Boom!

I heard from The Swede!

Yes, it’s been weeks since we communicated and I was getting used to the silence when all of a sudden, WHAM!

He messaged me.

As it turns out, since Sweden is 9 hours ahead of California time-wise, it was Valentine’s Day in Sweden and so The Swede wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Bold move, considering I posted for almost a week about how much I “hate” this holiday.

Truth is I don’t HATE this holiday, I HATE being single for this holiday.

It’s just another reminder that I am alone and unloved by a partner.

Great.  Just great.

I need a reminder of this like I need another hole in my head.

But they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

So I’m making the best of my situation and hanging with my family.

Honestly, time spent with loved ones is what this holiday should be all about – just like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

So I’m setting my supreme bitterness aside.

Despite the fact that smug coupled up people are posting right and left on Facebook to declare their undying love for their partners.

Really?

Must you?

You know what I want to post to Facebook?

Wanna know what I’m doing for Valentine’s Day?

Whatever I want.  I’m single!

Boom!

Just another way to bleed

I’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2015:

 

I’ve been thinking about Anti-Valentine’s Day and how it seems like a lot more fun than Valentine’s Day.

I took the liberty of putting together some swag for Anti-Valentine’s Day which I found incredibly entertaining.

Hope you enjoy…

 

image image

And of course what kind of holiday would it be if you didn’t have a glass to toast with?

imageBecause drinking is par for the course on Anti-Valentine’s Day.

imageBut don’t be too hard on yourself. Indulge in a little self love.

image Because don’t forget a little bitterness is in order.

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image image

And remember, you’re one bad ass bitch.

imageSo embrace your inner witch.

imageA broken heart isn’t the end of the world.

imageSo don’t go playing with one of these

imageAnd if all else fails…

imageHappy Fucking Valentine’s Day to you.

image“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed” ~ Laurell Hamilton

Giving my heart away

I’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2016:

 

In retrospect, bringing glowing hearts necklaces and blinky heart pins to Cupid’s (Bar) Crawl in downtown Mountain View was one of the BEST IDEAS I’VE EVER HAD.

LED heart

The event organizers planned and advertised the event well and a butt load of people showed up in Valentine’s gear to celebrate.

One guest sewed his own “Sweet Heart” pants – he was literally covered in sweet hearts from the waist down.  Another guest wore white wings and a red dress and looked every bit the Lolita Cupid.  I think there was even a “Queen of Hearts” costume in there.

By and large, an incredibly creative crowd.

I got a ride to Krunch’s place.  I didn’t want to risk driving with a few beers in me.  I warned Krunch, “If you see a gin and tonic in my hand, SLAP IT AWAY!”

Here’s Krunch and I, waiting outside Molly Magees.

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Notice how I look so much taller than him?  Yes, that’s because I was wearing 8″ heels that LITERALLY HOBBLED ME by the end of the evening.

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You should’ve seen me trying to dance in those shoes, all the while my feet SCREAMING at me to CUT IT OUT!

So, I didn’t make it as long as I would have liked in the evening, but at least I left because I was hobbled, and not because I drank to much.

Folks, this is what I call PROGRESS!

Valentine’s Day and the shit storm of social media

michelleI’ve got 10 events in 10 days at work so I’m reposting some old content I find funny.  New content will resume on February 6th.

Reposted from 2017:

 

I’m bracing myself for it.

I know it’s going to come.

I’m going to log in to Facebook on February 14th and I’m going to be INUNDATED with people professing their love for their partners.

It’s going to be a real shit storm.

Now, I’ve got to be honest.

When you coupled-up people post how awesome your partner is and how much you love them on EVERY ANNIVERSARY, I throw up a little in my mouth.

Really?  Is that truly necessary?

Every fucking anniversary?

We get it.  You’re in love.

After all, you’re still together, right?

I just assume you think your partner is awesome and that you love them.  That’s the status quo folks.  You don’t need to post it.

It’s rather annoying, but okay.

Then Valentine’s Day hits and my Facebook feed is filled with declarations of love and. . .

OMG, can’t you just NOT!

You know what I want to hear?

I want to hear how much you love your partner when they give you their kidney when yours go bad.  Or when they stay up all night long watching over you because you are sick.  I want to hear that you love your partner when they drive 300 miles to pick you up because you got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere.  Or when they came and cleaned up your cat that got eaten by a coyote because you couldn’t bear to do it yourself.

But some trumped up, pink and red holiday sentiment just doesn’t do it for me.

Keep it real folks, that’s all I’m saying.

Just keep it real.

 

Single and AMAZING

I just realized.

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon.

That holiday is always a bit of a crap shoot for me.

Some years I like it.

Other years I DESPISE it!

This year, I’m feeling slightly ambivalent with a slight lean towards “FUCK THIS FUCKING HOLIDAY.”

Yes, it’s because I’m single and I have no one to celebrate romantic love with.

But I sure have a lot of people I love who I can celebrate.

So Valentine’s Day doesn’t TOTALLY suck the BIG ONE.

This year I’m going on a pub crawl for Valentine’s Day.

Table for Onesie is a progressive through the streets of Campbell where people dressed in onesies drown their sorrows in booze.

PERFECT!

Sign me up for THAT!

