for how much healthier I will be on the program.

So there’s that.

Overall, I can say adios to 2017 and welcome in 2018 with an open mind and an open heart.

I’m looking forward to the coming year.

Story of my life

I am a planner.

All my shit is packed for Burning Man already.

Just add food.

And I plan events IRL.

It’s just what I do.

So when I found out that The Swede was coming to California to go to unSCruz with me, you can be damn sure that I planned the hell out of that weekend.

The food.

The booze.

The bedroom.

I wanted it perfect.

Now as many of you know, I have a “thing” for lingerie.

Every time I sleep with someone new, I get new lingerie.

It’s just a habit I’ve developed over time.

New man = new lingerie.

That accounts for why I have 5 (used to be 7) drawers full of the stuff.

So I bought lingerie for The Swede.

A short little black, strappy number in soft silk.

And then, as is typical for me, I proceeded to get too drunk to figure out how to put it on.

It’s not easy to navigate strappy things in the dark when you’re drunk and a handsome warm man is laying in your bed waiting for you.

So I went to bed naked.

Which is par for the course for me.

Girl attempts to seduce boys with sexy lingerie. Girl gets too drunk to put on sexy lingerie. Girl continues to buy sexy lingerie even though it never gets worn.

Story of my life.

Good for me

Don walked past my camp at unSCruz and stopped in to give me a hug.

He smelled delicious.

Like clove cigarettes.

I thought about the pack of cloves I had in my tote.

I looked at The Swede.

“Would it bother you if I smoked a clove?” I asked him.

“Not at all,” he replied. “Just don’t expect me to kiss you if you taste like cigarettes.”

“Oh, in that case, never mind,” I replied.

The idea of not being able to kiss him freely disturbed me.

Besides, I don’t need to smoke. It’s BAD for you.

On my list of qualities I am looking for in a man is an important one: Makes me a better person.

Perhaps that could be stated better: Brings out the best in me.

So for a man to influence me into making healthy choices that impact me directly and improve my overall health and well being, this is a HUGE thing.

I respect The Swede for that.

Of course nowhere on my list of qualities I am looking for in a man does it say: Lives 9,000 miles away from me.

No, you’ll never find that in there.

Well, you can’t have everything.

What is it with men?

What is it with men?

I get it.

Their temperatures run hot.

They seem to always be warm – a quality that has eluded me MY WHOLE LIFE.

It could be 50 degrees below zero and I swear, if I snuggle up to a man, HE WILL BE NICE AND TOASTY.

I don’t get it.

Why did the universe give men the innate ability to stay warm no matter how cold it is outside while simultaneously giving me an ass as cold as THE ICEBERG THAT SANK THE TITANIC?

You ladies know what I mean.

Do you have to put on socks before you go to bed because your feet get cold and you can’t fall asleep with cold feet?

Have you ever gone to bed wearing a beanie because you were SO FRIGGING COLD?

Then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

I’m heading off to UnSCruz with a full length fur jacket which I plan to sleep in and The Swede is taking cut off shirts.

No sleeves!

Gah!

Plus – and I have been warned – he sleeps in THE NUDE!

Okay, that part I am THRILLED about.

Nothing like a naked Viking man to distract me from all the sleep I should be getting.

I wonder if he will mind that when I “BACK THAT THING UP” to him, it’s going to be the temperature of liquid nitrogen.

Thaw me baby!

Creep

I’m at unSCruz, dressed in a purple ballgown quinceañera dress with silver wings.

The bride is wearing white with gilded golden horns.

We’re processing to the wedding site – all the women surrounding the bride-to-be.

This guy comes up to me.

“Hi, remember me?” he asks.

I recognize him as a man I went on a date with a few months ago.

Greg.

“Yes, hi Greg,” I say.

He starts talking and it’s very clear that he is on something – alcohol, drugs, whatever.

He’s altered.

And he’s making me uncomfortable, talking about how upsetting it was that I never agreed to go on a second date with him.

I can barely get a word in edgewise, he’s talking a mile a minute.  I’m starting to feel really uncomfortable.

He points out his tent.

“That’s where I’m staying,” he tells me.

“Do you mind if I walk with you?” he asks.

Suit yourself.

Then he asks if I’d like to hang out some more after the wedding procession.

I think of The Swede and Tejas.

No.

NO.

NO!

“I’m here with someone else. . .” I allude to The Swede’s presence.

I know that if I can just make it to The Swede, he can get this guy to leave me alone.

“Ok,” says Greg and scampers off.

So let it be knows, if you mention to a date that you are attending unSCruz, he just might buy his own ticket and show up and stalk you.