Homage to Sweden

I’m sure you all know by now that I had a FABULOUS time in Sweden.

Even in the winter, Stockholm and the surrounding areas were beautiful and inviting.

I must say, I loved it so much I hope to go back.

And it goes without saying that I’ll get to see The Swede if I head over again.

Not even the 12-hour plane light can deter me from going.

Now.

You know I’m a planner.

I actually bought a pair of bikini bottoms from Globalkinis with the Swedish flag on them for my trip to Sweden.

I imagined The Swede discovering them in the middle of fooling around.

Surprise!

But they didn’t arrive before I left for Sweden.

Sad face.

But now, The Swede might be coming for unSCruz.

Perhaps, if we’re lucky, even Burning Man.

And I’m pretty sure that the bikini bottom will go GREAT with my Swedish flag burnout tank top.

Even if he doesn’t make it, I still might wear the set.

You know, as my homage to Sweden (and The Swede).

Adios 2017!

How do I feel about 2017?

I’m ready to bring on 2018, that’s how I feel.

In 2017 I had to put down my dog.

That was a difficult and sad time.

I also applied for, and lost, two jobs: one I was excited about and one I was less than excited about.

So perhaps it’s for the best, though it hurt both times to be rejected.

2017 wasn’t all bad though.

I went to unSCruz with The Swede and had a lot of fun.

And, of course, I am in Sweden right now visiting The Swede.

I travelled to Burning Man in 2017 and had a fantastic time so there’s that too.

But there was also a WHOLE YEAR OF #45’s antics and quite honestly I have had my fill of that charlatan.

Three more years? Good grief!

2018 brings some promise.

I will continue to look for another position at work so there’s potential for growth there.

And, once again, I am going to unSCruz AND Burning Man, not to mention that highly anticipated spring Pagan Bunny Burn.

I also start my medical weight management program which I’m not REALLY looking forward to except for how much healthier I will be on the program.

So there’s that.

Overall, I can say adios to 2017 and welcome in 2018 with an open mind and an open heart.

I’m looking forward to the coming year.

Story of my life

I am a planner.

All my shit is packed for Burning Man already.

Just add food.

And I plan events IRL.

It’s just what I do.

So when I found out that The Swede was coming to California to go to unSCruz with me, you can be damn sure that I planned the hell out of that weekend.

The food.

The booze.

The bedroom.

I wanted it perfect.

Now as many of you know, I have a “thing” for lingerie.

Every time I sleep with someone new, I get new lingerie.

It’s just a habit I’ve developed over time.

New man = new lingerie.

That accounts for why I have 5 (used to be 7) drawers full of the stuff.

So I bought lingerie for The Swede.

A short little black, strappy number in soft silk.

And then, as is typical for me, I proceeded to get too drunk to figure out how to put it on.

It’s not easy to navigate strappy things in the dark when you’re drunk and a handsome warm man is laying in your bed waiting for you.

So I went to bed naked.

Which is par for the course for me.

Girl attempts to seduce boys with sexy lingerie. Girl gets too drunk to put on sexy lingerie. Girl continues to buy sexy lingerie even though it never gets worn.

Story of my life.

Good for me

Don walked past my camp at unSCruz and stopped in to give me a hug.

He smelled delicious.

Like clove cigarettes.

I thought about the pack of cloves I had in my tote.

I looked at The Swede.

“Would it bother you if I smoked a clove?” I asked him.

“Not at all,” he replied. “Just don’t expect me to kiss you if you taste like cigarettes.”

“Oh, in that case, never mind,” I replied.

The idea of not being able to kiss him freely disturbed me.

Besides, I don’t need to smoke. It’s BAD for you.

On my list of qualities I am looking for in a man is an important one: Makes me a better person.

Perhaps that could be stated better: Brings out the best in me.

So for a man to influence me into making healthy choices that impact me directly and improve my overall health and well being, this is a HUGE thing.

I respect The Swede for that.

Of course nowhere on my list of qualities I am looking for in a man does it say: Lives 9,000 miles away from me.

No, you’ll never find that in there.

Well, you can’t have everything.

What is it with men?

What is it with men?

I get it.

Their temperatures run hot.

They seem to always be warm – a quality that has eluded me MY WHOLE LIFE.

It could be 50 degrees below zero and I swear, if I snuggle up to a man, HE WILL BE NICE AND TOASTY.

