Unsolicited advice

I have a 19 year old son.

He doesn’t work.

He doesn’t go to school.

What he does do is come into my room after work to tell me to delete my Instagram photos and/or make my account private.

“Why can’t you be a NORMAL mom,” he whines.

“You should go to work, come home, have a cocktail, and STAY AT HOME,” he tells me.

Fat chance.

This is the same son who showed me a video of him and four of his friends pointing assault rifles at each other in a sort of Looney Toons showdown saying, “Survival of the fittest, mom.”

Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to take life advice from a kid who thinks that pointing a gun at his friends is an acceptable form of entertainment and VIDEORECORDS THE WHOLE THING.

The elevator isn’t reaching the top floor, methinks.

Don’t get me wrong, I love him to pieces.

He’s a snuggly, charming, and entertaining son who tells me every day that he loves me.

He’s just got a ways to go before I’ll think of him as a man instead of a boy.

And I’m not taking life advice from a kid who thinks that living life in the mainstream is the only proper and correct way to live a life.

I prefer to stay off the beaten path, thank you very much!

This mama’s going to do things her own way.

When I imagine I’m young and thin

So this happened:

I bought three pairs of high waisted bikini bottoms and all the accoutrements to go with them.

I have to admit, even I paused when I bought cupcake earrings and I asked myself, “Would a 43 year old woman REALLY wear CUPCAKE earrings?”

And the answer of course, is yes.

Yes, I REALLY would.

Burning Man is about expressing who you are and including all your idiosyncrasies and I suppose that DEEP DOWN, I am an 18 year old girl who is thin, wears bathing suits as clothing, and goes to raves.

We all know the truth.

I am a thick, middle aged woman with a questionable relationship to EDM.

But I have a theory about that.

I don’t think being thick matters.

I think, for the most part, people just enjoy seeing other people’s bodies.

The men I am with don’t seem to complain about mine.

So why not show it off?

Confidence is SEXY.

That said, if I start wearing my hair in two knobs on top of my head, you have my permission to slap me. . .

. . .on my NICE, THICK ASS!