I’ll be in my jungle monkey onesie:

Perhaps underneath I’ll wear these broken heart nipple pasties.

Although for aforementioned reasons, OBVIOUSLY no one will see them.

I thought about wearing my TOXIC LOVE sweatshirt, which I’ve worn in protest in the past.

But in the end, I just LOVE the monkey suit.

If you’re in the same boat as me this Valentine’s Day, consider getting a group of friends together to celebrate this stupid fucking holiday with a shit ton of booze.

And never forget. . .

Even though you’re single, you’re still AWAZING!

 

 

The wonderful world of onesies

I’ve been invited to TWO Valentine’s Day Pub Crawls.

The first is on the Friday BEFORE Valentine’s Day.

The second is on Valentine’s Day itself.

For both crawls, I will be wearing a onesie.

You know, one of those full body pajamas you see on babies?

EXACTLY!

Now, you might ask why I chose to wear onesies, and it’s a simple answer:

Because one of the crawls is a ONESIE Pub Crawl.

So I’m wearing a rainbow unicorn onesie because I like rainbows and unicorns.

The other pub crawl is a VALENTINE themed pub crawl.

And since my latex dress outfit fell through, I decided to just pick up a Valentine onesie and wear that.

It’s simple and doesn’t require lots of accessorizing.

Between you and I, I happen to have FIVE onesies – the unicorn, the Valentine, a zebra, the Grinch, and Chewbacca.

It’s impossible to have JUST ONE ONESIE.

What I love about Valentine’s Day

I don’t 100% HATE Valentine’s Day.

Although I should.

There’s something about a day where you can tell people you love them that just tugs at my heart strings.

After all, I have two teenage boys whom I adore to pieces.

Always my babies.

And since they’re usually adverse to me hugging, kissing, and snuggling them, Valentine’s Day is a good day to GUILT TRIP them into letting me do it.

This year, I got them each a funny card:

And since Duncan’s hobby is gaming, I got him THIS shirt:

Which I think he has more than enough attitude to wear when he’s out and about.

Gavin, on the other hand, is the daddy to two parakeets – Ross and Smokey.

They are his pride and joy, to say the least.

So I got him this colorful parakeet tee shirt, which I think he will like.

As much effort as I put into training the boys to remember to get me cards or presents on holidays, I think that I will be forgotten this year.

I’m not expecting to get anything from them. . .

. . .unless I HOUND them.

And that’s a possibility since I’m doing a piss poor job of teaching them to remember their loved ones on special occasions.

Nobody loves me

Valentine’s Day is creeping up on me like a bad toe fungus and I find myself in the uncomfortable position once again of being single for a holiday that celebrates couplehood.

I can practically feel the bile rising in my throat when I think of all the sugary sweet sentiments that will be posted onto Facebook for couples celebrating being a couple.

It’s downright nauseating.

Of all the holidays, this is my LEAST favorite.

I can dress up for Halloween.

I can buy gifts for Christmas.

I can cook a ham for Easter.

Eat Mexican food on Cinco de Mayo.

All of these holidays are easy to participate in.

But not so much Valentine’s Day.

And there’s nothing I dislike more than feeling LEFT OUT.

But left out is what I am.

I am reminded of a song a gentleman sang for me in college:

“Nobody love me.

Nobody cares.

Nobody feeds me peaches and pears.”

So, you have been forewarned to expect quite a bit of sass out of me as this holiday approaches.

Because I’m sure as hell not pleased that (yet again) I must survive another fucking Valentine’s Day ALONE.

Thanks for the goddamn reminder!

Happy VD bitches!

av12Well, it’s finally here.

Valentine’s Day.

I’m going to celebrate with a few friends by drinking beer at a pizza parlor before I go home and crawl into bed with a glass of wine and Supernatural.

Yes, Jensen and Jared are my Valentines this V-Day.

Plus I have one snuggly teenage boy and one not-so-snuggly teenage boy I will pepper with kisses and hugs until they cry UNCLE.

Mom!  Please!

Happy Valentine’s Day y’all!

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Valentine’s Day and the shit storm of social media

michelleI’m bracing myself for it.

I know it’s going to come.

I’m going to log in to Facebook on February 14th and I’m going to be INUNDATED with people professing their love for one another.

It’s going to be a real shit storm.

Now, I’ve got to be honest.

When you coupled up people post how awesome your partner is and how much you love them on EVERY ANNIVERSARY, I throw up a little in my mouth.

Really?  Is that truly necessary?

Every fucking anniversary?

We get it.  You’re in love.

After all, you’re still together, right?

I just assume you think your partner is awesome and that you love them.  That’s the status quo folks.  You don’t need to post it.

It’s rather annoying, but O. K.

Then Valentine’s Day hits and my Facebook feed is filled with declarations of love and. . .

OMG, I puked a little just thinking about it.

You know what I want to hear?

I want to hear how much you love your partner when they give you their kidney when yours go bad.  Or when they stay up all night long watching over you because you are sick.  I want to hear that you love your partner when they drive 300 miles to pick you up because you got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere.  Or when they came and cleaned up your cat that got eaten by a coyote because you couldn’t bear to do it yourself.

But some trumped up, pink and red holiday sentiment just doesn’t do it for me.

Keep it real folks, that’s all I’m saying.

Just keep it real.