I don’t get it.

Why did the universe give men the innate ability to stay warm no matter how cold it is outside while simultaneously giving me an ass as cold as THE ICEBERG THAT SANK THE TITANIC?

You ladies know what I mean.

Do you have to put on socks before you go to bed because your feet get cold and you can’t fall asleep with cold feet?

Have you ever gone to bed wearing a beanie because you were SO FRIGGING COLD?

Then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

I’m heading off to UnSCruz with a full length fur jacket which I plan to sleep in and The Swede is taking cut off shirts.

No sleeves!

Gah!

Plus – and I have been warned – he sleeps in THE NUDE!

Okay, that part I am THRILLED about.

Nothing like a naked Viking man to distract me from all the sleep I should be getting.

I wonder if he will mind that when I “BACK THAT THING UP” to him, it’s going to be the temperature of liquid nitrogen.

Thaw me baby!

Creep

I’m at unSCruz, dressed in a purple ballgown quinceañera dress with silver wings.

The bride is wearing white with gilded golden horns.

We’re processing to the wedding site – all the women surrounding the bride-to-be.

This guy comes up to me.

“Hi, remember me?” he asks.

I recognize him as a man I went on a date with a few months ago.

Greg.

“Yes, hi Greg,” I say.

He starts talking and it’s very clear that he is on something – alcohol, drugs, whatever.

He’s altered.

And he’s making me uncomfortable, talking about how upsetting it was that I never agreed to go on a second date with him.

I can barely get a word in edgewise, he’s talking a mile a minute.  I’m starting to feel really uncomfortable.

He points out his tent.

“That’s where I’m staying,” he tells me.

“Do you mind if I walk with you?” he asks.

Suit yourself.

Then he asks if I’d like to hang out some more after the wedding procession.

I think of The Swede and Tejas.

No.

NO.

NO!

“I’m here with someone else. . .” I allude to The Swede’s presence.

I know that if I can just make it to The Swede, he can get this guy to leave me alone.

“Ok,” says Greg and scampers off.

So let it be knows, if you mention to a date that you are attending unSCruz, he just might buy his own ticket and show up and stalk you.

Nerves

I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed by unSCruz.

A lot EXCITED but a little NERVOUS.

After all, I’m cooking for two men (and myself) and serving as “Entertainment Director” for my visitor from Sweden.

That’s A LOT.

Just the other day Tejas asked me how he was going to get refills of his drink if I’m wandering around with The Swede.

You see, Tejas’ knees make it improbable for him to wander around on the uneven surface of the Fairgrounds.

It’s better for him to pick a spot (like Ali Bar Bar) and set himself up in a seat there and chat with visitors at that location than it is for him to hike all over meeting people.

I told him, “You’ll just have to wait until I swing by.”

Or, BRING A VERY BIG CUP!

Truth is, there’s a lot that could go wrong at unSCruz this weekend.

I hope I get to relax and I’m not running around cooking and cleaning the whole time.

Last year, I was very nicely taken care of by Marina’s boyfriend Todd.

He did almost all the cooking and cleaning for us.

In the drizzling rain, no less!

Fortunately, Marina and Todd are coming to unSCruz this weekend as well and they’re bringing friends.

Newbie friends.

Can’t wait to see what they think of the whole regional Burning Man experience!

My favorite picture from last year’s unSCruz is a picture of Marina and Todd, in my tent trailer, eating KFC after setting up in the rain.  They’re wet and they look bedraggled.

Yeah, the weekend was off to a rough start but got much better after that.

This weather forecast calls from sunny/cloudy weather, which will be PERFECT for unSCruz.

Although I admit there’s a lot that can go wrong, I’m just going to go ahead and predict SUCCESS on my part right now.

Gonna knock it out of the ballpark!

The Swede, kissing and UnSCruz

OMG, she’s not going to blog about The Swede again, is she?

Yes.

She.

Is.

Because he’s handsome, funny, and shy and that all adds up to make him pretty fricking irresistible to me.

He’s CHARMING.

Lord knows I don’t meet enough charming men.

Ones who want to cum in my ass and on my face (two things which do NOTHING for me), but the charming ones are few and far between.

The Swede also kisses like a board certified expert.

Trust me.

I’ve kissed a lot of men.

The Swede is EASILY in the Top 5 best kissers of ALL TIME.

