The vibrator to end them all

You can take the girl out of Catholic school but you can’t take the Catholic school out of the girl.

Or something like that.

At unSCruz, there was one itty bitty contraption that mesmerized me.

A standing vibrator.

Yes, you heard me right – A STANDING VIBRATOR.

Just along the side of the walkway, as I live and breathe.

I went in to get a closer look.

There was a fully clothed woman on it, and she and an “operator” were fine-tuning the vibrations.

It was wild to see it.

Now, I’ve heard about this vibrator before.

It has something of a reputation you see.

Apparently, it massages EVERYTHING.

And, given enough time, will result in an extraordinary climax.

Half of me wanted to try it.

Simply so I could report back and let you know what I thought of it.

But truthfully, it was always being used, so I never got a chance to ride it.

It was quite popular!

The other half of me thought, “Shouldn’t this be in a tent or something?”

It’s the Catholic girl in me who was shy about having a screaming orgasm where everyone could see.

Nevertheless, if I find it on playa I will have to test it out. . . because I’m curious like that.

Despite my Catholic sensibilities.

unSCruz 2018: Playground for adults

The thing about unSCruz is that it’s EXACTLY LIKE A PLAYGROUND FOR ADULTS.

All the things you wish existed out there in the world for you to enjoy exist within unSCruz.

Art.

Music.

Would you like to join in a cuddle puddle on a flying ship?

Done.

Take nude photos with a professional photographer?

You can have it.

Learn about kinks you never knew you had?

Wish granted!

Something that TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY this year was the Rainbow Trike Track.

Basically someone built a mini tricycle track inside one of the warehouses at unSCruz and you could hop on one of the rainbow trikes (think Big Wheels for adults) and get squirrely on the track!

I know!

So much fun!

Open bars?

Yes please (though no outside alcohol is allowed in unSCruz)!

In my heart of hearts, my home away from home will always be Ali Bar Bar.

And they had a magnificent new marquee!

And of course, the best and sexiest bartenders!

unSCruz even had a BURN!

And it was a great burn because the man lit up beautifully but didn’t fall down for quite some time.

More blaze for everyone to enjoy!

All in all, quite the magnificent trip and so worth all the effort that went into planning and executing.

unSCruz 2018: Face Plant

There we were, cranking out spankings and fresh baked cookies for our guests at unSCruz when it happened.

I tripped on some electrical wires and tumbled straight into one of my plastic totes FACE FIRST.

I quickly looked around.

No one saw me.

Good!

That would’ve been embarrassing!

I started rooting around in my bin looking for LED necklaces to gift.

All of a sudden, something wet started dripping off the tip of my nose.

I wiped it away with my hand.

But the dripping continued.

I looked at my hand.

In the dark, I couldn’t make out the color of what was on my hand but I suspected it was blood.

I called out to Tejas, “Tejas, am I bleeding?”

He looked over at me.

Yes! You are!

It was Saturday night and I had been planning to really KILL IT that night and party hard.

Because I was really tired on Friday night, I went to bed early thinking Saturday night would be my night.

But that was not to be.

Instead, I was given paper towels and ice and I sat down and cradled my head.

A nurse appeared as if like magic and she assessed me.

No concussion.

Never passed out.

But all I wanted to do was go to bed.

So I did.

And Tejas and another dear friend kept and eye on me until roughly midnight when I woke up and decided it was time to go out.

But if you can believe it, I managed to do a face plant and split the bridge of my nose open at unSCruz.

It ain’t pretty. . .

unSCruz 2018: Appreciations

All right.

The overwhelming story that emerges from unSCruz 2018 is one of community.

Despite the fact that we took up more space than we were alotted, we managed to squeeze everyone but the largest camper into our little plot of unSCruz real estate.

It was a beautiful thing to be living in community with so many wonderful, lovely people.

And of course when it was time to gift spankings and cookies to the crowds, everyone stepped up and played their part and we ran like a smooth well-oiled spanking and cookie baking machine.

I must give a shot out to all my campmates who really killed it food-wise for our Saturday potluck.

