Flashbacks

While I’m at the Burn (starting tomorrow – WOOT!), I will not be blogging.

HOWEVER, I don’t want to leave you empty handed, so I’ve pre-arranged some blog posts for your reading pleasure.

They’re all about my past two trips to Burning Man.

Burning Man 2015 Flashbacks:

  • August 25:  Scotchfest (my solo venture out during my first burn, may include SCOTCH)
  • August 26:  ISO:  Hugs and Snuggles (the aftermath of living in close community with others at Burning Man)
  • August 27:  The Lady in White (EXPLICIT CONTENT)
  • August 28:  Getting There (EXACTLY what you go through just to GET to the Burn)
  • August 29:  Human Carcass Wash (about me stripping in the desert and getting washed by a bunch of other people)
  • August 30:  Spanked!  (EXPLICIT CONTENT, aka my rosy ass)

Burning Man 2016 Flashbacks:

  • August 31:  Pre-Burn Goosepimples
  • September 1:  Highlights (the best of my burn, in a nutshell)
  • September 2:  Saunadome (about me stripping and taking a sauna during my 2016 burn)
  • September 3:  Just a Man Playing a Flaming Tuba (aka weird shit you see on the playa)
  • September 4:  The Magic of the Playa (ah, manifestations on the playa = true magic)
  • September 5:  You’re Not Supposed to Pee on the Playa (what NOT to do at Burning Man)

And come September 6th you’ll be seeing posts about my 2017 Burn!  Yup, I’m on vacation from August 25th – September 5th.

Cross your fingers and wish me luck.  Each burn gets better with time so this one should be OFF THE HOOK!

Fortunes

I have a theory about fortune cookies.

If you get a fortune you don’t care for, just leave it on the table and the fortune goes away.

But if you get a fortune you like, you have to keep it on your person and it will come true.

At any given time, you can find a half dozen or so fortunes stuffed in my wallet.

The other day, I got THIS fortune with my Panda Express order:

A long awaited vacation?

A great deal of pleasure?

Am I going to Sweden?

Cuz that way pleasure lies.

Oh, how I miss my Swede.

Then again, maybe it’s referring to Burning Man.

When I think of all the things I want to do at Burning Man, I get warm and fuzzy feelings inside.

My cuddle puddle.

The foam bath dance party.

Human Carcass Wash.

Saunadome.

Given the fact that I’ve been abstinent since unSCruz in May, I LOVE the idea of having a “great” deal of pleasure coming my way.

It just remains to be seen which form that pleasure comes in.

But overall, this fortune?

It’s a keeper.

When O’ahu starts to look like Oakland

I suppose our rental wasn’t in the most elegant area of O’ahu.

We were located in Ewa Beach, just on the other side of Pearl Harbor.

10 minutes from Honolulu as the crow flies, but 45 minutes by car (since you have to drive around Pearl Harbor).

The house was neat and well apportioned but the neighborhood left a lot to be desired – dilapidated houses and stripped vehicles.

I’m not kidding.

There were ROWS on ROWS of stripped cars up on cinder blocks.

Driving through the jungle of freeways in Honolulu, my oldest son couldn’t help but remark, “I feel like I’m in Oakland, only hotter.”

To add to the ambiance of our neighborhood, every day at 8 am, gunfire would erupt.

My sister thought it was someone who was bad with a nail gun.

I knew better.

I did a quick google search and found the Pu’uloa Shooting Range in Ewa Beach, a mere 1.5 miles from our rental.

Ewa Beach, however, was beautiful, if a little rough.

My sister got tossed around the first day we went out.

But the boys had a blast.

Allergic to Hawaii

“Wake up!  You need to take your son to urgent care!”

That’s what I woke up to my first day in Hawaii.

“It looks like he has pink eye!”

My sister is a nurse, and when she declares something health-related, I listen.

But where is there Urgent Care on the island of O’ahu?

I quickly do a search on my phone, make a call, and load up Gavin in my rental car for inspection at Urgent Care.

I look at myself in the rear view mirror and discover something surprising. . .

My eye is swollen too!

A lot!

Aren’t we a pair.

So we go to Urgent Care and wait for it to open, busying ourselves with iced coffee we bought at a nearby coffee stand.

Then Gavin points it out.

Closed on Sundays.

And (of course) it’s Sunday.

Gah!

So I take a GOOD LONG LOOK AT GAVIN’S EYEBALL.

The lid is red, but the eyeball is nice and normal.

Probably NOT pink eye.

“What do you say we give it a day and see what happens?” I ask him.

He agrees, but will my sister.

Luckily Lisa agreed too, but asked for us both to pick up and take some Benadryl.

So we did.

And wouldn’t you know it. . . like magic, our swollen eyes took a chill pill and started to relax and look normal.

I believe it was my birthfather who upon seeing our swollen eye picture on Facebook coined the phrase, “YOU’RE ALLERGIC TO HAWAII!”

And indeed, it appeared that we were.

Tahoe Trip: Rock, Paper, Scissors

If I told you that the concert that I went to at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe with Sting and Peter Gabriel, two brilliant Englishmen, was AWESOME I would be understating the experience.

It was MORE THAN AWESOME.

It was epic.

A once-in-a-lifetime experience.

History in the making.

Sting shaved off his beard and was looking particularly devilishly handsome.

Especially when he rocked his hips during “Sledgehammer.”

I’ve never been fond of sledgehammers, but at the moment I was convinced that he could “sledgehammer” me and I’d be quite happy with the outcome.

My sister and I drank nothing but water at the concert so we were sobering up as the concert progressed which might be why I remember more of the end of the concert than the beginning.

Of course it could also be that they pulled out all the stops as the concert climaxed.