The best kisses suck you into them so all you can think about is their mouth on your mouth.

They curl your toes and maybe, JUST MAYBE, get you a little juicy.

That’s what it’s like to kiss The Swede.

I swear I want to just melt into his body and feel every inch of him against me.

I may get my chance at UnSCruz seeing as how we are sharing a tent together.

I warned him the other day, “There will be ropes. We’re staying in a BDSM camp.”

He replied, “I’ve never done that but it could be fun.”

This is exactly the attitude you need to have going into a Burning Man event: open minded, ready to have fun, curious.

“There may be nudity,” I warned him.

Yours or mine?

I think The Swede will have a great time.

I told him my wish for him, “I hope you have a mind blowing good time.”

And I do.

I really do.

Glamping

I love to camp, which is ironic considering my parents never took me camping.

My father actually thinks it’s a ridiculous past time.

Little does he know.

My first camping trip was with my friends Albert and Barry and my then BFF (now sister-in-law) Robin when I was in college.

I got busted for posing topless in the water, I remember.

In any case, I’ve sold my tent trailer Dolly so it’s time to pull out my super big Insta-tent Pete for UnSCruz.

The one thing I’ve never mastered with respect to camping is how to keep it cheap.  I know camping is SUPPOSED to be cheap, but somehow I always fall woefully short of it.

For instance, I have $567.89 worth of groceries in my Safeway online cart [the one thing you should know about me is that I don’t go grocery shopping myself if I can help it].

That’s for 3 – 4 people and includes a case of beer, 750 ml of single barrel whiskey, 750 ml of fine rum, 3.5 L of vodka, 3.5 L of gin, and a 3L box of red wine.

LOTSA BOOZE!

It also includes dinners of steak and potatoes and spaghetti with meatballs in a homemade pasts sauce.

I can honestly say I EAT BETTER CAMPING THAN I DO IN REAL LIFE.

It’s because I have all this time on my hands to plan things out and work on them.

And as if the food and drink isn’t enough, I’m planning a little surprise for my campmates:

A Bloody Mary bar with all the fixings!

But why stop there?

I figured out I could also make Aviator cocktails, Gin fizzes, Mimosas, French 75s, and Screwdrivers with just a few extra ingredients.

Have you heard of Amarena cherries?

OMG, they’re heavenly little spheres of happiness and make a delicious finish at the bottom of an Aviator cocktail!

Of course, all these cocktails require accessories:

  1. Measuring glasses
  2. Bar spoon
  3. Cocktail glasses (acrylic)
  4. Champagne flutes (acrylic)
  5. High ball glasses (acrylic)
  6. Plates and bowls to put the fixings in
  7. Tray for display purposes
  8. Stainless steel cocktail shaker
  9. Skewers
  10. Ice buckets

And OH SO MUCH MORE.

To the tune of $327.85 in my Amazon basket.

Of course I haven’t BOUGHT anything yet.

I’m waiting to see if my inner Martha Stewart/ Type A/ Overachiever settles down a little.

It also occurred to me that I could go to Goodwill to get all my accessories.

But that would require me to shop.  In a store.  In person.

And we all know I JUST DON’T DO THAT!

Camping at Stanislaus with my friends and my dog Mac (RIP sweet boy)

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The Bloody Mary

I LOVE Bloody Mary’s.

There’s just something about a savory cocktail in the morning that really gets me going.

I’m planning on doing Bloody Mary’s with breakfast at UnSCruz.

This requires some planning and a lot of pickled food.

This was my inspiration:

This is what I wound up with I forgot to include the bacon :-(

Not exactly the snazziest Bloody Mary I’ve ever seen.

My tricks for making a tasty Bloody Mary is:

  1. Use celery salt
  2. Tabasco!
  3. Always add a little extra vodka
  4. Trimmings include bacon, shrimp, celery, pepperoncini, asparagus, cheese, cornichons, and olives

People take their Bloody Mary’s very seriously.

One year, on playa, there was a competition to see who could find the perfect BRC Bloody Mary.

THIS would be my choice:

Check out that burger hanging off the glass. . . $25 Bloody Mary, anyone?

Regardless if you like Bloody Mary’s or if you are wrong, one thing is for sure.

Two hours after a Bloody Mary I am ready for a nap.

Zzzzzzzzzz!

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