And then stuck around on Sunday to help tear down the camp, load my truck, and just generally being awesome people I loved spending my weekend with.

We had two women camping with us who were newbies to regional burns and they really rocked their outfits and spent time socializing with their camp mates.

I heart them for embracing the Burning Man culture, despite not having experienced a Burn.

And then there were the fabulous trio of men who complimented me and flirted with me ALL WEEKEND LONG.

They also were fabulous chefs and magnificent company the entire time.

And of course, who can forget the ladies, especially Marina who walked around in a tutu and bra and looked smashing!

Then there’s Yvette who gave out the MOST AMAZING HUGS and really made all of us feel loved and cared for.

GQ, who I swear is my brother from another mother, was a most excellent volunteer and really took on the role of helping out everyone in camp and in the larger community.

“MotherP” and Tejas deserve special kudos for looking after me (more on that later), and of course who can forget Dan and his girlfriend who really added color to the event and our camp.

I also have to thank Ned for bringing his hot tub and then soaking with me in it.

But no weekend recap would be complete without mentioning our fearless leader (and his lovely wife) who made the entire event possible by producing it with the incomparable Sass.

Without Twisty and Sass, there would be empty fairgrounds and no festival.

So much more to say, but for now, just thank yous all around and my unending appreciation for the extraordinary individuals whom they are!

Hugs and kisses for everyone!

Flashback unSCruz 2017 – Good for me

Don walked past my camp at unSCruz and stopped in to give me a hug.

He smelled delicious.

Like clove cigarettes.

I thought about the pack of cloves I had in my tote.

I looked at The Swede.

“Would it bother you if I smoked a clove?” I asked him.

“Not at all,” he replied. “Just don’t expect me to kiss you if you taste like cigarettes.”

“Oh, in that case, never mind,” I replied.

The idea of not being able to kiss him freely disturbed me.

Besides, I don’t need to smoke. It’s BAD for you.

On my list of qualities I am looking for in a man is an important one: Makes me a better person.

Perhaps that could be stated better: Brings out the best in me.

So for a man to influence me into making healthy choices that impact me directly and improve my overall health and well being, this is a HUGE thing.

I respect The Swede for that.

Of course nowhere on my list of qualities I am looking for in a man does it say: Lives 9,000 miles away from me.

No, you’ll never find that in there.

Well, you can’t have everything.

Flashback unSCruz 2017 – A Steady Diet of Kisses

When you’ve been single for a while, flirting comes as easily as breathing.

Breathe in.

Plant a kiss on your favorite single guy.

Breathe out.

So imagine me at unSCruz, trying to not flirt because I was there with The Swede.

All those delicious men who flirt back with me and make me feel sexy and appealing. . .

. . .they were off limits.

I’ve gotten in the habit of kissing as many people as possible.

It’s a hard habit to break and fortunately, given that The Swede has a more European view of things, I didn’t have to.

I went around kissing all my friends – male, female, trans, bi, gay, furry – you name it, I was kissing it.

Of course, the best kisser in the whole bunch was The Swede.

He would grab me and kiss me, just because.

Or say something provocative and then plant one on me.

For someone who is usually starving for affection, I got a steady diet of it during unSCruz.

So much so that I know it’s going to be hard for me to go without it.

The Swede leaves for Sweden today.

And I am going to miss him.

 

 

Flashback unSCruz 2017 – The Wedding

My wedding – February 2, 1996

If you ask me what are the top 5 weddings I’ve attended, the unSCruz wedding would have to be at the top of my list, just under my own wedding.

I got so emotional as I watched the father-of-the-bride walk his daughter down the rose lined aisle.

It was a beautiful ceremony and one that was infused with the flavor of the couple getting married.

The bride wore horns.

The groom wore a crown.

They were perfectly matched and watching them share their love with their family and friends, one couldn’t help but be moved by the total and utter devotion they showed each other.

It was truly a sight to see.

Of course, the family and friends of the bride and groom were equally festive for the nuptials.

I saw belly dancers, fairies, steampunk outfits, wedding dresses, Greek goddesses, peacocks, saris, you name it – it was out there on display.