My heels, which I’d been wearing ALL DAY since 5 am, failed me and so I had to sit for most of the concert and watch the show on the Jumbotron.

Here are some of my favorite pics from the concert:

IMG_9948 IMG_9949
IMG_9952 IMG_9955

 

Tahoe Trip: The Bar Chronicles

I took a little mini break to Reno/Tahoe this past weekend to see Sting and Peter Gabriel in concert in Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Getting there was a HUGE hassle.

My Thursday evening flight was cancelled.

And I did all my nervous flyer prep – 2 Ativan, 1 Makers on the rocks, 2 beers, and a downloaded movie (Avatar) to distract myself.

So when the young lady at the counter suggested I use a credit from Alaska Air to DRIVE to Reno, I was in no condition to drive.

Fast forward to Friday morning.

I’m finally on a plane heading to Reno/Tahoe airport.

There was a whirlwind of activity when I arrived:

  • Breakfast with my sister
  • Packing for the overnight in Tahoe
  • Buying food in case we get the munchies after the concert
  • The short drive to Tahoe, which I scored the music for
  • And finally, checking in to our hotel – Harvey’s

And so it was, at 1 pm, that we commenced with the drinking.

I think I had, over the course of 6 hours, 5 gin and tonics (they were small), one mojito, and one VERY POORLY MADE SAZERAC.

sazeracNEVER ORDER A COCKTAIL IF THE BARTENDER ASKS YOU HOW TO MAKE IT!

I got rye whiskey on the rocks with a splash of simple syrup and a dash of Angostura bitters.

Garnished with a lemon wedge.

No absinthe wash, no Peychaud’s bitters, and IT WAS SERVED ON ICE.

Ok, enough with the rant.

My sister and I drank so much that we opted to just drink water at the concert.

This, I think, saved us both from hangovers the next day.

And, unlike our Elton John debacle, we actually remember the WHOLE CONCERT!

Interrupted service

Lake DonnerI’m going on vacation this week.

The boys and I are flying to Reno to visit their Aunt Lisa and have some fun.

We will be:

  • Ziplining
  • Taking the Alpine roller coaster
  • Having fun at Lake Donner
  • Going on Heavenly’s gondola
  • Taking in the seafood/steak buffet at Toucan Charlie’s
  • White water rafting
  • Visiting ijji’s for dinner
  • Bowling at the Grand Sierra
  • Getting locked in a puzzle room at Break Through Reno
  • Maybe taking in a Reno Aces ballgame
  • Going on hikes (to hopefully catch Pokemon)

Because of this, postings may be sporadic, instead of daily.  And you may see a RECYCLED post or two.

No fear, my friends.  I will be back to posting in real time as soon as vacay is over!

michelle beach

Tahoe Trip: The Bar Chronicles

I took a little mini break to Reno/Tahoe this past weekend to see Sting and Peter Gabriel in concert in Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Getting there was a HUGE hassle.

My Thursday evening flight was cancelled.

And I did all my nervous flyer prep – 2 Ativan, 1 Makers on the rocks, 2 beers, and a downloaded movie (Avatar) to distract myself.

So when the young lady at the counter suggested I use a credit from Alaska Air to DRIVE to Reno, I was in no condition to drive.

Fast forward to Friday morning.

I’m finally on a plane heading to Reno/Tahoe airport.

There was a whirlwind of activity when I arrived:

  • Breakfast with my sister
  • Packing for the overnight in Tahoe
  • Buying food in case we get the munchies after the concert
  • The short drive to Tahoe, which I scored the music for
  • And finally, checking in to our hotel – Harvey’s

And so it was, at 1 pm, that we commenced with the drinking.

I think I had, over the course of 6 hours, 5 gin and tonics (they were small), one mojito, and one VERY POORLY MADE SAZERAC.

sazeracNEVER ORDER A COCKTAIL IF THE BARTENDER ASKS YOU HOW TO MAKE IT!

I got rye whiskey on the rocks with a splash of simple syrup and a dash of Angostura bitters.

Garnished with a lemon wedge.

No absinthe wash, no Peychaud’s bitters, and IT WAS SERVED ON ICE.

Ok, enough with the rant.

My sister and I drank so much that we opted to just drink water at the concert.

This, I think, saved us both from hangovers the next day.

And, unlike our Elton John debacle, we actually remember the WHOLE CONCERT!

Mini break!

I’m on vacation.

A mini break, so to speak.

I’ve got half of Thursday off from work and all of Friday.

Why, you ask?

Because I’m going to Tahoe with my sister to see Peter Gabriel and Sting perform at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe.

stingPeterGabrielI’m so excited!

The last concert my sister and I saw there was Elton John.

I only remember half the concert because my sister and I drank a 5th of vodka, a bottle of wine, and about 5 Lagunita’s Sumpin’ Sumpin’s.

Oy! Can I tell you how hungover we were?

And then there was the unfortunate incident where I peeped my pants in the back of an Uber.

Nothing to wet the seat, just enough to wet my pants.

This is all because it took us FOREVER to get back to our hotel a few blocks away.

In our drunken stupor, neither one of us could navigate the streets very well and we got turned around.

So this year we were smart.

We booked a room at Harvey’s.

Woot!

Talk about a short walk home!

Elton John

Happy Holidays and a Fantastic 2016!

MichelleIt’s been a little quiet on unblunder lately. That’s because I’ve been on a three week vacation and I didn’t have enough time to prepare my posts ahead of time. So I let it go dark.

I have to admit, it was wildly liberating to not have to worry about writing posts for this site, although it did go against my policy of making sure I post at least once a day.  Please forgive!

I had a fantastic vacation and will be posting the latest shortly. In the meantime, I want to wish you all a very happy holidays and fantastic 2016!