Exhibitionist

I’ve been having SUCH A HARD TIME finding a yellow sundress.

The first dress I chose was X-rated.

All boob, no coverage.

The second dress I chose turned out to be WAY TOO BIG ON ME.

I was literally falling out of the top.

These boobs, man. . . they’re just determined to display themselves.

They’re such EXHIBITIONISTS!

I think I’ve finally found a dress that will work.

Mind you, all this is because I bought a yellow floral headband that I want to wear and I need a dress to go with it.

Now that I have PILES OF DRESSES to return to the store, it’s finally dawned on me – the purpose of shopping in a store in the first place.

To avoid fiascos like the one I’m facing.

Still, it’s nice to shop online and be able to hit Macys, Nordstrom, and a plethora of other shops all while one reclines in bed eating peanuts.

Yes, that really happens!

Shoes, Yosemite, Weddings and Fire. . .oh my!

Has it been fricking forever since I posted something about shoes?

I think it has.

Y’all know how much I LOVE shoes.

Lately, however shoes don’t love me.

They’re either too tight around the foot or the ankle.

FUCK weight gain!

Who knew your FEET could get bigger?

In any case, I need a pair of shoes to go with my yellow dress at the upcoming wedding in Yosemite (crosses fingers and says a prayer the fires will stay away).

I got a pair of flats for the outdoor ceremony.

No need to totter across stones, dirt, and grass in heels, right?

And then I got this GORGEOUS pair of heels, with a little flower by Pelle Mode to wear for the reception, which now that I think about it, might be outdoors as well.

No matter, the bottom line is I AM PREPARED.

Now if we can just extinguish those DISASTROUS fires, that would be PERFECT!

Commando

So I’m at work, wearing a lovely sunflower yellow sundress.

I got three compliments within 15 minutes of arriving at work.

One person told me “You better have a date tonight. It’d be a shame to waste that dress.”

The truth is I LOVE this dress.

I’m going to wear it to the wedding I’m going to in September.

It’s simple and understated yet festive and bright.

But I discovered a design flaw.

There is no lining.

And HOW did I discover this, you might ask?

Well I turned sideways to look at my butt in the bathroom mirror at work and discovered. . .

. . that my blue lace underwear was TOTALLY SHOWING THROUGH MY YELLOW DRESS.

Now I understand why so many people were looking at me when I went to lunch.

It wasn’t (just because ) I looked pretty.

No, it’s because they could see my knickers!

The thing is, now I have to figure out what to do to get myself through the rest of my work day without flashing too many more people my undergarments.

And I think I’ve come up with a pretty good answer.

One that will make all my “unblunder” followers proud.

I’m going commando!