Everywhere you turned there was something to look at.

The wedding was a melting pot of styles and flavors.

So beautiful.

The Swede saved me a spot up front by the bride and groom so I got to hear the exchange of vows and watch the handfasting up close.

They promised to love one another til the end of time.

What else is there?

 

Flashback unSCruz 2017 – The Weekend Boyfriend

For the weekend of unSCruz, I had a boyfriend.

The Swede went with me and basically admirably filled the position.

  • He helped me load and unload my truck.

Twice!

  • He helped me get Tejas back to camp Friday night (after we lost him for 4 hours).
  • He helped cook and clean.
  • He wore costumes.
  • He held my hand and told me I was beautiful.
  • He kept me warm on the cold nights in Watsonville.
  • And he gave me a thorough tongue lashing.

Yes, that means EXACTLY what you think it does.

The Swede was sweet.

For all my worries that he would have trouble fitting in, The Swede did JUST FINE.

Better than fine.

He was AWESOME.

He even let me take post-coital photos of the two of us.

unSCruz was a blast and I can’t wait to blog about all the things that happened.

But by and large, the BEST PART OF THE WEEKEND?

The Swede.

Flashback unSCruz 2016 – Crash and Burn

IMG_9569The upside of camping at UnSCruz is that you get to party with your friends in one of the most creative and stimulating environments you can imagine.

The downside of camping at UnSCruz is that you may partake just a wee bit too much of the jungle juice and wind up with a wicked hangover the next morning. . . and the memory of taking a tumble on the grass in front of everyone.

Which is basically what happened to me.

Yes, too many vodka and lemonades for me made for a REALLY fun Friday night but a VERY somber Saturday.

I managed to drag myself around the fairgrounds with a friend on Saturday. We saw the sights – a guy with a baby gosling. A stegasauraus art car. We even visited the rose garden and saw a rose called (I kid you not) Ketchup & Mustard.

We even saw a derby race where pairs of people ran around a course, one with their arms tied around the others waist and the other wearing a horse head which effectively blinded them from seeing where they were going.  Great fun, btw!

But I was flat.

Deadpan.

I was barely making it from one step to the next.

My head was ringing.

I was determined not to let anyone see how hungover I was.

Silly girl needs to watch her liquor intake!

Finally, after sampling a little of my sangria at Mist’R Cool’s potluck, I begged off the evening’s activities.

I climbed into bed, put in my earplugs, slipped myself two ativans, and crashed in my tent trailer.

Not exactly the illustrious ending to my camping trip I was hoping for.

Next year, I will be better company.

I will drink beer instead of vodka.

And I will dance til the sun comes up.

Just saying. . .

Flashback unSCruz 2016 – Friday’s Downpour

IMG_9569UnSCruz was a pounding, loud, nipple-sucking, rainy weather, chilly, vodka-filled, sangria-soaked, cheesy good time.

More on the nipple sucking later.

It started out laborious.

We had to set up our camps in the pouring rain.

Definitely. Not. Fun.

Both Marina and I were challenged to operate in these adverse conditions and we finally found ourselves sitting around the table in my little tent trailer, eating KFC and taking shelter from ALL THAT RAIN.

Todd, Marina’s boyfriend, was a trooper. He kept our spirits high while he himself was soaked to the bone.

If I was on Survivor, I’d definitely want Todd and Marina on my team.

So my little tent trailer got set up.

IMG_9528I sacked out inside the tent and attempted to warm up with some vodka and lemonade before the evening’s festivities.

The rain stopped around 6 pm and we all ventured outside to cook dinner (spaghetti and meatballs) and then go mingle with friends.

Ali Bar Bar was CRAZY FUN!

It could be that a girl, who shall remain nameless, wound up showing off her breasts to a handful of people, two of whom decided to play with her nipples AT THE SAME TIME.

Wild.

Much drinking and merriment ensued and I am happy to report I did not go to bed alone.

I had a bed buddy who helped me warm up my bed so I was nice and toasty before I fell asleep.

Sigh.

It’s the little things – like a nice warm bed – that make me happy.