Vegas, baby!

I’ve been to Vegas three times.

For all three trips I was with ex-boyfriends.

The first time, ex-bf #1 and I were all hot and heavy and made love all weekend long.

There was a SMALL snafu with that electrical cock ring, but overall the weekend was marked with nothing but pleasure – for food, cocktails, and each other.

The second time we went he and I were weeks away from breaking up and I’m pretty sure I saw it in the stars when I woke up in the middle of the night and found him sitting in a chair, watching me sleep.

It was a much more somber trip to Vegas, that time.

My third trip to Vegas was during a road trip to Arizona.

It was fucking hot and I spent the majority of my time trying to find another couple to have fun with.

We wound up taking in the Titanic display.

It was definitely not a sexy weekend.

Lately, I’ve been thinking I want to go to Vegas again.

Just for a weekend getaway.

Check out The Strip and catch some entertainment.

Day drink.

Watch a show with naked performers.

You know, do all the things that Vegas is famous for.

I’ve never been to Vegas as a “single” woman.

I’ve always been coupled up for my trips.

And seeing as how I think Vegas is more fun when you go with friends, I would want to take my sister, Barbara, Yvonne, Marina, and Michelle with me.

Just me and a pile of sexy women having fun in Vegas.

Or The Swede.

Vegas would definitely be fun with The Swede.

The post where his weenie gets shocked

Somewhere between arriving in Vegas and leaving Vegas, my ex boyfriend Jason and I went on a little teeny weeny shopping spree. It was Vegas after all and in between the Forum Shops and The Wynn we started feeling a little frisky. And a lingerie shop at The Wynn was just calling our name….

Jay got me this lingerie set (in black) and then we started to notice all the accoutrements around the store.

I bought the “Tickle His Pickle” book.

And the double ended whip….

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And THEN we bought this. (WARNING: Not work appropriate)

Then we rushed back to our hotel room to… you know… USE IT!

He slipped it on, We fooled around and at the absolute worst moment possible, the damn thing actually …

SHOCKED THE SH*T OUT OF HIM!

No. I’m not kidding. He got shocked right on his you-know-what!!! But first he was a trooper and tried to keep going because… you know… I was close.

In any case, afterwards we read the directions and low and behold we discover that the condom included in the package isn’t a suggestion, it’s a requirement.

SO YOU DON’T GET THE SH*T SHOCKED OUT OF YOU!

For the rest of our trip, Jason had a post traumatic stress reaction when I said, “ZZZzzzzzzztttttt!”

And we took this lovely photo of me to symbolize our brush with the HALF ORGASM (yes, that’s me holding up 3 1/2 fingers –  what can I say, it was a great vacation):

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Me and my almost tattoo

My ex boyfriend Jason and I were walking down the sidewalk in front of the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted this tattoo parlor. In a moment of (nearly) unrestrained romanticism, I turned to Jason and said:

You know, Jason…. I could get your initials tattooed on me – an “I love J.C.” tattoo – and even if we broke up I’d still be okay because I could always tell people J.C. stands for Jesus Christ. And who doesn’t love a girl who loves her some Jesus Christ, I ask you?!

[Note: I googled “Jesus Christ tattoos” hoping to find something I could link to or post here, but discovered most Jesus Christ tattoos are remarkably disturbing.]