Blast from the past

Today I did something I don’t often do.

I looked up the guy I lost my virginity to on LinkedIn.

The reason why?

He’s not on Facebook.

And I was curious.

If I was expecting some big surprise or shock, I got none of it.

He lives in the Sacramento area and he’s an electrician.

I recognized him from his photo.

Older, though.

Same hair.

Same nose.

Just your average middle aged man.

Nothing to signify that someone ever gave him a gift as precious as virginity.

Of course, I don’t think he even knew.

But there you have it.

A blast from the past.

 

30 years of f*cking

It’s officially been 30 years since I became sexually active.

I know this because I remember the date I lost my virginity.

It was July 8, 1989.

I was fifteen years old.

The only reason I didn’t lose it sooner is that the guy I picked to give my virginity to wound up backing out at the last minute.

I guess he was a big virgin too.

I’m not crazy about remembering dates to things like this.

It’s just that 7-8-89 is an easy date to remember.

It seems that now would be as good a time as any to review my sex life and make some changes, if needed.

Clearly, I have no sex life to speak of and so I’d like to change that.

However, I think I’ve made some good decisions lately about who to share that slice of myself with and who to abstain from sharing it with.

So I give myself points for that.

And, of course, no analysis of my sex life would be complete without acknowledging that there have been some MAJOR changes in my sex life, namely because I’m dating the new guy, but also because I’ve had a health scare or two.

Sure, there’s no one to speak of right now who I’m sharing intimacies with, but that’s likely going to change and I give myself bonus points for actually taking the time to get to know somebody as well as for creating a little empty space for someone new to enter the picture.

It was getting CROWDED.

Kidding!

How I ALMOST lost my virginity

It was the summer between sophomore and junior years.  I was 15 years old.  I was feeling frustrated because my sister, who I was so competitive with, had lost her virginity and I still had mine.

Oh, the stupidity of our youth.

So I did the only thing I could think of…. I invited the school flirt* over to my house when my parents were out.

When he arrived, I was skinny dipping in the pool out back.

photo(19)

One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were on the bed fooling around.  He reached down, touched it, freaked out, and left.

It was my Molly Ringwald /Sixteen Candles moment.

I eventually got over the embarrassment and thinking that something was wrong with me. Especially when I found out that he had been a virgin too and that everything that happened that day had been a series of firsts for him.  First time seeing boobs.  First time playing with boobs.  First time seeing a naked woman in the flesh…. you get the picture.

I eventually succeeded in losing my virginity to a total tool.  He was such a tool that people call him “Kanye.”  To this day I wish I lost my virginity to the school flirt*.

*No guessing who the school flirt might be!

How I ALMOST lost my virginity, reposted

It was the summer between sophomore and junior years.  I was 15 years old.  I was feeling frustrated because my sister, who I was so competitive with, had lost her virginity and I still had mine.

Oh, the stupidity of our youth.

So I did the only thing I could think of…. I invited the school flirt* over to my house when my parents were out.

When he arrived, I was skinny dipping in the pool out back.

photo(19)

One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were on the bed fooling around.  He reached down, touched it, freaked out, and left.

It was my Molly Ringwald /Sixteen Candles moment.

I eventually got over the embarrassment and thinking that something was wrong with me. Especially when I found out that he had been a virgin too and that everything that happened that day had been a series of firsts for him.  First time seeing boobs.  First time playing with boobs.  First time seeing a naked woman in the flesh…. you get the picture.

I eventually succeeded in losing my virginity to a total tool.  He was such a tool that people still call him “Kanye.”  To this day I wish I lost my virginity to the school flirt*.

*No guessing who the school flirt might be!

The 47 year old virgin

I met this really sweet guy who is going through a divorce right now.

And NORMALLY I adhere to my rule that a man needs to be divorced for 2 years to be suitable for dating.

That is until…

…until he told me he hadn’t has sex since the Bush administration.

God only knows what hes wife’s issues are.  And sure, this guy is one holy mess right now.  But I have a lot of sympathy for him and his situation.

He’s also lost 110 pounds in the last year, making him a HERO in my book.

So even though I have this rule, I might break it a teeny tiny bit.

At least long enough to play with a born-again-virgin.

How I ALMOST lost my virginity

It was the summer between sophomore and junior years.  I was 15 years old.  I was feeling frustrated because my sister, who I was so competitive with, had lost her virginity and I still had mine.

Oh, the stupidity of our youth.

So I did the only thing I could think of…. I invited the school flirt* over to my house when my parents were out.

When he arrived, I was skinny dipping in the pool out back.

photo(19)

One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were on the bed fooling around.  He reached down, touched it, freaked out, and left.

It was my Molly Ringwald /Sixteen Candles moment.

I eventually got over the embarrassment and thinking that something was wrong with me. Especially when I found out that he had been a virgin too and that everything that happened that day had been a series of firsts for him.  First time seeing boobs.  First time playing with boobs.  First time seeing a naked woman in the flesh…. you get the picture.

I eventually succeeded in losing my virginity to a total tool.  He was such a tool that people still call him “Kanye.”  To this day I wish I lost my virginity to the school flirt*.

*No guessing who the school flirt might be!